Yummy Vegan (and oil-free!) Chocolate Chip Cookies

So I've tried a couple of recipes from Vegan cookbooks for Chocolate Chip Cookies, and well, to be honest, they were gross.  I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I adapted the super-amazing Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe I had from my friend, Lori, to cater to our new no eggs, no oil diet.
Neil tasted these, and I was saying something about the texture being slightly different, but Neil's words were "Why are you critiquing these??  These are GOOD!"
Considering my husband's history with ingredient #1, that says a lot!
This recipe is oil, butter, and egg-free.  Even soy-free, so long as the chocolate chips don't have soy.  Cholesterol FREE.  only about 2 g. fat, 100 cal.(from sugars, flour, and beans), 2g. fiber, 2g. protein, and 8.9mg sodium per cookie.
Did I mention that they were yummy?  mmm...whole food, plant-based goodness...

makes about 3 dozen cookies.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup canned butter beans, drained, but not rinsed *
1/4 cup natural (unsweetened) applesauce
3 tsp. ener-G egg replacer**
4 Tbsp. warm water
1 cup raw Turbinado sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
4 tsp. vanilla
2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
11/2 - 2 cups vegan chocolate chips+

In a blender, mix the beans, applesauce, egg replacer, water, sugars, and vanilla.  Beat until smooth.
Transfer to a mixing bowl.  Stir in the flour, salt, baking soda, and chocolate chips.
Drop spoonfuls onto a baking sheet, and bake at 350 degrees for 9-10 min.

Enjoy!!
(see notes below!)

* any white beans can be used for this recipe.  Butter, white kidney(cannellini), navy beans, great northern, etc.  I like to use the Edens Organic, because they don't have added salt, so it's only like 15mg/serving!
** ener-G is usually found in the gluten-free section of stores.  It's a powder that comes in a yellow-ish box, mostly made out of potato starch, and it really does replicate the rising action of eggs.  If you have a Whole Foods, they have it.  It may be more difficult to find in other stores, but check health food stores and there are also TONS of places that sell it online! The water listed in the ingredients is all the water you need, DON'T ADD MORE thinking you need it for the egg replacement!
+ check the ingredients!!  No dairy or animal proteins = vegan.  most semi-sweet chips have refined sugar, but I was able to find some that were sweetened with malted barley instead of refined sugar in the bulk section of our grocery store.

Learning to Dance

"What does it mean to be saved?
Isn't more than just a prayer to pray,
more than just a way to Heaven?
What does it mean to be His,
to be formed in his likeness,
to know that we have a purpose?
To be salt and light in the world, to the world
To be salt and light in the world.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so..."


Driving down Hwy 377 from Ft. Worth to our home in Granbury, the kids and I were listening to this song (by Israel Houghton) and singing along...they wanted to sing it over and over and over...
Bella was shouting it out at the top of her lungs:

"I am redeemed, I am redeemed...."

My heart begins to burst as I think about what God is going to do in the hearts of my children.
Then I get overwhelmed with Joy and Humbled by the fact that He has called me - ME - to disciple my children and raise them up to be the men and women that God has called them to be.

I let that sink in a little...

How in the world is that possible?
I have been given the greatest mission in the entire world - to raise up an army for the Lord.
It is a huge responsibility.  Showing Jesus to them every day in such a way that they long to know the Lord - to be one of the Redeemed of the Lord.  Teaching them to be salt and light to the world.
This doesn't happen by going to church, dropping them off at the nursery or their respective classes, and expecting them to be taught the Word of God.
It happens at home.  It happens at the grocery store.  It happens at the park.  It happens when we're together at other's houses.  It happens in vans driving down the highway.
It happens when they mess up.  It happens when they do something worthy of praise.  It happens in all of those moments in between.
It happens every possible moment of every day.
That's Discipleship.

After all, that's what Jesus did.  The disciples went with him everywhere He went.  They witnessed how he cared for others and served others, how he depended on the Father, trusted the Father, submitted to the Father's will, and sacrificed.  How he forgave.  How he taught God's Word.  Jesus used everyday interactions and everyday illustrations to show these 12 men who God was...and who HE was.  I'm planning on studying more about this for the summer - How Jesus taught the 12.  Perhaps that will give me a better idea on how I am to teach the 3 that have been put under my care.

Yes, I'm prepared for my toes to be stepped all over.

But God gives us wisdom when we ask.

Then, the beautiful thing is that as we come to know Him more, His desires become our desires, and our desires transform into His desires as we continue in this wonderful dance with the Lord.

My dance with the Lord is where teaching my children begins.  I learn the steps, then I teach it to them.  I learn the rhythm and I teach them the rhythm.  I learn how to follow His lead, and I teach them how to follow His lead. I do this until they come to the place of knowing the Savior.  They spend time dancing with Him on their own.  They learn their own special steps and their own special rhythm to their own special dance with Him.  Then after learning the steps, following His lead, and flowing with the rhythm, they come to know him more everyday, until they know Him so intimately that they are able to let go, and get lost in His eyes, as the world around them fades away.

When we are lost in His eyes, the things of the world don't matter.
When we are lost in His eyes, anything can happen.
When we are lost in His eyes, He can use us wherever we are to do things we never thought possible.
We just have to learn to dance.

Transformation

I'm not really sure where to begin this post.  We'll see what comes of it...

I am so beyond overflowing.  I don't even know where to begin.
God has been bringing me through this incredible process of pruning.  Yes, you read that right.  Incredible.  There is something extremely hard, yet extremely incredible about being spiritually knocked over, falling on to your hands and knees, being paralyzed and unable to get up, and yet, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you do.  But it isn't by standing...it's by getting lower, and lower, and lower...until you're laying prostrate in the Holy Presence of the Living God.

I've shared my struggles over the past couple of years...
The battle with PPD.
Waking up one day and realizing that I wasn't displaying ANY of the fruit of the Spirit.
The Holy Spirit showing me that I needed to forgive myself...

Then, about a month ago, I suppose he thought I was ready for more.

I've been studying the Acts of the Apostles.  The Book of Acts.  Almost ALL of the Epistles.  There is something amazing about seeing these men handle trials.  There is something amazing about actually understanding how you could possibly find joy in the midst of trials - however large OR small.

I'm realizing now that a trial isn't simply persecution.  It isn't always an attack of the enemy either.  Sometimes a trial is simply something that God allows to happen so that He can use it to build character in us.  That could be as big as a battle with cancer, or the loss of a loved one...or it could be as small as walking into a child's room that looks like it just got hit by a hurricane, or a child that throws a fit when they don't get their way...
The important thing is how we react.

Do we face that trial head-on, persevere, show self-control, and look MORE like Christ on the other side?
Or do we get selfish, throw our own fit, get angry, bitter, resentful, and look LESS like Christ when it is all said and done?

The Holy Spirit revealed to me that although the trial of PPD didn't originate with Him, He intended to use it for His purposes.  He intended to use it to build character in me.
The reason I woke up one day and realized that I had no fruit was because I didn't persevere.  Yes, I was falling on my face before the Lord, but instead of seeing the joy in the trail, I was coming to Him asking "Why?" and asking Him to take it away.  In the meantime, I was NOT getting into God's Word.  I was simply in "survival mode".  But instead of depending on God's Spirit to get me through - asking for guidance in each and every temptation that I faced - I tried to do it on my own.
I don't even think that I realized that I was shutting God out.  I was so emotionally distressed - stressed out - and feeling like I was quite literally, going crazy.
So instead of persevering and looking MORE like Christ on the other side, I looked LESS like Christ.
Instead of having MORE love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, I had less, if any at all.

Yes, forgiving myself was a necessary step.  I had to forgive myself so I could let go of the bitterness.  So that I didn't have unforgiveness separating me from God.  That was vital.
But once God dealt with me about that, He brought the full weight to my attention.
I. had. failed.   miserably.

But the amazing thing about God is that He brings me to these places so that I am able to draw near to Him. He has repentance in mind.
And when we have a heart of repentance, He is right there with us, carrying us the rest of the way, to where He wants us to be.
What's even more amazing to me is the fact that God KNEW that I would blow it.  He KNEW I would blow it, but He still allowed me to go through it.
Why?  Because he loves me so stinkin' much.
Because He knew that I needed some pruning.
He knew that there was a weak link, and whatever he has planned for me in the future - he knew that I wouldn't survive it if I wasn't first pruned.
Do you see just HOW BIG and HOW AWESOME my God is?
He had to tear down my house.
He had to tear me down to the point that all that was left was the Foundation.
He had to go so far as to mend the very Foundation on which I stand...so that He can make me strong.  So that the building that stands on top of the foundation will not crumble or melt when put through the testing of fire.
Instead, he wants that Foundation to be so strong - and the building to be so strong - that I will be able to stand firm - no matter what test, attack, or trial comes my way.
Yes, He is Amazing.
Oh, how He loves me.

God's ways are perfect.
We may not see it at the beginning.  We may want to give up.  We may fail miserably.  But My God is a God of restoration and Hope.  We are NEVER too far out of His reach.
Oh, how He loves us!  Oh, How he loves YOU!

And God's will has been done.  I came to the amazing place of repentance, and God met me there.
He has exchanged so many unfruitful things in my life with fruit of the Spirit.
I am relying on Him more and more every day.
I see the "little trials" as opportunities to choose Love.  To choose obedience.  To choose self-control.  I am by no means perfect, and I know that I will NEVER reach perfection.
But I see God's hand working, and it is amazing.
I celebrate amazing victories that to others may seem trivial.
For me, it is only by the hand of God that I am able to be awakened in the middle of the night by a toddler who will not stop crying...which turns into throwing a fit...and then an all-out tantrum...
and not yell, raise my voice, or even use irritation in my voice...for 30 minutes.  Only by God's Grace and the power of the Holy Spirit can I instead show patience, gentleness, and low, hushed tones of voice and singing to soothe.
Only by the Grace of God.
That was my first HUGE victory.  The first sign of transformation.
To others, it may seem trivial, but to me, it was a breath of fresh air - and proof of God's Spirit moving in my life.

As the days go on, and I continue to get into God's Word - and continue to seek God's help EVERY step of the way - I am seeing victory.  I am feeling more like myself - and seeing a picture of myself that I have NEVER seen before.
I might be able to "change" some things about my life, but real Transformation happens only by the power of the Holy Spirit.
And I'm seeing it happen.

Now, I'm at this place of just utter amazement.  God is teaching me so much in such a short amount of time, and I am just falling in love with my savior more and more every day that I live.
And every day that I live, I want to live less and less for me - and only for His Glory!

The past couple of years God has been preparing me for this place that I'm at now.
And now, as scary as it is to write this, I have surrendered it all, and I am ready for God to rip my life apart for His Glory.
The more I read His Word, the more it messes me up anyway.
It messes me up, because as I dig deeper, I see just how Holy God is.
How he could love me, is beyond me.
And yet he does.
By Grace we have been saved.  But that Grace was not cheap.  It took the very life of His son.  And now, God asks me for my everything.  My very life.  To live for him rather than myself.  To glorify Him rather than myself.
I am willing.
Lord, Help me!

God gave me a song about 2 weeks ago.  It is the song that I sing when I wake up - asking the Holy Spirit to fill me up.  I hope you are able to worship with this song as much as I do :)

This is a really rough recording.  You'll hear little voices in the background - hope you don't mind :)  Oh, and it takes a couple of seconds for it to start, so be patient, and Enjoy!

Come into this house
come and dwell in me
fill me up
overflowing with your love
Holy Spirit, live in me

Take my life and make a change
but not in ways that I can claim
Transform me in ways
only possible through Grace
so the world can give you Praise!

What WE are Reading Now: Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons

                                 

Yes...another book...

With Bella, our quest to beginning to read started with learning the ABCs.
Then, it became letter recognition of capital letters.
Then, recognition of lower-case letters.
Then, correlating those letters with the sounds that they made.
From there, we would put some letters together (like c, a, and t) and she would sound out each letter and make the word.
Once she was able to sound out the letters, and put them together, and understand what word she was sounding out (that c, a, and t actually made the word cat), we started doing a lot more of this.

That was all a year ago.
since then, we decided to go with a K curriculum that was just way too easy for her.  So we started supplementing with a K reading and phonics workbook...and she just wasn't ready to sit still and work that long.
She hated it, quite honestly.  It wasn't that she was incapable of doing the work, I just think it didn't fit into Bella's learning style.
Before, when I was just going with the flow, doing my own thing - she did great because it was really interactive, which fit into not only her learning style, but also her ability to pay attention (her age).

I think really it boils down to me not seeing that her academic level was advanced, but her social skills were perfect for her age group.  I was pushing her academically, and wasn't seeing that I was at the same time pushing her beyond her capabilities of social-skills.  sitting and working on a workbook for an hour every day was just too much for her.

So why did I get it in the first place?  I wanted to teach her phonics rules, and well, I didn't even know them.

I heard about Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons from 2 of my friends, and it is also a recommended homeschooling resource by the Duggars :)

When I got it, I looked over the introduction, and the teaching method just made sense.  It wasn't the easing into reading by starting with short vowels and then adding all the other rules...and even then, there are so many irregular words in the English language that I was just so confused on how to teach them...
This covers it all.
No, it doesn't teach the specific phonics rules, so I think I will teach those on top of this, using the workbook that we have.
I just like this teaching method better.  It covers all the irregular sounds, blended sounds...you name it.
We're definitely going to be doing some review, but I don't see anything wrong with that, because even in the first week, we'll be incorporating new stuff as well (learning about long e in the word "me").

Today we did our first lesson, and just for kicks I had Balian join us.  He was all about it and he did really well.  So, I think it may be all 3 of us doing it together, which could be pretty fun - and then Balian isn't left out.  We'll see how much Balian can handle at this point.  I'm not going to push it, but if he's interested, great!  He already knows all of his letters and letter sounds by recognition, so really, the next step is reading...it's just a matter of when.

Supposedly in 100 easy lessons, the child can read at a second grade reading level.  By lesson 53 they are reading full paragraphs.  It's pretty crazy.
I'll keep you posted on our progress as time goes on :)

What I'm Reading Now: Educating the Wholehearted Child

                  

So here's a really random story:
I was grocery shopping.  Isaiah was on my back, and the other two littles were in the basket.  *I hardly ever go grocery shopping with all the little ones with me.  I usually go grocery shopping on Friday mornings, when Neil is home, because well, especially these days, grocery shopping is a pretty big job...
So, I'm at the grocery store on a Tuesday morning with all 3 children.
Out of nowhere, this girl about my age comes up to me and asks
"Hey, did you sing at the Aarron Gomas (benefit concert) thing?"
I had, in fact, sung at the benefit concert with our praise team.  But our conversation didn't end there.  She then starts asking if I home-schooled.  I'm sure by looking at my very tall daughter in the cart, and being a Tuesday morning, it was probably a safe assumption.  But most people don't just look at your kids and assume all of a sudden that you home-school.
We got to talking and she also has 3 children, kind of around the same age as ours.  They home school as well.
As we continue talking I know that this was no accident. It was a divine appointment that only God could have orchestrated.

Really, I was at a point of just needing wisdom and encouragement with homeschooling.  I didn't know what we were going to do with Bella next year for school...and well...we really need to decide now.  I was super stressed out about it.
Should we do Kindergarten or First grade?
Should we get her tested?
Should we do full home school, or should we do the university model homeschooling (going to a "private school" 2-3 days a week for 4-5 hours those days, and doing work at home as well)?
Is it possible to do full homeschooling at home with 2 small boys?
If we school at home full-time, where do I even begin with a curriculum?  We've tried so many, it seems, and haven't really liked any of them.

The reason I was burdened was just because I really feel like God has shown me through his Word what I need to be doing.  I feel like I should have Bella home full-time.  I just kept looking at the obstacles.  In my flesh, I wanted to give in.  I wanted to send her away for a couple of hours a week, so I could "make sure to get one-on-one time with the boys", and possibly get a little bit of a "break".  But really, those were just excuses.  In reality, I wanted to give in so that somebody else could choose the curriculum for me, and just tell me what I needed to do.
Pretty much I was giving in because it just seemed too hard.
I wanted to be spoon-fed instead of relying on the Spirit of God and His Strength and Wisdom for our family.

But all the while, the Holy Spirit has been tugging at me.  Reminding me why we chose home school in the first-place:  So that Neil and I could be the most prominent influence in our children's lives.  So that we could instill the Word of God into every part of our children's lives as God's Word grows and is taking over every part of our lives.  And doing that in an environment where we aren't competing with the value system of the world day in and day out.

Back to my story.  So this girl I met at the grocery store, after our conversation, finds me on Facebook, and sends me a wealth of information that she had found.  I told her I just felt overwhelmed.
Then she sent me this book recommendation.  I had no idea what it really was, but got it anyway.

I'm so glad that I did.
I feel like I'm reading a Bible study specifically made for home educators.  Encouragement.  Scripture references everywhere.
But really, what I love is that they get to the heart of homeschooling.

"Your overriding goal should be to raise spiritually mature children who have both the will and the skill to learn and the desire and ability to keep learning...to raise well-rounded, spiritually grounded, truth-founded Christian children whose goal in life is to make a difference for the kingdom of God, whatever life path they choose."

They talk about how "home school" is just an extension of nurturing and discipling your children in your home.  It all fits together in a beautiful, God-intended way.
And that is where my heart has been led.  And that's why I've been stressed-out.  Because even with present-day homeschooling, so much of it looks so similar to what they would receive in a classroom.  Curricula coming out of your ears.  Too many options.  Stressing about if I'll do a good enough job in teaching them.
The problem is that I was still looking to the standards, philosophies, and thinking of the world.
My standard should be higher.
There isn't really a lot of mentioning of education in scripture.  But we know that Jewish boys were sent to synagogue school - and had to memorize the entire Torah!  They memorized it so that they could then dig deeper into God's word and apply it...and for those who were so gifted - teach it.
But we also can see how much was taught in the home.  Just simply looking at Deuteronomy 6 shows how God wants us to teach our children - in everything we do - day in and day out - no matter where we are or what we are doing.

"The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and hen you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."     Deuteronomy 6:4-9 

And that's what I long to do.

I am, by no stretch of the imagination, there yet.
Honestly, right now, I'm still seeking wisdom on what specifically to do for school next year.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
God is showing me so much in such a small amount of time on how he wants me to disciple my children.
That it is a mission field.
That it is a sacrifice.
It takes dying to self in every area of my life, because I am to be an example of Christ to them.
It's dying to self, taking up my cross, and following Christ the same way I would if God called me to minister to anyone outside of my family.
It doesn't mean I'm perfect, and lack of perfection is that much more of an opportunity to share Christ with my children.  To humble myself yet again, and ask for forgiveness.

So it's like I've had this big-picture idea of what God wants for us, but I've had no idea how to get there.
Seems like this book is a great start.
And I never would have known about it without the help of my new friend I met at the grocery store :)

"My God shall supply all your need." Philippians 4:19

Word for Word

Balian and I were lying on the couch together.

Me: "Balian, are you my cuddle-bug?"

Balian: "I'm not a cuddle-bug.  I'm just Balian Jones."

:)