I feel like I've been challenged a lot lately. No; stop; let me re-phrase that. I have been REALLY challenged by A LOT of different things.
1. I've been challenged by something that has always seemed to be a mystery to me, Baptism of the Holy Spirit, and I have been earnestly seeking out what Scripture says, rather than man. What is the difference between being baptized by the Holy Spirit - and how is that different than being filled with the Holy Spirit? When does this Baptism take place? When does the filling take place? Is it something that happens separate from salvation, or does it happen at the same time? Why, when I read scripture, does Paul talk about it happening when we receive Christ - being sealed with the Holy Spirit - yet in Acts, there are times that it's an entirely separate thing? Why are there so many different/conflicting opinions about all of this?
But just like scripture says, we will find Him when we seek him with all of our heart. He has clarified that whole thing to me, which has been (for real) something I have been wrestling with for years. About 4 or 5 years actually. The wrestling came to it's highest point this summer - probably so that I was good and ready for His answer that I received this Fall. Praise the Lord! If I have learned anything from this it is that you really CAN NOT take one (or sometimes even several) passages of scripture and turn a narrative into something that is normative. You HAVE to take ALL of scripture as a whole...and see what it is that God was really doing/saying. Sometimes I have a hard time seeing/grasping the BIG picture...and that's when it gets scary - because that's when I start to see "contradictions" that really aren't contradictions at all. (if you're interested in what I found - I'll be more than happy to share.)
2. I've been challenged by the overwhelming amount of idols in my life. My BSF leader was talking about how believers in Africa will go out of their homes and walk to a garden or other specified area to pray every day. After a while, the person will wear a path on the way to their prayer place. But if a person stopped going to their prayer place to meet with God, their path would naturally start growing grass back where it was once worn. As a form of rebuke between believers, one believer may say to another "Is grass growing on your path?"
Then she posed the question "Is there grass growing in YOUR path?" And the other question was "And where are you going so much that you are wearing a path down?" In other words, am I wearing a path to my computer? to my TV? to my hobbies? even to church - but letting grass grow on my path that leads me to time alone with the Lord? Am I seeking the Lord above all else, or am I seeking everything else above the Lord?
Idols are everywhere and can take the form of anything. Anything that takes our eyes off of the One who gives abundant life.
I've been slapped in the face with a few of these over the past couple of months - and when I've given things up, I've seen just how much of a hold on me they have had. It's kinda scary, really. Just an example: I gave up Facebook and Blogging for a while - and I realized just how much I was caring about other's acceptance/approval and opinions about me. umm...ridiculous! I never really thought I cared... I also realized what I was really doing - avoiding my Lord. And for the first week - it was scary just how much I thought about getting on the computer. seriously? I really had no idea how much it affected me. But as time went on, and I spent more time with Jesus, and more time doing things that really mattered, the less I cared about it. Amazing. Kinda like the book "You Are Special" by Max Lucado.
3. I've been kicked in the gut about the true cost of discipleship. Neil and I are reading a book called "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He definitely doesn't pull any punches, walk around on eggshells, or do anything else cliche'. I'll post on this one later, but let me just say this: we try to read between the lines in our Bibles so much that we more times than not convince ourselves that Jesus is saying something entirely different than what he actually said. Neil and I have been challenged for 2 years now about that - and we have been seeking out what being a disciple should REALLY look like. The more we read Scripture, the more unsettled we become about our part in the American Church - and how it doesn't seem to line up with Scripture. We are willing to change, but lack vision and wisdom, I suppose...as well as a definite calling. We are seeking that out, and this is one of the ways that the Lord is showing us the very delicate balance between living in America and being a disciple of Jesus...so that we aren't vomited out of Jesus' mouth when we finish up our time on earth. But sometimes it just feels like a dagger in the gut to NOT ride the fence. Dying to self. Discipleship. It isn't as easy as our pastors make it sound. It costs us everything.
On that note - Have a great day! :)
