It's been about a year.
A year of bringing darkness to the light.
A year of mist and cloud.
A year of seeing God in the midst of it.
A year of questioning why, then realizing that the answer doesn't really matter.
A year of failures, so I can see God's Grace.
A year of inability, so I can see that He is able.
A year of frustration, so I can see that my own striving gets me nowhere.
A year of learning to embrace God's will for me- whatever that is, however different that may look from where I thought I would be- and seeing that His Will is always Good.
A year of beginning to understand, not just on a surface level, but deep down to the very depths of my soul, that God loves me.
A year of beginning the journey to embracing His love and acceptance above all others.
A year of trial. Of doubt. Of struggle. Of (almost) despair.
A year of Fighting.
Fighting to rejoice. Fighting to Hope. Fighting to have gratitude.
Fighting insomnia. Fighting the tidal waves of anxious thoughts.
Fighting the enemy who has waged war against my soul.
A year of trying so hard to "fix it", then realizing that all I have is Christ.
A year of wanting what was, then realizing I would never want to go back.
A year of going from living based on what is seen, in my circumstances,
to living based on what is unseen - what God is doing in the midst of my circumstances.
A year of learning to count it Joy.
A year of healing from the inside out.
A year of learning that Jesus is better.
Better than health. Better than my hopes, or dreams, or plans.
A year of learning to begin to Trust.
To trust that Jesus is better.
The walls are beginning to crumble.
But they haven't fallen yet.
I know that my God will supply all I need - Himself.
I know that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.
He who has promised is Faithful.
