Bella's Salvation Story

  My baby girl received the gift of Salvation today.

I have no doubt in my mind that it was a true heart transformation rather than simply understanding in her head.  I knew that she had wrapped her mind around it.  You can look at this post for that understanding.

But today was much different.

She knows the story.  She could tell you how you get to heaven and live with Jesus forever.  She could quote Psalm 23, or tell you all about Jonah, Joshua, Moses, Paul, Adam and Eve, and Jesus.  She sings songs to God constantly - even makes up her own.

But I was always not really sure about where she truly stood in relationship with God.  I had never seen her have a heart of true repentance.

But God...

How many times do we see those words in Scripture?

This week we have been studying about Cain and Able.  We opened God's Word together at home, we talked about it while driving in the car, and we learned even more about it at BSF.

And can I just pause here and share how amazing our God is!

Bella came home after church on Sunday with a cough and a fever of about 102.

Monday was even worse.  Her fever spiked up to 103.9 at one point. 

Tuesday she seemed to be getting better.  No medicine required to keep the fever down to low-grade.

Wednesday morning, she woke up without fever and feeling fine.

Wednesday is BSF day.  Usually I have this 24- hr. rule about fever.  If they have any fever 24 hours before they could potentially expose other kids, then we don't go.  That simple.

Wednesday morning, I thought well, low-grade yesterday, no fever this morning...she should be good to go.  That 24- hr. rule kept coming to mind, but I felt an even stronger nudging (the unquestionable kind) that we should go.  That we were going.  No questions asked.  No looking back.

When Bella arrived at her class, her teacher drew a heart on her hand and put a letter "o" inside the heart.  She told Bella that God wants us to obey Him in our hearts.

For some reason I just wanted to cry right there in the hallway.

So Bella learned all about Cain and Able.  How Able obeyed God in his heart, but Cain sinned against God in his heart.

After we got home from BSF, Bella's temp skyrocketed again to 102.8.

Of course this made me immediately feel horrible for going to BSF and exposing other kids to who knows what.

(Called the doc, went to get her checked out this morning, and she had a smidge of pneumonia.  We caught it very early.  He said it probably just started out as a cold that just settled into her lungs.)

Ok, now it's been a crazy kind of day.  Driving to Cleburne to the doctor, getting a prescription filled....oh, and Isaiah refused to take a nap because he took a cat- nap on the 20- minute drive home from CVS :(

I had asked Bella and Balian to clean up some of their stuff.  Yes, I realize she has pneumonia, but if she felt good enough to play outside and ride her bike in the driveway, she felt good enough to pick up her toys...

I was in the kitchen, with a screaming toddler at my ankles, attempting to get dinner started.  We have a pass-through from our kitchen to living room.  Bella came to the living room, crying, and was trying to talk to me about something.  I couldn't hear her because of the screaming child, so I asked her to come into the kitchen.

Then she said, "Mommy, Jesus just told me something that I don't like."

The past 2 weeks or so, Bella has been telling me at random times that Jesus told her                 .  But this was a new one.  I didn't know weather it was conviction, or if I was going to need to speak Truth over a lie of the enemy.

So, very cautiously, I asked her what Jesus had told her.

"Jesus told me that I need to obey, even if I don't want to."

Yup, that was the Holy Spirit alright.

"Yes, that's true, Bella.  I too have to obey even when I don't want to."

"I try really hard to obey, Mommy, but I just don't know how." (Sobbing)

"And I don't obey all the time either.  You know why?"

Shakes her head no.

"Because of sin.  We all sin.  We all have sin in our heart."

"My sin is blocking the Holy Spirit from my heart!" 

I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor...how in the world does she understand such things at her age?

She is almost hysterical at this point.

"Bella, that is why we have Jesus.  That's why Jesus died for you.  You don't have to have sin in your heart.  Jesus already died for ALL of your sin.  Every sin you have already done.  Every sin you will do.  He already knew what you would do, but He died for you anyway.  He loves you, and He wants to take your sin away.  All you have to do is tell Jesus that you are sorry, tell Him what you are sorry for, then ask Him to forgive you.  And you know what?  He will.  As soon as you ask, because He already knows your heart.  He already sees that you are sorry.  He just wants to hear it from you."

"I don't like the sin in my heart."

"You know what, Bella, that is a very good thing."

"Why?"

"Because if we hate our sin, it shows that we really love Jesus."

"I DO love Jesus!"

"I know you do.  No doubt about it.  You love Jesus.  Now, do you want to talk to Him and tell Him that you are sorry?"

"Can you talk to Jesus for me?"

"No, Bella.  You have to be the one to talk to Him.  He needs to hear it from you.  He wants to hear it from your heart.  I can't tell Him that you are sorry.  Only you can do that.  If you want me to, I can start out and Pray for you, then you can pray, and ask Jesus to forgive you."

"Ok."

So I prayed for Bella, thanking God for the Work He had done in her heart.  For the beautiful child that she is.

Then Bella said simply, with a true child-like faith, "Jesus, I'm sorry for disobeying you.  Can you please take the sin out of my heart?"

I told her that Jesus was quick to forgive those that come to Him truly sorry for their sin.

She was still sobbing, and now coughing.

I told her that her sin was gone.  That she had nothing to be upset about anymore.  No reason to feel guilty or shameful.  She had been forgiven!  I told her that Satan likes to make us feel guilty, but it's only a lie.

"I don't want Satan in my heart!  I don't want sin in my heart!"

"All you have to do is tell him to leave in the Name of Jesus, and he will.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Jesus is stronger and has power over the enemy.  Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.  You know what that means?"

Shakes her head no.

"Jesus living in your heart through the Holy Spirit is stronger than Satan."

"What does resist mean?"

"Fight."

"Satan go away in the name of Jesus!"

She starts sobbing more and more.  Coughing more.  She was crying so hard that she ran to the bathroom and threw up.

Yeah, I'd say that's true repentance.

I finally picked up the screaming toddler.  For some reason I was able to just tune him out and focus on Bella, when ordinarily, that would have been almost impossible.

But it is a testimony that God's plans will never be thwarted.

No matter how much the enemy may try.

No sickness, no fever...

No screaming toddler...

No attempts of the enemy to hurt our relationship, or use me as a stumbling block in her life because of my not-so-perfect example...

Nothing can seperate us from the love of the Father.  

Nothing can stop God from completing His will.

It is a testimony of my God being stronger.

Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for beginning a good work in Bella's heart.  I know that I can do nothing to change a heart.  To transform a heart to love you.  Only you can make transformation happen.  Thank you for stirring up Bella's heart, for bringing her from darkness into Light.  Thank you for guiding my feet, and speaking through me.  Thank you for the precious, priceless gift of Salvation.  For the forgiveness of sin.  For the hope we have both here, on earth, and for eternity.

You are Good.

The only One that is Good.

May you receive every bit of glory for the work you have begun.

I know that you will finish the work that you have started.  You will see it to completion, when we stand before you on Your throne.

Hallelujah!

Bella's Questions

My pretty girl posing like mommy for a picture...

Ok, so today is a much more serious note.
Is it possible for a 3-yr-old to really understand Salvation and accept that gift so young?

A couple of months ago, Bella witnessed her first baptism.  It was entirely intentional.  I wanted her to see what a baptism was, so that she would ask questions...and the questions came like an avalanche!

Add to this, that Bella also attended her first funeral - my grandfather, Jeda, the week before Christmas.

She has been asking question after question about what happens when we die and why we get baptized, and every question you can think of that stems from those two questions.  We've had really good conversations over the past couple of months, and I've seen the wheels in her head spinning.  And ever since she saw her friend, Reagan, get baptized, she's talked about it a lot.  I've always ended our conversations with "Bella, when you decide to follow Jesus, you let me know.  Then, you'll be able to get baptized."  She usually just says "ok, mommy" and that's the end of it.  Yesterday, we had another conversation. 

Bella: "Mommy, I'm not scared to go under water anymore, so I can get baptized."

me: "Well, Bella...it's more than just not being scared of the water.  Why do we get baptized?"

Bella: "Because we decide to follow Jesus."

me: "Yes, that's right.  so when you decide to follow Jesus, you can get baptized."

Bella: "But mommy, I have decided to follow Jesus." 

me: "Really?  when did you decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "One day, I just decided to follow Jesus."

me: "Bella, do you know what it means to decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "It means that I can live with him in Heaven after I die."

me: "yes, but there's more to it than that.  What did Jesus do?"

she looks at me, confused...

"what did Jesus do on the cross?"

Bella: "He died."

me: "why did he die on the cross?"

Bella: "so that I can live with him in heaven."

me: "yes... but again, there's more to it than that.  Jesus took all of our sin.  do you understand what sin is?"

again...a blank stare.

"remember?  when we don't listen and obey what God wants us to do - that's sin?"

Bella: nods her head "like when I don't listen and obey mommy and daddy."

me: "that's right, because God says 'Children..."

Bella: "...obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right.  so when we don't obey, we are sinning.  Well, Jesus...he took all the times that we don't listen and obey - all the bad things that we do - all the times we are mean to our brother - all of that.  If Jesus didn't die on the cross and take our sin, we would have to go to a very bad place when we die, called hell, and we wouldn't be with Jesus.  But Jesus took all of our sin.  It's because of him taking our sin that we can be with him in heaven when we die."

Bella: "yeah!  that's right!"

me: "so when we decide to follow Jesus, we believe that Jesus is the son of God, and that he died on the cross for our sins.  Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?"

Bella: "yes!"

me: "do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and took away your sin so you could live with him in heaven?"

Bella: "yes, and now I can get baptized!"

me: "well, Bella, I want you to understand something else..."

Bella: "what?"

me:  "when we decide to follow Jesus, it isn't just knowing that he is God's son, and knowing that he died on the cross for us...it's also deciding every day to follow Jesus.  That means, choosing to listen and obey Jesus as much as we can all the time.  It's not about just going to heaven - it's about obeying - about living for Jesus every day."

Bella: "oh."

me: "are you going to try to obey Jesus the best you can?"

Bella: "yes."

me: "that means listening and obeying mommy and daddy..."

Bella: "...because this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right, Bella."

Bella: "so, can I get baptized?"

me:  "I'm not sure yet, Bella, I want to keep talking to you about it, so that I know that you really understand what baptism is.  When mommy and daddy think you're ready, then you can get baptized."

Bella: "ok."

I know that it's entirely possible for a 3-yr-old to be saved.  I know this because a couple of my friends were saved very young - about the same age - and remember everything about their salvation.  So why am I so skeptical about my daughter coming to know the Lord?  Is it her lack of obedience?  Although, her obedience has actually improved the past couple of weeks...

I wonder if maybe it has to do with how I came to know the Lord.  Jesus became real to me the summer in between my 9th and 10th grade year - it was a year after I had experienced the worst tragedy of my life, and I had gone through a year of dark nothingness.  When I came to know the Lord, it was because I heard an almost audible voice say "if you keep going the way you're going, you're going to die."  I was desperate.  I had one of two choices - die, or change my life drastically.  I decided to follow Jesus instead.  I couldn't keep going on the way I was going - I was dying inside because of hurt, and I was doing everything I could to fill that empty, dark, void.  And my salvation wasn't just about being "saved" from hell, it was about me deciding to live my life for the Lord - He became the Lord of my Life at the same time.

It's hard for me to imagine someone coming to know the Lord through simple, childlike faith.  To me, it's the most difficult, yet most important thing that happened in my life, and in no way was it because of a simple, childlike faith.  I think I doubt Bella's decision to follow Jesus because she is so young, and she has such a simple faith.  She sings her heart out - her own words - to Jesus, all the time.  Her words may not be theologically correct, or flow beautifully, but she is always singing her heart out.  She is always talking about the Lord.  She's started saying her own prayers, and she has prayed for me on various occasions, with immediate outcomes at times (like a headache going away, etc.).

Could it be possible that my Bella really does get this whole Jesus thing - that she has decided to follow him, for real?

It's so very difficult for me to grasp.  Even though I have prayed for her to come to a saving knowledge of who Jesus is at a young age since before she was born, I still doubt.

I guess I need to look to Bella as an example of childlike faith - and trust that God really is answering the prayers that I have prayed over her and for her.  Lord I believe!  Help me in my unbelief!