A Step at a Time

Balian, we have learned, likes to progress at his own pace. It's a slower pace than Bella - but whatever. He's been ABLE to stand up on his own for a while now, but he didn't like to do it...it had to be very much encouraged by mom and dad. When he would stand, we would say "come here" but he would just smile, then very slowly squat down and sit on the floor. Yeah. Well, on Sunday, he decided that taking some steps between mom and dad was a pretty fun game. Now, he's finally venturing out and trying to take some steps on his own, without our coaxing.
Here's a not-so-fabulous video of some of his steps. But enjoy!
Oh, and you'll notice that homeboy got a massive haircut. Neil apparently couldn't handle anyone saying "she's so cute" which had happened a couple of times. So, while I was trimming Bella's hair in the kitchen, he decided to take Balian into our bathroom, put him in the bathtub, and take the clippers to his head. When they came out, I almost cried - and I had no pictures of it either! I'm getting used to it now, but I'm still sad to see his curls gone :(

Potty Time!!

We have officially started potty training Balian. The past couple of days we've figured out:

1. He really doesn't like little potties. Most kids are afraid of the "big" potty. Mine doesn't like the little ones. He's 0 for 3 in that department. I even tried one that was specifically made with boys in mind. nope. not gonna happen. But he'll sit on the cushy potty seat that sits on the toilet. Funny kid.

2. Apparently dried cherries are preferred to goldfish as a reward. He loves them! (Neil's idea.)

3. His favorite part of going potty is flushing the potty. He doesn't like to watch the toilet swirl though - he's too focused on the flusher. ha.

So here is what we're doing: We're just adding sitting on the potty as part of our daily routine. Not just once or twice a day, but just like we do the eat, awake, sleep routine when they are babies, we add potty time in there too.

so, when he wakes up, we go potty, and change the diaper.
after breakfast, we go potty, and change the diaper.
at about 10am, he has some water, and about 20 min. later, we go potty and change the diaper.
after lunch...before nap...after nap...after dinner...before bed - all the same deal...when I should really be changing his diaper anyway.

Right now we aren't focused so much on him being dry - just setting a routine - and him getting used to the whole potty thing. So for now, this is what it looks like:

"Ok, Balian, time to go to the potty."
take off the diaper. sit him on the potty. let him flip through his big animal book while he's sitting on there...if he doesn't go after about 5 min, then we take him off - no biggy. If he does go, then we praise him like mad, give him a dried cherry, clean him up, let him flush the potty, then put a new (or dry) diaper on him.
When he hears himself going, or feels it coming out, he gets really excited. Then we praise him, so he's even more excited. Then we give him a cherry and let him flush the potty - and by golly, the potty is the most exciting thing ever!

We officially started yesterday. Yesterday he went about 3 times, and today he went all but one time we put him on the potty (so...about 6 out of the 7 times). pretty neat! I don't think his diaper was ever dry - but like I said, that's not the point for now.

So we'll keep at this for now - just setting a routine - until he shows that he can keep some diapers dry - and we'll go from there.

It worked for Bella, and Balian seems to be catching on beautifully :)

** it's a day later, and before posting this, I wanted to give a fun update. Today (day #3) Balian started really trying to go on the potty every time we put him on there. He would push like he had to poop, even if he didn't - after dinner, I had to let him stay on there a bit longer, because he was trying so hard to go - I wanted to see if something would eventually come out - and hooray, we got some teetee :) He also started clapping for himself as soon as he feels anything come out - he's so excited about it! He also woke up dry from his nap today(his one dry diaper of the day), which is seriously amazing. Must be a fluke. not holding my breath for it to happen again tomorrow, but we'll see. I'm amazed at how well he has progressed just in 3 days! so exciting!

I'll get a potty picture up here eventually...

Questions

It's always amazing to me when everything around me lines up into some central HUGE theme. In college, these "themes" would kick my butt over the course of the year, and usually by the end of the year God had kicked my butt enough that I understood why I was learning what I was, what to do about it, then I was obedient and did it.

Right now, there exists a theme in my life that started January of 09. The church that we were a part of at that time (The Bridge Family Worship Center in Yulee, FL) did a church-wide fast for a week. Neil and I took part and we fasted and prayed for direction for the future. During that time, God showed us that we were supposed to get out of the Navy. Along with that, Neil and I felt like God was calling us out and kicking our butts. He was essentially taking a mirror, putting it in front of us and saying "now you tell me - where have you been living out the command I gave to reach out to the orphans and widows - the poor and destitute - the oppressed people in the world?"
In reality - no matter how hard we could have tried to justify it - there's no way that we could really say that we were doing anything.

We looked at our lives and saw just how ridiculous it all was. Although we didn't feel as though we were living extravagantly by any means, by the American standard...who's standard really matters?
Is our righteousness based on comparison to others? If I say that I don't live nearly as extravagantly as this person over here - who cares? Just because we have a lower mortgage, have 5-year-old cars that both have close to or over 100,000 miles and don't have a car payment, does that really matter in the grand scheme of things?
I'm not half as bad as that person over there, so I must be fine. I don't drink; I don't gamble; I don't swear; I'm not cheating on my husband...the list goes on...I go to church; I sing on the praise team; I help in the nursery; I do this that and everything else....

It all boils down to this: We justify, because we don't measure up when we compare our lives to God's call for righteousness.

I'm not saying that anyone is perfect. We aren't. It's the whole reason we need Jesus. But we have to admit that here, in America, we live very sheltered, excessive, materialistic lives. And because of that - we are sheltered from the reality of the oppression and deprivation that goes on in the rest of the world. Because we don't see it - it doesn't bother us and we don't do a darn thing about it.

And for me - writing a check to "adopt" some kid in Africa doesn't cut it. I'm still cut-off. I'm still so separated from reality. Writing a check is easy because we aren't the ones that have to rely upon God's Providence to provide our next meal. I'm not saying this is bad - we need to do it - I'm just saying that it isn't enough. I have a hard time believing that's what God was talking about when he said to reach out to the orphans and widows. But are we doing anything different at this point? umm.. no.

So Neil and I have been on this very unsettling journey that hasn't really seemed to be going anywhere. We went from living a really comfortable life in Georgia, to living a very comfortable life in Texas. In the meantime, we have shared our struggles with each other over how we just are so unsettled. We feel purposeless. frustrated with the day in and day out of living our pretty cookie-cutter life. There's more to life than the way we are living.

The problem is that we have no vision.
We've struggled with what to do with what we have learned. How do we live this out here, in America? Should we even be in America? Is our culture ripping at our souls?

And people think that us not having cable (and therefore having NO channels to watch - ever) is crazy. I know that there is so much that I hold on to. And these things are totally ridiculous.

Example: We moved into a fixer-upper house (aka - it looks "outdated" because it looks like you stepped into a home in the mid-70's.) Last night Neil and I were discussing finances and wanting to get rid of our house that is currently being rented out in GA - so figuring out how to cut costs to bring the mortgage down to where we could sell the house at a current market value. anyway, we brought up using money we have set aside for home improvements to go toward debt. no problem...I've dealt with carpeted bathrooms for a year...I can handle it for another year... then he mentions how it would mean that we wouldn't be replacing the vertical blinds in our bedroom and Man! did my attitude change or what? "I can't stand those things! I don't know if I can deal with that for another year." seriously. I was throwing a fit and trying to justify how new blinds or curtains were suddenly a need rather than a want - and Neil gently reminded me by using my very own words I had quoted only moments before "It's a matter of needs and wants, Pammy." ugh!

I mentioned BSF in an earlier post (what it is). We're studying the book of Isaiah. Every single week I am utterly amazed at how we are so, so much like Israel was then. The women were haughty and stuck-up parading their wealth around by the clothes that they wore and how fabulously their hair was fixed and how beautiful their jewels were. God told them to change or they would be walking around in sackcloth and would end up bald-headed. He would take away the very thing that they were holding on to for dear life: their beauty and their wealth.
Over and over again God tells the people that they are not looking after the orphan, the widow, and the poor. He despises their religion and unrepentant hearts, and because of this, he would close his ears to their prayers - and would not listen!
He yearns for them to return - to turn back to him - to repent - and to do what he had called them to be - His People.

Over and over again, I feel like I am lost in Israel. Because really - aren't we exactly the same? Who are we trying to impress here? Who's opinion really matters? Who is the One who determines a man's righteousness - because He is the One True example of righteousness.

Oh, how much we need Jesus. And how much I long for a greater vision to do what God has called us to do.
Lord, help me.

17 weeks

ok, seriously...how sad is it that this is my FIRST pregnancy picture of the pregnancy so far? It's horrible. Neil is not one to take any pictures...so I have to rely on creatively figuring out how I can do it myself. So...here's my first shot @17.5 weeks.

Just in the past couple of days I've gotten to that "my belly is tired" stage - when I realize that I've been naturally holding in my belly like I always do, and my abs (and the baby) are starting to resist. My abs get tired, and I finally am forced to relax...and I immediately look a LOT more pregnant. Amazing thing...

Oh, and we've decided to NOT find out what this baby is going to be. We have one of each, and we have everything we need for either one, and our nursery(as well as a lot of the other baby stuff) is gender-neutral, so we're just going to wash the gender-neutral newborn stuff (or both tubs of newborn clothes) and go from there.

of course, I think I know what it is anyway...I always do. And so far, I've been right both times. Bella keeps saying that she's going to be having a baby sister. we'll have to wait and see...

So far, I'm still running, though not as consistent as I would like, and I've had NO problems so far. Not one braxton hicks contraction. I had to stop running @ 16 weeks with Balian, and even earlier with Bella. I'm just going to run as long as I can this time around, just like the other times...only one difference - no bicornuate uterus - and that makes a HUGE difference! I think it would be fabulous to run at least until the beginning of the 3rd trimester (28 weeks). we'll see. I'm not pushing it - seriously. I'm only doing about 2.5-3 miles at a time and averaging about an 11-12 min. pace. Sometimes even slower than that - depepends on the day - how I'm feeling, what my heartrate is like, if I'm pushing both kids in the stroller, etc.

I'm starting to feel the baby move a lot at night. I felt it move once or twice at about 13 weeks, a couple of times at about 16 weeks, but the past couple of days, it's gotten really active. Last night I was carrying Balian, and apparently the baby didn't like Balian's knee digging into my belly, so it was kicking Balian's knee. Almost felt like muscle spasms - and it tickled! ha. Amazing how every pregnancy is different!

Understanding Economics?

I've been listening this week to a radio program by Dr. David Jeremiah about the current economy in America and the world and what it all means...he's written a book called "the Coming Economic Armageddon". The series of sermons for this week have been very educational both about how economics works (explains inflation...helps us grasp how much exactly a trillion dollars is...) and about what God says in His Word about what's going on. Here's a summary:

"Why is the current economic down-turn more troubling than those of the past? What is different this time around? Could it be the trillions of dollars that have evaporated as home values have plummeted? Could it be the premier banking institutions being propped up by government infusions of cash? Dr. Jeremiah examines the causes, effects, and meaning of how corporate greed and fiscal irresponsibility are contributing to the coming fall of the world economy."

you can listen to it on http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/radio_archives.aspx

The series is titled "The Fall of the American Economy."
just thought I'd share, in case you're interested in having a better understanding.

but of course, I encourage you to use it as a tool to do more research on your own!

Midwife update

So we decided on a midwife to use. It pretty much came down to distance... when considering not just the birth, but every prenatal and postpartum appointment as well...it was a pretty important factor. We've decided to go with the Cleburne Birthing Center and our midwife will be Melody Morrow.

I had my first appointment yesterday morning. Most of the appointment was just like going to an OB - the urine testing, checking the baby's heartbeat, measuring the uterus, asking lots of questions (about past pregnancies, family history, etc.). Some things were very different though.

1. I learned to test my own urine sample. I did the normal thing, but instead of giving it to a nurse to test, I got a strip of litmus paper squares, dipped it in the sample, waited, and compared the colors on the squares to what they were supposed to look like...so I could see if my protein, glucose, and the like were the way they were supposed to be, then reported the results to the midwife.

2. While going over all the paperwork with the midwife, the kids read books, played with toys, played with the assistant midwives, hung out with the other people there, and just had a grand 'ol time. Nobody minded them roaming around and playing. Nobody minded helping me out with them when needed. One of the midwives even let Balian climb the stairs, and stayed right there behind him the whole time while I was finishing up some paperwork and payment stuff.

3. They have free water and snacks for anybody who comes...nutrigrain bars, crackers, etc., and animal crackers for the kids.

4. There's a toy box in every room that appointments happen in. The lobby, the exam room, the sitting area upstairs...the kids always had something to play with to keep them occupied while I took care of my thing. so wonderful!

5. I didn't feel rushed at all. I felt like I every question I had got completely answered, and more. All-over, I felt so incredibly encouraged.

6. I was educated about nutrition like I never have before. Did you know that a pregnant woman needs 90-100g of protein and 3-4 Liters of water (that's 12-16 glasses...or 96-128 OUNCES) EVERY DAY? I was given information sheets about foods that contain protein and iron, and how much they have. I was also given a Food Diary to keep for the next 2 weeks...so that they can see if I'm getting enough water and protein...and an estimation of my caloric intake.

7. I wasn't hounded about doing the down syndrome and cystic fibrosis tests when filling out the consent forms. They referred to them as "not really necessary". And when talking about STD testing (minus the first HIV test required by law), it isn't an automatic thing that they do...they asked if I thought I needed it. I said "nope. that's the beauty of saving sex for marriage." and they just said "sure is!"

8. I was greeted with hugs, as well as got hugs on my way out.

Can you tell I'm excited about using a midwife?

One big thing we have to decide: Home birth or Birthing Center? The reason it's even up for debate (we were already set for doing home birth) is that we found out that our insurance will cover midwife care, if I deliver at the birthing center...but they won't cover a home birth. We didn't think they covered anything, and thought we'd be paying for it all (which really isn't much at all compared to what out-of-pocket expenses are for a hospital birth, even if you're only paying 20%). Apparently that's not the case, and they'll cover the birthing centers...for some reason insurance companies think there's a big difference between a birthing center and home (which there's really not as far as standard of care and resources).
Anyway, still a big decision. But we don't have to decide for sure until 36 weeks...so we have some time to really think it over.