Bella's Questions

My pretty girl posing like mommy for a picture...

Ok, so today is a much more serious note.
Is it possible for a 3-yr-old to really understand Salvation and accept that gift so young?

A couple of months ago, Bella witnessed her first baptism.  It was entirely intentional.  I wanted her to see what a baptism was, so that she would ask questions...and the questions came like an avalanche!

Add to this, that Bella also attended her first funeral - my grandfather, Jeda, the week before Christmas.

She has been asking question after question about what happens when we die and why we get baptized, and every question you can think of that stems from those two questions.  We've had really good conversations over the past couple of months, and I've seen the wheels in her head spinning.  And ever since she saw her friend, Reagan, get baptized, she's talked about it a lot.  I've always ended our conversations with "Bella, when you decide to follow Jesus, you let me know.  Then, you'll be able to get baptized."  She usually just says "ok, mommy" and that's the end of it.  Yesterday, we had another conversation. 

Bella: "Mommy, I'm not scared to go under water anymore, so I can get baptized."

me: "Well, Bella...it's more than just not being scared of the water.  Why do we get baptized?"

Bella: "Because we decide to follow Jesus."

me: "Yes, that's right.  so when you decide to follow Jesus, you can get baptized."

Bella: "But mommy, I have decided to follow Jesus." 

me: "Really?  when did you decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "One day, I just decided to follow Jesus."

me: "Bella, do you know what it means to decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "It means that I can live with him in Heaven after I die."

me: "yes, but there's more to it than that.  What did Jesus do?"

she looks at me, confused...

"what did Jesus do on the cross?"

Bella: "He died."

me: "why did he die on the cross?"

Bella: "so that I can live with him in heaven."

me: "yes... but again, there's more to it than that.  Jesus took all of our sin.  do you understand what sin is?"

again...a blank stare.

"remember?  when we don't listen and obey what God wants us to do - that's sin?"

Bella: nods her head "like when I don't listen and obey mommy and daddy."

me: "that's right, because God says 'Children..."

Bella: "...obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right.  so when we don't obey, we are sinning.  Well, Jesus...he took all the times that we don't listen and obey - all the bad things that we do - all the times we are mean to our brother - all of that.  If Jesus didn't die on the cross and take our sin, we would have to go to a very bad place when we die, called hell, and we wouldn't be with Jesus.  But Jesus took all of our sin.  It's because of him taking our sin that we can be with him in heaven when we die."

Bella: "yeah!  that's right!"

me: "so when we decide to follow Jesus, we believe that Jesus is the son of God, and that he died on the cross for our sins.  Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?"

Bella: "yes!"

me: "do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and took away your sin so you could live with him in heaven?"

Bella: "yes, and now I can get baptized!"

me: "well, Bella, I want you to understand something else..."

Bella: "what?"

me:  "when we decide to follow Jesus, it isn't just knowing that he is God's son, and knowing that he died on the cross for us...it's also deciding every day to follow Jesus.  That means, choosing to listen and obey Jesus as much as we can all the time.  It's not about just going to heaven - it's about obeying - about living for Jesus every day."

Bella: "oh."

me: "are you going to try to obey Jesus the best you can?"

Bella: "yes."

me: "that means listening and obeying mommy and daddy..."

Bella: "...because this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right, Bella."

Bella: "so, can I get baptized?"

me:  "I'm not sure yet, Bella, I want to keep talking to you about it, so that I know that you really understand what baptism is.  When mommy and daddy think you're ready, then you can get baptized."

Bella: "ok."

I know that it's entirely possible for a 3-yr-old to be saved.  I know this because a couple of my friends were saved very young - about the same age - and remember everything about their salvation.  So why am I so skeptical about my daughter coming to know the Lord?  Is it her lack of obedience?  Although, her obedience has actually improved the past couple of weeks...

I wonder if maybe it has to do with how I came to know the Lord.  Jesus became real to me the summer in between my 9th and 10th grade year - it was a year after I had experienced the worst tragedy of my life, and I had gone through a year of dark nothingness.  When I came to know the Lord, it was because I heard an almost audible voice say "if you keep going the way you're going, you're going to die."  I was desperate.  I had one of two choices - die, or change my life drastically.  I decided to follow Jesus instead.  I couldn't keep going on the way I was going - I was dying inside because of hurt, and I was doing everything I could to fill that empty, dark, void.  And my salvation wasn't just about being "saved" from hell, it was about me deciding to live my life for the Lord - He became the Lord of my Life at the same time.

It's hard for me to imagine someone coming to know the Lord through simple, childlike faith.  To me, it's the most difficult, yet most important thing that happened in my life, and in no way was it because of a simple, childlike faith.  I think I doubt Bella's decision to follow Jesus because she is so young, and she has such a simple faith.  She sings her heart out - her own words - to Jesus, all the time.  Her words may not be theologically correct, or flow beautifully, but she is always singing her heart out.  She is always talking about the Lord.  She's started saying her own prayers, and she has prayed for me on various occasions, with immediate outcomes at times (like a headache going away, etc.).

Could it be possible that my Bella really does get this whole Jesus thing - that she has decided to follow him, for real?

It's so very difficult for me to grasp.  Even though I have prayed for her to come to a saving knowledge of who Jesus is at a young age since before she was born, I still doubt.

I guess I need to look to Bella as an example of childlike faith - and trust that God really is answering the prayers that I have prayed over her and for her.  Lord I believe!  Help me in my unbelief!

Potty Update

I've had lots of people asking me how potty training is going with Balian...so here's the update!

* Right now we're averaging about 2 accidents/day (about 2 weeks ago it was more like 4) - but we've never had less than 1 per day.  Some days are better than others though.
* When he does have an accident, he pats where he's wet to tell me - very rare that he doesn't.
* Balian successfully does the "poop" sign - and sometimes uses it to tell us that he needs to go, other times, he'll just go to the potty to tell us he needs to go.
* We definitely still have a communication barrier, but it's getting better.  He does the sign for "all done" or says it when he's either finished going, or it I put him on the potty and he doesn't need to go.
* Most of the time, I ask him if he needs to go.  He'll tell me one way or another by either shaking his head no or saying "huh" for yes...and he's gotten to the point that he really does know one way or another.
* Most accidents occur if he's pre-occupied with something (playing) and doesn't stop what he's doing to go potty...even if I ask if he needs to go, and he's pre-occupied, he'll just ignore me - and if I try to take him anyway, he'll get really mad.  He just doesn't like being taken away from what he's doing.
* I think Balian actually does better when we're out (or even at other people's houses) than when we're at home...mainly because of the last statement.
* Because Balian has been cutting some molars, we've had some issues with not being able to hold runny poop...but Bella was the same way when she had runs.  I can't expect him to hold it then.  But when everything is working properly, we don't have problems with him regressing or anything, which is actually pretty amazing.
*we've figured out that if we give Balian water without anything to eat, about an hour later, he'll be having to go potty like every 10 minutes...but if we only give him water with something to eat, we usually don't have a problem with that, and he'll stick to 20-30 min. intervals.  When he hasn't just had water, he can go about an hour in between potty breaks now.
* Balian has started lamenting over his wet pants.  I take them off of him, he points to them, and starts doing this very sad whine-thing.  Even with diapers first thing in the morning and after nap, he's sad about wetness.  Makes me happy :)
* We've started using potty time for ABC flash cards.  Just going over all the letter sounds.  I started doing it because I just wanted to see what sounds he could actually say.  A week ago, I think he was only able to do like 6 of the letter sounds - no wonder he wasn't saying much - he couldn't even make the sounds!  But this week, he's been actually trying to repeat words and sounds...and we've noticed a huge difference in his vocabulary.  So we've gotten two great things: distraction during potty time, and improved vocabulary!  Not to mention, he may learn his letters and letter sounds even earlier than Bella - we'll see.

* oh, and we had to eliminate the use of M&Ms after about a week.  Apparently Balian is sensitive to chocolate - he wouldn't go to sleep until like 10pm because he was wired!  So, we went back to teddy grahams and/or animal crackers.  Although I've contemplated Reece's pieces, since they don't have any chocolate....but they still have so much sugar.  The good thing is that he's not going as often now as he was...we'll see how it goes.  Maybe it could be a reward for TELLING me he has to go instead of me just taking him...

Overall, I think things are going very well.  Apparently boys just take a lot longer than girls, and that's OK, so long as you prepare yourself for it.  I still think it's worth it to train early - even - or should I say especially - when they're boys.  I can't imagine doing this at 2 or 3 years old.  I can't imagine the resistance that I would face.  I'd rather it be a slow progression and a way of life than waiting a long time and feeling like I need to push them to train quickly, and getting stressed out if they didn't do what I expect of them.

My biggest concern with the new baby coming is not Balian regressing - but rather me causing him to regress by not sticking to what we've been doing.  I've heard from so many that they always have to go when you're nursing...I think I'll just have to start taking Balian before I sit down to nurse...and take him at the halfway point when I'm changing the baby's diaper too if I have to.  Or I may just have to adapt and figure out how to do both at the same time.  We'll see how it goes.  But honestly, I think I'd rather him regress a bit after laying the foundation than starting later.  Seems like it would be easier for him to pick back up to where we left off...I could be wrong, but again...we'll have to see how it goes.

34 weeks

I finally was able to make it to the midwife this morning.  After all of the ice and snow last week, my appointment kept getting postponed...so today was the day!

Everything looks good. 
* Blood Pressure is good, as always.
* Glucose and Protein levels were normal. 
* I gained a bit of weight (about 2 lbs.), so I've gained a total of 22 lbs. so far.
* It was confirmed that the baby has dropped.  However, she wasn't concerned about it.  She said that every pregnancy is different, and some women's babies drop earlier in subsequent pregnancies due to the body having "memory" - we'll see what happens.
* I checked out the Bradley Method book to go over as a refresher.  It hasn't been that long since Balian was born, but it's always nice to be prepared.
* I bought my bottle of the "5 week formula" and I'm supposed to start taking it next week.  Apparently another good thing about it is that it generally keeps women from going way over their due date.  Good to know - placental breakdown was one of my concerns, since they don't induce at all...so it helps me to feel better about that one :)
* I returned the circumcision video that I checked out last time, and we talked about what I thought about it.  It was definitely informative...We wish that we had all that information before Balian was born to make a more educated decision, but at the same time it brought about more questions for Neil and I.  The main one being this: If circumcision causes loss of sensitivity and a lower sex-drive in men, then how much more difficult is it for an uncircumcised man to deal with sexual temptation on a daily basis - especially before marriage?  If those sensitivities are heightened on a daily basis for an uncircumcised man, would we want to circumcise to "help a brotha out" (so to speak) during those years, or should we not circumcise so that he has more sensitivity and greater sex drive for the rest of his potentially married life?  It's a tough decision, and although we aren't Jewish, we would be willing to circumcise based on how it may affect a son's future relationship with the Lord.  On all the other aspects of circumcision - we're sold on that it isn't necessary - medically or otherwise - especially in the religious aspect.   Timothy wasn't circumcised, and Paul talks so much about how it's circumcision of the heart that matters.  This one's just the biggy for us.  Hopefully we'll have a girl so we don't have to worry about it :)

My next appointment will be here, at the house next Friday.  I have to have all of my home birth supplies together, so they know we have everything.  I bought all the stuff I needed the other day.  It was interesting to shop for Depends and protector pads from the adult diaper section of walmart - I got some interesting looks...

We're looking into buying a baby scale to help ease my mind a bit with breastfeeding this time around.  If I know that the baby is getting enough, then I'll be less stressed out about it - which will help all-around.  Has anyone used a baby scale at home before to measure how much the baby is getting?  The ones I've looked at are accurate up to either .5 oz or as little as .1 oz.  I know the Madela ones people rent from the hospital are accurate up to .1 oz, but I didn't know if that was REALLY necessary.  If anyone has had a good outcome with a particular scale, I'd appreciate some feedback :)

I've officially stopped running.  Since the baby has dropped, I'm having a lot more pressure and more Braxton-Hicks, so I figured I should stop.  It's hard though...part of me is like "do you really want to stop?"  The answer is no, but I know it's best for both me and the baby.  I'm excited that I did my last run at 32 weeks.  With Balian I was only able to run to 16 weeks, so I was able to go twice as long this time.  I can't complain about that!  It'll make it that much easier to get back up and going after the baby is born.

The baby room is all set-up!  I made good use of our "iced-in" days last week.  I'll post pictures soon...not that it's any different than it usually is...

Snow Day!!

So from Tuesday until Friday we were stuck in the house because of ice on the roads.  I don't drive on ice.  I've done snow before, but that was in New York, where snow plows go down every road and make it a lot safer...even when the roads weren't plowed (like after getting off work at 10:30 and having to drive on fresh snow) It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible.  Ice is different, and in Texas, we mainly get ice...so everything pretty much shuts down.

Luckily, Thursday night, we got a good amount (for Texas) of snow.  The deepest spots were about 5 inches...the least deep were about 3.  And because I wasn't worried about the kids busting their heads because of slipping, we were able to play outside!!  We all got bundled up and headed over to the side of the house with the most yard (and the big ditch...aka, the biggest hill) to play. 

I was really impressed with how well Balian did walking around in the snow...even up and down hill without too many falls overall.  He seemed to like it :)

We started with snow angels.  Here, Neil helping Bella make one:

This is our "family" of snow angels...everybody made one...wish I could have gotten a better angle...but this is the best I could get :(

Then, Neil got a cardboard box to try going down the hill...

It didn't work very well...we ended up pulling out an empty Rubbermaid container and putting the kids in it to slide down the hill, and it worked much better.  Too bad I put my camera up at that point, so I have no pictures :(

And here's the family...

We had fun, and it was so good to get some good fresh air and play!!

33 weeks

I don't know if you can tell in this picture, but Saturday night (the night before this picture was taken) the baby did some dropping.  I woke up Sunday morning, and immediately noticed a difference - my belly was just lower!  Ha.  This has never happened to me before!  Bella and Balian never dropped before active labor started - at all.  Not to say that the baby has totally dropped - I think there's more to be done - but everything about this pregnancy has been different.  Makes me wonder how much it has to do with God healing my bicornuate uterus.  Anyway, so about halfway through Sunday, I started having much more pressure and started having a lot of Braxton-Hicks.  I wasn't dehydrated (I had 4 L of water the day before, and had already had 2 L of water for the day).  I took a nap, and they continued.  I took it as easy as I could the rest of the day. 

The only thing I can think of is that I just did way too much on Saturday.  We had gone to my parents' house to help them get a room ready for my grandmother coming to stay for a couple of days.  I was working pretty much non-stop for about 5 or 6 hours.  Neil yelled at me one time because he caught me doing something that he said I shouldn't be doing while pregnant (attempting to put bed raisers under a bed - with mattress and box spring on it - by myself). 

Neil: "Pam!  You're Pregnant!" 

Me: "So."

Stephen (my brother): "Stubborn women in our family..."

Then, of course, the guys took over the job. 

The good news is that I haven't had any problems so far today (Monday).  However, I guess I know my limitations now.

Midwife appointment tomorrow.  I'll post on that later.

Praise the Lord for Vision!!

The past couple of years, I feel like I've been in this slump.  Lack of vision seems to have been the culprit.  I know that being a full-time mom is my God-ordained #1 ministry.  Ministering to my children should come before any other ministry in which I take part.  However, I also know that God didn't create me to be simply a wife and a mother.  He created me to use my gifts, talents, and abilities to minister to others as well.  He has a plan and purpose for me, Pam, outside of my "wife" and "mom" titles.  The question of how I can be both a full-time mom AND do something out in the world for the kingdom has been a struggle for me, yet I knew deep-down that it was possible.

Over the past couple of months, God has started to put various things on my heart.  More questions than anything.  But over the course of this past week or two, God has totally bombarded me with a very real, very specific vision for what he wants me to do for his kingdom.

Many people (MANY) - over the past 2 years - have told me that I should sell the diapers that I make on Etsy.  I never really took them seriously, simply because I couldn't see myself setting all that time aside to work on diapers, when I don't really need the cash - and I didn't want it taking away from the time I needed to spend with my kids.  It just seemed selfish to me.

However, at the same time, I've been wondering how I could use making diapers as a ministry.  I thought about teaching other ladies to make them...or making some for people that couldn't really afford them...

Then BAM!  It all just kinda came together.  So this is the vision:

I'm going to sell diapers/ diaper covers/ training pants on Etsy for the going price (on the low-end of that going price, most likely...some people charge insane amounts for them - ridiculous!).
Because they sell for way more than what it costs to make them, I am going to use all the proceeds that I make on Etsy to fund making diapers for people that can't afford them.  I know that there are people out there that have to cut back on groceries, simply because they have to buy diapers. 
For each diaper/cover I sell, I should be able to make about 4 or 5 for people who need them.

How will I give them out?
That's where networking comes in.
1. crisis pregnancy centers.  I volunteered at one in college.  Most have a program where they take donated items and put them in a store.  Moms can then earn points doing various things (going to prenatal appointments, parenting classes, etc.) and can use those points to buy things in their "store".  I figure if someone needs diapers, cloth is the best way to go, because you don't have to keep buying them!  So my first goal is to talk to the crisis pregnancy center here, in town, and see if they would want any for their store, and go from there.

2. I'm also wanting to talk to my midwife about it - both for getting the word out about the Etsy store (for funding purposes) AND for if there is anyone that needs diapers and can't afford them, so I can give them some!

3. There's also Mission Granbury, Mission Arlington, shelters, etc. that I could go to as well...the list could go on and on...

Timing, of course, is important.  With me being less than 2 months away from having a baby right now, I know that now is not the best time to go full-force into this.  Plus, there's some groundwork that I need to cover first.
So, for now, the plan is to lay the groundwork, do the networking, and order a ton of diaper-making materials, and make diapers as I have time - so they are ready to sell when I feel it's the right time to begin.  God has given me the vision that I asked for, and I'm busting at the seems to follow through - I just have to be patient now :)

oh, and I've been thinking of what to call this vision.  So far, this is what I've come up with:

Love Bums
Showing love to the world one bum at a time...

because...Those that buy diapers, are actually donating/ showing love to others though their support.  And those that receive the donated diapers, are on the receiving end of that love.

What do you think about the name?  Too cheesy?  Just right?  some feedback would be great on that one! 

Can I just say that I am super-excited about this??

31 weeks

I had another appointment this week (Tuesday) with the midwife.  Everything looks good. 
* Baby is head-down still, and is in a good position (as far as rotation) for birth later.  It was pretty cool.  She put my hands on my belly to feel the baby's head, and then showed me how to follow the head down, and feel the neck and then the shoulders, etc.  pretty neat stuff.
* I got my blood drawn to check for anemia, but I'm good to go.
* They don't do a glucose test as standard of care - only if they see signs of glucose issues in the urine first (or other signs that gestational diabetes may be an issue).  Since I haven't shown any signs of anything, I don't have to do it - yeah!!
*  I gained back some weight this time, which is good.  I've gained a total of 20 lbs. so far.
* we went over all kinds of stuff - from handling GBS (Group B Strep) during labor (and how to decrease the chance of testing positive for it in the first place), the Vitamin K shot and eye gel for the baby when its born, to circumcision if we have a boy.  She actually sent me home with a video about circumcision.  Kinda weird, but ok.  Haven't watched it yet.

* There's going to be a breast-feeding support group/ class through the birthing center that actually starts tomorrow.  My friend Emily (the only person I know that has done a homebirth) is helping lead it.  I'm bummed about it though, because I can't go - It's during BSF. :(

* Today I ran for the first time in about 8 weeks (due to the sinus infection I've been battling forever and have finally overcome).  I took it easy - walked a quarter mile, ran a mile (in about 14 min. ha.), and walked another quarter mile.  I had some braxton hicks, but nothing really bad.  I shared all of this with the midwife, and she was very encouraging about the running.  She said that braxton hicks were going to happen - just to do what I felt comfortable doing and not to push myself too hard - but to go for it as long as I wasn't having any problems.

*I saw the pregnancy chiropractor at the birthing center, and it was great!!  She explained to me everything that she saw as problems (my legs weren't the same length due to my hips being out...she looked at something else and said that my pelvic bone was out of line...she found tension in one part of my back and asked if I had been getting enough water, or if I had been stressed out...) and how it would help get the baby (or keep the baby) in the right position simply by adjusting those things.  Pretty neat.  My hips had been randomly popping lately, and hurting at times, but she said it should feel better after adjusting the problem areas.  I do feel tons better.  Hooray for a wholistic approach to prenatal care :)

*I'm not sure if I mentioned this already:
At 35 weeks I'm going to start taking what they call "The 5-week Formula".  It's an herbal supplement that is supposed to kinda just bring the body into balance.  Specifically, if you have very long or very short labors, it's supposed to help labor be easier and more "average" in length.  It also does things like helps in the production of quality milk in the mother, aides in separation of the placenta, have larger dilation before discomfort arises, minimizes postpartum bleeding, reduces the risk of hemmorage, etc.  They pretty much encourage everyone to take it, but definitely someone like me who tends to have "fast and furious" labors.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now.