Trust and Obey

  How many times have I told my children they need to listen, and obey- right away, all the way, in a happy way?  So many times I have wondered if I have been any kind of example for them to follow.  Do I obey God right away, all the way, in a happy way?  Or, do I hesitate, delay my obedience, only do as much as I feel comfortable doing, or grumble about what I'm supposed to do when I actually do it?

This week I have been studying about Abraham's call from God to leave everything he had known and go wherever God led him.  He had no clue where he was going when he left, and yet, he brought everyone and everything he had with him on his journey- never questioning God, but simply obeying, knowing that He who has promised is faithful.

Then, when God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son- the one in whom God said Abraham's promise would begin to be fulfilled through, he still trusted that God would keep his promise.  That He would make a way, even if it meant raising Issac from the dead. He trusted God completely, and obeyed God one step at a time, calmly and confidently.  He knew that whatever God spoke would come to pass.  Every promise would be fulfilled.  

What an incredible example of true faith and trust in God alone.

In the midst of studying Abraham, God's Word seemed to be screaming at me, if that is possible.  You see, there is this thing that the Holy Spirit has whispered softly on occasion to me over the past couple of months - putting a bug in my ear so to speak.  I never had confirmation of what I was supposed to do, but I have been praying for it.

My answer came through God's Word, and the gentle (or not so gentle) voice of the Holy Spirit.  As I'm reading and studying, He says "you know that thing that you've been wondering about- the thing that you wanted confirmation about- yeah, you need to follow Abraham's example.  I need you to act in faith and obey."

I suppose true faith comes when we give up the very thing we love the most.

Even if it is something that God has completely directed our path in.  When His fingerprints are everywhere.  When you question "surely you don't mean that, Lord."

Maybe He just wants me to show Him that I care for Him and love Him more than any hope, dream, or desire.  To show Him I love Him, the Gift- Giver more than I love the gift.  That I will trust, obey, and follow Him no matter the cost.  To make sure that He, rather than me, will be glorified.

I don't know the reason.  I don't understand it.  I have no idea what is ahead.

Does He want me to give up something good, so that He can give me His Best?

Is it simply a test of faith and obedience?

Is it a change of seasons in my life?

I have no clue.

God has asked me to step down from Praise team.

Even though music has been the constant thing in my life since I was 4 years old.

Even though God, not me, put me in specific places of leadership or training to equip me as a worship leader.

Even though our praise team hasn't finished our CD that has 2 of the songs God gave me on it.

Even though, only 2 weeks ago, He gave me this huge burst of creativity, and in a week, we finished or wrote completely 4 new songs He put on my heart.

Even though as far as we know, we are staying right where we are, in Granbury, and at Generations Church.

There are so many of those "Even though..."s.

And yet, all He has asked is for simple obedience.  Simple trust.  Simple faith.

It is definitely not simple.  Not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

But it doesn't matter.

These are the words to one of the songs I was given:

"The more I seek your face the more I seem to find my way,

It's in losing all of me that I bring glory to your name.

Help me lose control, and gain your strength, as I disappear in you,

Make less and less of me until your Spirit shines through

I need you, Lord

And with every passing hour, I know I need you more than ever

I need you more

I could never get enough of you

I need your Grace to pull me through

I need your love, oh Lord, I need you more

Take my hopes and dreams, and all my plans, and make them what you will

Take everything that's of myself, everything that's not of you

For nothing in this world could offer anything you give

Who else could speak to dead men's bones, breathe life, and make them live?

I give up

I know I'm nothing without you

Pour me out, pour me out

No matter what the cost, 

I know without you I am lost

But now, I'm finding you"

It's always amazing how God prepares my heart for the next step through giving me songs.  He is literally singing over me.

How could I NOT trust Him?

I met with our worship pastor this evening.  He wasn't happy that God was taking me away, but he released me and blessed me, and encouraged me in my walk of faith.

And that is what I am doing; walking in faith.

Now I have to be still, and do what I know to do as I wait, until in His time, He calls me to whatever His will for me may be.

May God receive Glory for whatever He is doing in me.

He who has promised is faithful.  Always.

Hymn Time

My kids sing worship songs all the time.  Lately their favorite is from Kari Jobe- Light of the World.
But there is something amazing about hymns.  They are so rich with Scriptural depth, understanding, and wisdom.  They are songs that last forever in our hearts because of that depth.
The praise songs of today are wonderful, but even in the past 10 years or so they have changed so much.  Most just don't last in our hearts the way that hymns do (and I'm a song-writer!).
At BSF, the kids have Hymn Time and the adults sing hymns together in Worship before and after time spent with our discussion groups.
Hymns are a fabulous in helping to build a solid spiritual foundation in our children.

Because of this, we have Hymn Time during our "circle time" every morning.  Each month we will learn a new hymn.  We will work to memorize ALL of the verses because skipping verses skips over so much significance to the song.

This month our Hymn is Holy, Holy, Holy.  The kids sing at least the first verse at BSF, so I figured starting with familiar territory was good.  In teaching them, I am learning myself, and I am cherishing some of the words in this hymn for the first time.

Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty

Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee
Holy, Holy, Holy, Merciful and Mighty
God in Three Persons, blessed Trinity

Holy, Holy, Holy, all the saints adore Thee

Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea
Cherubim and Seraphim, falling down before Thee
Who wert, and art, and evermore shalt be

Holy, Holy, Holy, tho' the darkness hides Thee

Tho' the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see
Only Thou art holy, there is none beside Thee
Perfect in pow'r, in love, and purity

Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty

All Thy works shall praise Thy Name in earth, and sky, and sea
Holy, Holy, Holy, Merciful and Mighty
God in Three Persons, blessed Trinity.

The Fog

I feel like my world has been rocked.  And yet, at the same time I feel as though I'm finally finding some clarity.

The past 2.5 years have been such a struggle.  I just haven't been "me".  

I've been trying to see clearly through thick fog.  Squinting.  Straining to see what's in front of me.  Trying to make out the lines that keep me on the right side of the road.  Moving forward slowly, yet feeling like I'm not moving forward at all.

Yet I've been in the Word.  Growing in knowledge.  And drawing closer to the Savior.

I've been on my face before the Lord.  Literally.  Countless times.  Crying out.  Drawing near to the Lord in ways that I never have before - in ways I've never needed to before.

In the midst of my weakness, I have taken my failings to the only One who can transform.

And yet, in my weakness, Satan has used it as an opportunity to plant seeds of doubt in so many ways.

I would read the Word, and see how far I was from where I wanted to be.

I would confess, repent, draw near to God, and yet, I looked and saw the same things present in my life.  The same feelings.  The same actions.

I longed for transformation.

There were times that I would be doing ok for a while.  Good days.  It brought hope that perhaps things were changing.  I would go on-sometimes days, sometimes weeks even - where I felt as though I was truly being transformed.

But I was never truly out of the fog.

I still felt weighed down.  I still felt like something just wasn't right.  I still just wasn't me.

What happened to my fire?

What happened to the life? The spark?  The sense of adventure?

The one who was passionate about life?

The one who loved with everything she had?

I started to question everything.  Where had I gone wrong?

Did I have unconfessed sin in my life?

Was there some unforgiveness?

Why do I feel this way?

I would wonder what I was doing wrong.  What I needed to change.

So then I started going into this works-based mindset.  What can I do?  How can I change?  

Because if I was drawing near to the Lord and I wasn't being transformed, surely I was doing something wrong.

I thought that I had failed.

But a works-based mindset can only lead to behavior modification.  Not true transformation.

I even came to question my Salvation itself, because I still was struggling to see fruit in my life.  I mean, if we know a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:17-18), and my fruit was bad, then I must not really know the Lord like I say I do, right?

But that would simply bring me back to the quiet place to find refuge and strength.  I would cast my cares on the Lord.  He would renew my hope.

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17 NIV84)

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

 (Isaiah 40:31 NIV)

I was doing all the right things.  Going to the right place.  My heart was even in the right place.  So why wasn't I getting better?  It even felt as though I was getting worse.

10 hours of sleep at night, and I was still exhausted.

Mood swings would come out of nowhere...still...when 2.5 years ago I never had a short fuse.

Getting angry over ridiculous things.

Crying at times that seemed just as ridiculous.

Getting really bothered by affection...when I used to be known for my hugs...

Lack of motivation.

I saw all of these symptoms, and many more.

Was it possible that my hormones were still not regulated?  I kept waiting to feel better...but it never happened.

After a conversation with a woman at my church, and prayer, I felt compelled to go back to the doctor.  I started looking up symptoms.  Maybe it was my Thyroid?  Who knows?

But I was willing to, if nothing else, see if there was even a physical problem there.

My doctor tested hormones, thyroid, even vitamins and minerals (B12, Iron, etc.) in my blood to try to find the root of the problem.

A little over a week later I was called with the test results.

Nothing.  Nothing was abnormal.  My blood test came back perfect.

Most people would be ecstatic.  Not me.  I was confused.

I still had a follow-up appointment to go over the test results.  Not really sure why.  But I went.

A doctor- a different one- a woman came in to go over the results with me.  

"this should be easy," she said.  "everything looks perfect."

My respnse: "We did the tests to see what was wrong.  If the tests are all normal, then why do I have all of these symptoms?"

She asked me to go over my symptoms again.  I started crying right there.  Saying "see?  What is wrong with me?"

Then she asked me something really weird.  

"are you craving sugar all the time?"

Yes...totally confused.

Then she started talking to me about Seretonin levels.  That I was showing all of the symptoms of low Seretonin.

Low Seretonin = Depression

It was the first time I had ever heard of Depression as a physical problem rather than an emotional problem.

My Doctor then came in to talk to me about it some more.  He told me that Depression puts this image in people's minds of someone crying in a corner, but that more times than not, Depression shows itself in people who just say that they just don't feel like themselves.  They just don't feel good.

He said that he suspected Depression when he ran the tests, but he wanted to eliminate other possibilities first.

They started talking about medicine, and I got kinda freaked out.

Anti-depressants?  I didn't know how I felt about that.

But the more I talked to my Doctor, the more ok with it I felt.

Could all of the stuff I had been through be summed up to a physical problem of low Seretonin?

I knew I had symptoms of depression.  I never questioned that.  My questions were always about the reason why.

I always had in my head that the Depression was caused because of a deeper problem.  I mean, it showed up right after having Balian, so it had to have started because of hormones, right?  But as time went on and I wasn't getting better, more times than not I just assumed that what I was going through had to be a spiritual problem.  What I hadn't realized was that physical problems can affect my spiritual life, but that doesn't make it a spiritual problem.

Perhaps it wasn't because of a lack of faith that I wasn't healed.

Perhaps it was a physical issue that I was trying to make a spiritual issue.

Now, does that mean that I believe any less in God's healing power?  Absolutely not!

What I am saying is that God heals in different ways.  It isn't always some supernatural healing that can't be explained.

Sometimes He heals in common ways, by going to the doctor, by taking medicine. By receiving treatments.

Does that mean that we don't go to God and ask Him to heal?  Absolutely not!

Because weather by supernatural means, or by wisdom and medicine, it is God that does the healing.

He is "Able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20)

He is able to heal in ways that can only be explained by the Power of God.

And He is able to heal through medicine, because any wisdom that man possesses came from God in the first place.  Weather man knows it or not.  Weather man acknowledges it or not.

Either way, God deserves the Glory.

And that is what truly matters.  God receiving the Glory.

That is our ultimate purpose here, on earth.  To give God the Glory.

I can't explain why God works in one way with one person and another way with another person, except that perhaps God receives the Glory best in different ways in different people's lives.

Why were Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego saved IN the furnace rather than being saved FROM the furnace? (Daniel 3)

Why did God tell Naaman, throgh Elisha, to go dip into the river 7 times to be healed, even though he expected something different. "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy." (2 Kings 5:11 NIV)

Why did Jesus put mud on a man's eyes to heal his blindness (John 9), and at other times He simply spoke (John 4, and others)?

Why did some get healed by going into the healing pool and others never had the chance to get in there in the first place (John 5)?

God heals in different ways at different times.

God works in different ways, depending on the circumstances.

But His goal is always the same.  For us to draw near to Him, and for Him to receive the Glory.

I haven't been healed yet.  I'm still awaiting my healing.  The fog is still there.  I'm still squinting and looking ahead and wondering if I'm truly moving forward.  But I'm believing that the fog will eventually clear.

I believe that God is able to heal me.

I believe He will heal me, in whatever capacity He chooses.

And just like those 3 men who said "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not..."(Daniel 3:13, 17, 18 NIV).

Even if He doesn't, I will still praise Him.

Because God has already given me Victory through His Son.

I wrote this song a while back.  It's the one that we've recorded for the CD.  Although I don't have the music for you to listen to, I can at least give the words.  

I have treasure in this jar of clay

Overflowing with your goodness, even though I break

Though at times it may seem I'm lost in defeat

I'll remember you've already brought the victory.

You never said that victory meant having things my way

But instead that you conquered all when you overcame the grave

Help me walk in your joy so the world can see

That you've already brought the victory

So I will count it joy when trials come my way

When the world around me crumbles and seems in disarray

I am hard-pressed on every side, but I won't give up

And every strife that this world brings, you have overcome with love

Help me keep my eyes fixed on the cross and through your Word remind me

That you've already brought the victory

So I praise you, Jesus, in the midst of my pain

Knowing battles that I come against will bring you fame

Yes, you are good, and from your throne you can see

And you've already brought the victory

You've already brought the victory.

Ichthus

 So pretty much, I'm just going to post about a million pictures and describe.  Seems the easiest way to go...


We left Tuesday morning at about 11am.

Cary, driving us faithfully.

 We arrived in Memphis, TN for the night.

Our bass player, Scott.

Danni, my roomy for the week

Unloading...that's a lot of luggage!

We headed from Memphis on Wednesday morning to Wilmore, KY - to the Asbury Theological Seminary/ Asbury College campus.

Half of us (the ones of us that were spouse-less for the trip) stayed on campus.

My roomies - Danni and Mrs. Diane.  Danni lives about 2 blocks from me in Granbury, and her girls are my kids' most favorite people on planet earth.

Mrs. Diane is an incredible woman with amazing wisdom, and such an encouraging spirit!  Most of us have adopted her as our own and call her "Mom".

Love these ladies!!

We were really surprised at how nice the dorms were.  We had a suite with 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchenette.  We were pretty cozy for the week!

 We showed up the next morning at Ichthus to kick off the day with worship.  I've never experienced having "roadies" to help out with unloading and set-up before...any time I've played somewhere, we've had to tote almost everything we needed with us, and had to do all the work ourselves to set up.  But the roadies were there...and we were thankful!  This was also the first time I've gone to play somewhere and I wasn't playing my guitar.  It felt so bazaar to just be standing around while everyone else was setting up, tuning, etc.  Different experiences...

See the guy sitting at the drums in the picture above on the Right?  He was incredible.  (My mind is totally going blank on his name at the moment...it'll come to me later, I'm sure...) The schedule got changed last minute, and so we ended up not leading worship on Saturday morning.  This guy was really upset about that. He was an encouragement to us, and we were all able to pray together in the midst of a bit of frustration.

We always started out with a pretty small crowd, but it grew as we continued to worship...

It is a privilege to sing with these ladies. 

Diane, Janet, myself, and Karen

Our group led worship Thursday and Friday mornings.  We have multiple "leaders" in our group that lead worship.  Shake is awesome about passing the reigns and training up leaders.  So just like we do on Sundays at church, we passed the reigns a lot.  My turn to lead came on Friday morning.  There was no denying that the Holy Spirit ushered us deeper into Himself.  I feel like I even had some breakthroughs in worship on Friday while leading.  Amazing how God works.

We went to Northeast Christian Church to "rehearse", a.k.a worship.  Great worship time :)

Back Row: Shake, Mike, Cary, Jeff, Kelly
Front Row: Karen, Alatha, Emma, Danni, Diane, Janet, me, Gary, Scott, and Bubby (Shake and Karen's son)

Another thing that we did was an interview about multi-cultural worship.  Shake and a guy named Neil, who is a black pastor of a white Presbyterian church, talked about what the church is missing when we separate ourselves according to ethnic backgrounds within the body of Christ.  All of us were a part of the interview - which is just stinkin' cool, because that is the whole reason our group is different!  Our church is predominately white, but we're beginning to get more and more ethnicly diverse - not just black and white - but hispanic, asian - you name it!  And our praise team is great because we are so diverse!  In a single sunday we will sing anything from your typical "white" contemporary Christian songs - to music typically found in black gospel churches - and everything in between.  Hymns are sung in ways that are traditionally sung in both kinds of churches.  The amazing thing is this - take a song like Order My Steps - a gospel song that is usually sung by a large black lady that has amazing pipes.  When Alatha goes forward and is preparing to sing, there is doubt spread all over the faces of those that know that song - they have their doubts that a skinny white girl can sing it well - but she is simply amazing.  Then, once she starts singing, you get faces with eyes so wide they look like they're going to bust out of their heads!
Anyway...back to the interview...(sorry!)
The interview will be aired on God tv at some point in the future.  not sure when.  I think I'm the only person who didn't say anything in the interview.  Do you ever have times that you just kinda feel like you need to shut up because you feel like you talk too much?  That was me that day.  I didn't want to speak unless the Holy Spirit prompted me.  I didn't want to speak just for the sake of saying something.  Then, when I did feel prompted, time didn't really allow for me to say anything.  That's fine with me.  But what I would have shared is this:  In Acts 1, Jesus says that the Holy Spirit would come and the disciples would be his witnesses - to Jerusalem, all of Judea, to Samaria, and to the whole world.  And all through Acts we see how all of these people groups received the same salvation and the same Spirit - bringing unity where otherwise there was none.  The Jews hated the Samaritans, but because of Christ, they were one.  Brothers and sisters.  God wants unity.  We were never intended to be separated in worship by race, and we miss out on the fullness of God when we separate.

Shake's home church was hosting a Benny Hinn service.  I had no idea who Benny Hinn was before I went. Let's just say it was quite an experience.  One that I hope to not repeat ever again.  I could go on and on about that one...but I think it would be best for me to keep my mouth shut other than to say that I didn't just feel "checks" in my spirit - I felt SCREAMS - to get out!  And when I did, it felt like I was finally able to breathe again - a breath of fresh air after feeling pressed down in an almost suffocating-like atmosphere.
ok, ok...I'll stop now...

Saturday, we played twice at the Galleria stage at Ichthus.  It was kinda surreal.  This was the line-up:
8:10pm - Derek Webb
9:20pm - us
10:30pm - the Afters
11:40pm - us again.


Of course, this was all going on while Tenth Avenue North and Chris Tomlin were playing on the Main Stage...which is where everyone was...o well.


We received some pretty amazing encouragement though.  The guy that was the owner of the sound company that Ichthus was using told us that he was amazed that our group was able to blend (harmonies) so well, considering all the talent (ie, strong voices) that we have.  He also said that we shouldn't have been closers for the night, but instead should have been put on earlier, when more people were around to hear us. For someone that's around musicians as much as he is, that was a HUGE compliment!

 Love these ladies!!

Diane, Emma, (Jeff behind us), Janet, me, Alatha, Danni, and Karen

Oh, yes, and one of the perks of being a musician/singer/whatever you want to call us, is that we had backstage access the entire time.  Here, a picture from backstage at the end of Chris Tomlin's set - as he's gettin' down :)

Danni and I were hoping to get a chance to meet him, but it didn't happen - we didn't have time to stick around - we had to book it to our next set!

We did get to meet some other fun people though.

I'm not a person that just goes up to people whose name I know, but I have no reason to talk to them other than to simply meet them.  I mean, we are all just people, right?  But Shake introduced us to some people that he knew that I would not have otherwise met, which is pretty neat.

(I know I'm being totally vague here, but I'm not a big fan of throwing out names).

I will mention some people though, that you may or may not have heard.  Mostly because I just thought they were neat people.  And their music is good too.

Josiah James was a pretty neat guy.  I actually met him in the merchandise tent.  He was manning his own table, which I thought was pretty cool - and he had an ipod and headphones on the table for people to listen to his music that may not have heard it yet - genius!  His music is good though.  Kind of a pop/emo feel.  I bought both of his CDs - and I'm liking them!  You should check him out!

We met These guys, from Visible Worship Band, because they were the ones that took our place leading worship on Saturday morning.  Then, we kept running into Eric, the bass player, who is from Texas, and said he felt horrible about what happened that morning (even though they had nothing to do with it).  Eric is definitely an extrovert - a very fun guy!  We didn't get a chance to hear them play, but they just finished their first CD, so you should check it out!  They have a very fun, very different, somewhat folk-y sound.  Not your typical worship band.  

Look up Visible Worship Band: Forged in Love on iTunes.

Back to what we did...

 

Sunday, we had 2 sets at 2 different campuses of the same church, Evangel World Prayer Center, in Louisville.  First was City of Hope, where we lead worship, and Shake also preached.  This place is amazing.  Not only do they have a church building, but they have apartments that they use to get people on their feet after dealing with addictions, etc - as well as a food pantry and they feed a crazy amount of people every day through their ministry.  God was moving in some pretty amazing ways that morning. Meaning the Word of God was penetrating hearts, and people were being healed because of it.

Hearts were healed.  Burdens were lifted.  Victories were won.

And before we knew it, we had been praising God together for 3 hours!! 

So we were late to our next set, at (I think) the main Evangel campus - but it was ok, and worked out fine.  

Sunday night, our church decided to pamper their praise team, and had reserved rooms for us at a 4-star hotel in downtown Louisville.  The Brown.  It was a great night of good rest, and I am so thankful to have a church family that loves on us just because they want to Bless us :)

Monday morning, we headed back to Texas.  We arrived at about 3am on Tuesday morning.  I still don't think I've caught up on sleep.

All in all, Ichthus was great.  There were difinitely moments of frustration, disorganization, and difficulty dealing with traveling with 2 vans and 15+ people.  Everything takes longer.  Nothing goes the way we expect.

But God is always there in the midst of it.  He always finds us right where we are.  He uses every opportunity to draw us closer to Himself, even when we're being hyper-critical, overly frustrated, are sleep-deprived, food deprived, and have a bad attitude (yes, talking about myself here).  God's desire is always repentance.  Always to bridge the gap between He and us individually and corporately.  He has our Best in mind, when we don't even know what our "best" is.

So what's next?  No idea.  I know that we're going to continue with recording.  I know that God is continually giving me songs.  Other than that, it's in God's hands.  In the midst of it all, He is teaching me to be content in every situation.  But quite obviously, I still need some work on that one (bad attitude = not content).  So whether I'm leading worship for a congregation, or jumping and waving my arms around like a crazy person while doing music with the babies in the nursery, or I'm at home doing dishes, sweeping crumbs off the floor, and changing diapers - God is using it all.  Eventually I'll understand the big picture - I just may not understand until I see Him face to face - and then...it won't really matter.

An update almost 2 years later...

I think I can finally update you on some stuff that I gave a teaser on almost 2 years ago, in my post "oh, the possibilities..."

At our church, we have an amazing worship pastor.  Amazing talent, to say the least.  Plays guitar, bass guitar, keys, and I'm sure a ton more... but not just an instrumentalist...and a vocalist...and a songwriter...and has worked in the music industry forever...but he's also a producer.  Oh, yeah...and he's a big black man that's filled with the Holy Spirit.  So, he not only has amazing talent...but also an amazing heart for God.
Our church is extremely Blessed to have Shake Anderson.  Only God could have lead him to where he is.
(If you haven't heard  this CD, written almost entirely by Shake, you should check it out.  The Song "Medicine for Someone Else", sung by Ruben Studdard, has been nominated for a Dove Award.)

This year, starting our third year with Shake, after teaching us and challenging us, and really working hard with us, making us better singers, songwriters, and musicians than we ever thought we could be...
GenPraise (Generations Church Praise Team) is in the process of recording an album.

What's even more amazing to me is that some of the songs that we are using for this project are songs that God gave me.  When I first played some of my songs for Shake, and he said that he liked them, I was speechless.  I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor.  And that was over a year ago.  Just in the past year, God has opened wide the door in my songwriting.  I've been gleaning so much from His Word, and He's turning what I'm learning into songs to share with others.
Songwriting isn't new to me - but God is stretching me in new, amazing ways.  Ways that I never thought possible.

This week we've been working on recording my newest song, "You've Already Brought the Victory."  It's all God, hands down.  If you never thought a white girl could write a gospel song, think again.  With Christ, all things are possible. ha. :)
I'm excited, and I'm extremely humbled.  The entire process for this song thus far - has been God proving Himself to me over and over and over again - and leaving absolutely NO chance to give glory anywhere but where it belongs - to God himself.  He started giving me this song in the middle of worship last Sunday morning.  That's never happened before.  So I'd write a little - then sing when I was supposed to (yes, I was up on the platform - I was just hoping I wasn't distracting anybody, but the Holy Spirit was moving and I couldn't disobey that!)  Then Monday, I was supposed to meet with Shake and it just kept not working out...Tuesday morning, I open up my Bible, read the passage of Scripture that had stirred up my heart, then read the words that God had given me on Sunday.  I'm praying over these words and meditating on them,  and BAM! All of a sudden, I had the entire tune of the song in my head.  Everything stopped.  The kids were playing by themselves, amazingly enough - without interruption - and the words kept coming, the melody kept coming, and everything just came together so beautifully.  I didn't have time to figure out the entire chord progression - I just had the key it was in, and the tune in my head, and the words on my paper.  I took that with me to my meeting with Shake that afternoon. I told him what I had, and he seemed a bit worried, but told me to go ahead and sing it to him without music.   So, I did.  And his response - "Well, I know what we'll be recording tonight."  Talk about a slap in the face! He apparently got the same vision with it that I did.  It was 5pm, and the team would be back up there at 6:30 for recording.  In that time, Shake took care of figuring out the chord progression, and went ahead and laid down the tracks for electric guitar, keys, and bass so that we could record that night - as well as figuring out an arrangement with all the harmony parts, etc.  seriously.  amazing.
And everything so far is sounding really, really good.
The vision in that man's head is nothing less than the power of the Holy Spirit.
I can't wait for you to hear it all someday soon.

In the meantime, if you could pray for the project - for the CD - that would be great.  We're recording, and Shake is producing - all within our church walls - but we're not really sure what's going to happen after all is said and done - only God does.
There is so much that God is doing in our church right now - it's like this CD is just an overflow of what's going on.  God has so much in store.  He's moving.  The Holy Spirit is at work.  We are just trying to grab hold of everything that He's doing.

oh, and for those of you from Kentucky - We're going to be at Icthus this year :)
and that's another prayer request - figuring out how I can go - and having someone to take care of the kids for about a week...Right now it's looking like Neil will be taking off work to be home with the little ones while I'm gone for a week.  If that's what needs to happen, then wonderful - but I need to feel better and less guilty about it, if that's the case.  Just praying for God's peace.  It's a tough balance to be a stay-at-home mom, and be entirely content in that - and yet going where the Holy Spirit leads, without putting my ministry to my children (or submission to my husband) to the wayside.  Asking my husband to do my job for a week, while taking off of his is a hard pill to swallow, even when Neil is supporting and encouraging me.  It's just a difficult balance that I've only had to deal with on a very small scale up to this point (rehearsals, recording, etc.).  Going from being with my kids every day to being gone for an entire week is a pretty big deal.

I'll keep you posted on everything as there are updates to give.

Desert Song

I love this song... simply because it speaks about worship being more than a feeling...more than something that happens outwardly. But sometimes by going through the motions of just simply speaking (or singing) out loud WHO GOD IS - and lifting our hands in surrender - we gain victory over doubt, fear, circumstances, and the principalities of darkness!
And this is an incredible testimony of just that :)