A Break

Taking a much-needed break from the blog and Facebook for a while...

sorry :(

There are much better ways to use my time.

"Good, better, best.
Never let it rest
until your good is better and your better is best."

Fruit of the Spirit?

Have you ever looked back and reminisced about an earlier time in your life when you felt more holy?  I find myself doing that a lot.  I look back at my days in college.  I think "Now that's what living for Jesus looks like!"  I think about being on leadership team at the Wesley Foundation.  I think about doing spontaneous worship at the park, meeting with my accountability girls, going to small group, studying God's Word, doing servant evangelism, and not being shy about meeting new people and talking to them about the Lord.  I was in a place where I was ready to drop everything for the purpose of spreading the Gospel.  My senior year I was seriously looking into doing a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) and just going wherever the Lord lead me from there.  I was sold out.
Then, I wake up to my life today.  I've been married for a little over 5 years, and I'm a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids all 4years and under.  I wake up to the sound of little ones squealing and playing, so I stomp into their room and say "Don't you realize that your brother is still sleeping?  quiet down!"    My famous words are "stop that!  be nice!  say you're sorry.  come here.  go to time out.  what are you doing?  no hit.  no kick."  and my activities include cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, changing diapers, nursing the baby, grocery shopping, disciplining, teaching school, and the like.
What happened to being on fire for God?

I have a problem.  It's called selfishness.

When I look back at my life in college, for some reason, I forget to look at the fact that I was the one and only person that I was responsible for... and the selfish person inside of me thinks that means that life was better.  easier.  and I could do a heck of a lot more for the Kingdom.

Oh, I've seen those women - some of them my friends - that seem to "get" this whole motherhood thing.  They honestly see the joy in raising their kids - are never bitter, harsh, or resentful - and have such peace about simply being a stay-at-home mom and nothing more at the moment - because their children are their mission field.
Oh, that I was that person!  Instead, I have to admit that I have been the opposite.  frustrated.  resentful.  bitter.  wishing for something "better".  I've had this almost constant headache and backache that I feel when I'm stressed out.  my attitude stinks.  I keep thinking of what I can do outside of my home to serve the Lord.  Who can I serve?  What can I do? And I keep thinking that I'm lacking purpose.  If only I had some grand purpose for the Kingdom, then maybe I could stop feeling so frustrated.  Maybe I could actually pour out what has been coming in, so that I can stop going stale.

Then one day it started hitting me.  I was thinking about the Fruit of the Spirit.

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Then I started thinking....
I tell my children that we should love one another...but am I good about showing THEM love?  In the way they feel loved?
I ask Bella to obey in a happy way, but am I cheerfully serving them today?
Am I at peace with where I am right now?
I tell Bella and Balian to be patient for this or that, but am I patient with them...or do I tell them to hurry up and do, well...everything?
I tell them to be kind, but am I an example of kindness or do I snap at them for little things?
I tell them that they need to obey mommy and daddy so that they can learn to obey God, but am I being obedient to what God has told me to do?
I tell Bella and Balian to be gentle with each other and with Isaiah...but am I gentle with them?
When Balian throws fits, I ask him to show me self-control...but do I show self-control when I don't get MY way?

I know that I am human, and I won't ever be perfect.  But this is selfishness, pure and simple.  I'm selfish with my thoughts, words, and deeds.  I want to do what I want to do, and if somebody tries to change my agenda, it's not going to be pretty.
But what I've realized is that it all boils down to not understanding and living within my calling.  Rather than living like my children are a Blessing, I have lived as if they are a burden.  Not that I would ever say that if you asked me, but my actions have proven otherwise.

What I'm starting to really grasp, is just how intentionally God put me where I am.  Because, you see, He didn't give me his blessing to go on and do YWAM.  Instead, he helped me to realize that this incredible guy that had been my friend for over 3 years was the man he wanted me to marry.  And he Blessed us with 3 beautiful children that He is trusting us to teach about His ways.  Instead of traveling around leading worship, He opened the doors for me to lead worship wherever I have lived...Louisiana, New York, Connecticut, Georgia/Florida, Texas...with my family.  And He has shown me that unless I am content with and faithful to do what He has called me to do at home, then I won't be content and faithful anywhere else either.
I forget exactly what Elizabeth Elliott said regarding this but it went something like this...If you're asking God for the next thing...how you should serve him, and you aren't getting an answer...then just do what you already know to do - the best you can do it, for His Glory.

So perhaps the reason I've been so discontented and frustrated is that I've been grieving the Holy Spirit - because I haven't been the missionary He called me to be.  Perhaps instead of looking outward at what I could do for the Lord, I should simply be looking inward - making sure that my heart is where it needs to be to serve the Lord with gladness everyday I roll out of my bed and enter into my mission field of little ones.  How's my attitude?  Am I displaying the Fruit of the Spirit?  Am I presenting the Gospel today with my actions?  Am I serving cheerfully?  Would he say "well done, good and faithful servant?"

My hope, and my prayer, is simply to remember that I need the Holy Spirit's help in every way imaginable in this mission field every day.  To not take this task lightly.  And to see that I have been Blessed with the opportunity to share the gospel everyday with these little ones that are so dear to the Father.

Lacing Beads

This is really good for learning hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.  Balian will lace a couple of the beads on the shoelace (and get really excited about doing them all by himself), then he'll give up and start stacking them on the carpet.

Rain

After 42 days or so strait of over 100-degree weather and no rain, we were finally Blessed with a pretty good rainfall (1.5 inches) this weekend!! (As you can see - our grass needed it...)

And of course, Bella had to put on all of her rain get-up and head outside to play, just because she could! :)

Isaiah - 5 months

So I was so late posting Isaiah's 4 month post that now it seems it's way too soon to be doing a 5 month post.  Or maybe it's just time getting away from me in general...

I really can't believe Isaiah is already 5 months.  It seems that time really is escaping me, and I'm not too happy about it :(

Right now, it's actually pretty hard to find Isaiah on his tummy.  He usually rolls over in about 2 seconds after I put him down.  Yes, he's been rolling for like 4 months now, but he just keeps getting faster.  Now, he seems to be working on rolling onto his tummy from his back (but only for a toy...not so fond of the tummy time...).  

Yup, that's more like it.  We see this all the time...

Isaiah definitely takes in all of his surroundings.  He loves to watch his brother and sister play and interact.  He  loves it so much that they will distract him from eating - and he'll crane his neck or almost do a back-bend just to see what's going on behind him!  Looks like we may have yet another social butterfly...or people-watcher...we'll see...

Isaiah's Rule #1:  Put all hands, feet, and other objects into your mouth.

Yes, everything finds its way into the mouth these days - he reaches and grabs whatever he can get.  Yet another thing to distract him while eating.  He'll grab my nose, my hair, my shirt, (I can't wear any earrings but studs), whatever he can grab while he's eating.  If he's not eating, something is always in his mouth.  If it isn't a toy, it's his fingers, or the burp cloth...  And he's really working on getting those feet.  He was able to get one last night, and was trying to get it into his mouth, but I guess he'll just have to keep working on it. 

 It's hard to say whether all this reaching and grabbing is the cause for eyeing everything that I eat, or if he's trying to tell me that he wants some of that too.  Right now, he's satisfied with just milk.  I'm not really sure how much weight he should be gaining on average right now, but he's only gained about half a pound in the past month.  I know they start to slow down on weight gain at some point...and I just can't go by the other two kids at all right now because everything is so different with Isaiah.  He's doubled his birth weight, and I know that's a good sign, just not sure what I should be looking for now.

Sleep-wise, we had some issues with naps last week.  It was taking me 1-1.5 hours just to get him to go down for a nap, when before we had a good routine and had NO problems at all!  Turns out homeboy started swallowing a lot of air again and was just having an insane amount of burps in his belly that were not making him happy...so he wouldn't go to sleep.  I'm sure I wouldn't want to either!  Then, by the time we got them all out, he was so overtired that it took forever to get him down.  So now, I'm back where I was before as far as burping him a LOT, but at least they are coming out eventually. So long as I start the "wind-down" process a little earlier (so I can work on getting all those burps out), he'll settle down to sleep without a hitch.  And that makes for a much happier baby!  

I must say that I just absolutely adore this little guy!  He is truly a big bundle of joy, and I cannot imagine life without his smiling face!  Thank you, Lord, that your ways are better than mine!  Thank you for the joy you have given us through Isaiah!

School Time

I know it's still summer, but we've been "Back to School" for about 2 weeks now.  We took a couple of months off while Isaiah was really little, but now that we've settled into a pretty good routine with him, school is back in session!

Balian does "circle time" with Bella and I.  He sits on the carpet (on his circle or star...which he loves to show me where they are on the carpet) while we do days of the week, months of the year, today's date, counting, memory verses, a Bible story, and other stuff.  Even though he can't say the days of the week, he can hum along to the song.  He wants to count, but so far only says number 2.  Bella did the same thing...so no biggy.  He also sings the tune of the ABC song, but isn't saying the letters yet. It'll come in time.  That's why we do lots of repetition.

With Balian, I pretty much just let him do whatever at this point.  If he wants to take part in circle time, great.  If he gets distracted or wants to do something else, that's fine too.  I don't expect him to sit still and pay attention at this point - that's just not possible.  Right now, for him, play is much more important.  And if he learns something in the midst of play - that's even better :)

Here's what Bella did this week:

Bella put her numbers (1-10) in order

or...not so correct...I think #3 has 2 counters
and #8 has like 18. o well.

then, she put the correct number of "counters" under each number

I started introducing her to the basic concepts of addition, using the same counters...which she looked at me like "duh mom...2 and 2 is 4 - see...1, 2, 3, 4"...so apparently we need to step it up a bit, or I need to figure out a better way of teaching.

She practiced writing her capital letters A, B, C, D, and E

We worked on learning the sight words: the, is, a, & and...as well as words with the "short a" sound.

AND...Bella officially read through her first Phonics Reader!!  Woohoo!




Our memory verse for the week:
"Serve the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs" Psalm 100:2

Our Bible time:
God Creating the heavens and the earth.  Genesis 1.

I'm working on a lot right now to get our "school room" ready.  More to come on that...