Keeping up with the Joneses

Shabbat

2012-02-13T16:09:00.001-06:00

The beginning of the year is always special. It reminds us of new beginnings. A fresh start.
God seems to use this time of endless resolutions - the time when people are actually thinking about what happened in their lives over the past year, and what they want to change in the next, to help us see where we need to grow - to change - to be pruned. He also uses it to show us where we need to focus, what we need to pray more diligently for, and also where we need to step out in faith - or just simply have faith as small as a mustard seed so that we can see the power that a small bit of faith holds.

Again, as I've stated before, I'm not one for "New Year's resolutions." It's not that I think resolutions are bad. No, just the opposite actually. I just feel like I am consistently making resolutions - setting goals - tweaking and changing through trial and error - and I should be listening to the Lord constantly to hear what he has to say. Because honestly, if I don't see somewhere that I need to change about a million times or more throughout the year, then I'm probably not as close to the Lord as I should be. If I'm not in His Word, then I won't see that there is any need for change. I won't see how far I am from the perfection of the Lord, the very One that I need to represent with my thoughts, words, and deeds each and every day. And if I'm not spending time in prayer, then nothing around me, or inside of me for that matter, is going to change.
We don't receive because we don't ask.
So God works at the beginning of the year the same way that He works throughout the entire year, and sometimes (most of the time, really) there is something that He shows us at the beginning of the year - to kind of focus our attention - our affections - on Him.
In years past, He has called us to fast.

This year, He has called us to eat.
sort-of.

We celebrated our first Shabbat with our Church Family on New Years Eve, and we have continued it since, every week, at our home. Neil and I had been learning a lot about Jewish Festivals - The Spring Festivals (Passover, Feast of Unleavened Bread, and Firstfruits - that Jesus all fulfilled) and the Winter Festivals (Feast of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, and Feast of Tabernacles - that are "practice" for what has yet to be fulfilled). While studying this, we also were learning about the Sabbath (Shabbat).

How many times had we really thought about the fact that obeying the Sabbath and keeping it Holy is a command, not a suggestion? Yup. One of the 10.

Jesus says that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath (Mark 2:27, Matthew 12). What I think he was condemning was the Pharisees extreme legalism about the Sabbath. They got onto Jesus for healing on the Sabbath (Matthew 12:10-14). They got onto Jesus for letting his disciples collect grain to eat on the Sabbath (Mark 2:23, Matthew 12). And he's saying "Look. God didn't say that you couldn't move a muscle. He said to honor the Sabbath. to keep it Holy." That doesn't mean you become bound by it to the point that you can't lift a finger (or a dish, or a diaper), or take care of things if a circumstance arose, but you need to have a reverence for it. To treat it as a special day. If you have a job, you need to only work the first 6 days, and rest the 7th, just as God did. When you're at home, you need to try to set this day aside for rest, and time with the Lord. Spend time with family. Have fun. Relax.
But in our culture, even this is difficult. Sometimes it's out of our control when we have to work. Most of the time, Neil works 10-hour days Monday-Thursday. But when it's outage time at the plant, he could be on days, he could be on nights, and when he works is based on a rotation, so you just never know.

What we feel God is showing us is this: set it apart, if and when it is at all possible. That's the very definition of Holy, isn't it? Set apart.
And the Jewish culture has a beautiful way of doing this. It's called Shabbat. A celebration of the Sabbath.
We have a special dinner together. Think along the lines of Thanksgiving - just not so gluttonous, but still a lot of food - and every week. Neil has learned to smoke a chicken to amazing perfection. I make Challah bread (pronounced Halla, with an "H" like you're clearing mucus out of the back of your throat). It's a rich egg & honey bread, braided with 3 strands of dough (a chord of 3 strands is not quickly broken). We use 2 loaves to represent the double portion that God promises to the Israelites for the Sabbath - and he provided a double portion of Manna on the 6th day so they would not have to collect it on the 7th day. (we definitely always have a double portion or more of food...leftovers for the day of rest, for sure!) We have 2 candlesticks that I light as I open in prayer at the beginning. We wash our hands. We thank God for providing. We break bread. We pass the cup. Not the cup of suffering and sacrifice that led to salvation, as in communion, but a cup of Joy. It's a time of rejoicing.
But the part that really stuck out to us when we were learning about it is this: the blessings.
Part of Shabbat is that the husband/father speaks blessings over each of his children. It's a special time that he takes them, lays hands on them, and speaks blessings over them - and encourages them in accomplishments, character that has been built, or other things worthy of praise that the father has witnessed in the child's life that week. Then, he speaks blessings over his wife (I'm rather fond of this part). He prays Proverbs 31 over her, and encourages her - and encourages the children to praise her (to "Rise up and call her blessed.")
Yes, we praise our children as part of everyday life, but this is a special time - to make a point to say things that maybe you didn't get an opportunity to do throughout the busy week. To Bless them - to speak things that are not as though they were. There is power in that. If you call a boy a knight or a warrior, and speak to him as though he were one, he will rise up and become one, because that's what he comes to believe about himself and his abilities. We name our kids intentionally. We want them to grow into their names, and live out what their names mean. Balian means "warrior". We want him to grow to become a warrior for God's kingdom. A prayer warrior, and one that will fight for God's Truth. So we bless him - "May you become a warrior for God's kingdom - one who, like Stephen, loves the Lord more than his very life." That's a good place to start anyway.

It's just beautiful. We follow a Messianic version, so everything that we do puts Jesus as the focus. It's not just some ritual that we do just because. We have a reason. We love it. We look forward to it, and our kids do to.
One day, while my kids were playing with dried beans and Tupperware (yes, they can do this for about an hour), Bella was pouring beans over Balian's hands, saying what we say at Shabbat when we wash our hands: "I dedicate my hands to you, Jesus, to serve you only." Yes, they are just repeating what they have heard, and what they say, but there is profound truth to that.

Bella gets excited about our "Special Dinner". She likes to help me set the table and get everything ready. Balian's favorite part is sitting down to dinner and saying "Shabbat Shalom!"
Isaiah's favorite part is eating the bread.
All three kids are all smiles as Neil lays hands on them and blesses them. It's a special time.

Most of the time we end up breaking out into spontaneous songs of praise at some point.

And I can't help but think that God smiles as he sees us setting this time apart - to remember that we should have a day of rest - making it easier to consciously have a true day of rest the next day.
I can't help but think that this may have a lot to do with breakthroughs and changes in our house. As we honor God, he honors us.

There's still one part of Shabbat that we aren't so sure about though - The specific day. As Christians, most of us make Sunday our day of rest. When did this change, and why? The early Christians still went to the synagogue and observed the Sabbath on Saturday - the 7th day of the week (and Messianic Jews still do), so it couldn't have simply been because Jesus rose on the First day of the week. It's not my wish to be legalistic. I just want to honor God the way he has asked me to. Commanded me to. If he says to rest specifically on the 7th day of the week, then why did everything get changed to Sunday? Are we breaking God's command?
For now, we've been celebrating Shabbat on the day of rest we have been accustomed to (Saturday night, for a day of rest on Sunday), until we get specific guidance on this one.
But no matter the day - it has been so, so special to our family.
Just wanted to share.

Responsibility? What's that?

2012-02-01T21:34:00.000-06:00

I've been searching for responsibility charts for my kiddos, but I haven't found one that I like. Neil and I don't like the idea of rewarding our kids for things that they are expected to do as part of a contributing member of our family. However, I do like keeping a record - if for no other reason than the child being able to see what they have and have not accomplished. Perhaps not now, but eventually, we want to reward them (with money) for chores above and beyond their normal duties. And we want to use this as a tool for teaching money management - saving, tithing, and spending wisely.

Well today I found a stinkin' awesome tool to do this. It incorporates all of this. A list of chores each child is expected to do as a contributing member of the family, the chores that they can choose to do for pay, accountability for doing those tasks and reporting it (kinda like a time card, so to speak), and then how to manage the money they are given on their "payday". If you want to buy it, you can. I think it's about $40 or so. I think I'll use this as a guide to make a system for our family. Either way, I think it's great. check it out:

Fisher Kids Responsibility System

Search. Prune. Change. Repeat.

2012-01-29T22:39:00.000-06:00

"Search me, oh God, and know my heart.
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24

Change begins with me.

Sounds logical. Almost a no-brainer. Of course it does. Even sounds easy.
But it's hard to change when you don't know what needs to be changed.

When you're sick, you see the symptoms. Your throat hurts. You can't breathe through your nose. Your head hurts. You may have fever. The symptoms get worse. You see the symptoms, and you know that there is a problem, so you try to fix it in every way you know how. You use Halls drops, Chloriseptic spray, Tylenol, take more vitamin C, do nasal rinses - the whole shabang. Some things seem to work, but only for a while, and then you just feel lousy again. The symptoms never go away for good. You get frustrated because by golly, you are doing everything that you know to do, but nothing will shake this thing! Why can't I shake this thing? You call the doctor and tell him your symptoms. You're hoping he can just give you a prescription over the phone so that you can start feeling better now. You've looked up all your symptoms online, and you're pretty sure you know what the problem is, so you give him your opinion as well.
The problem, however, is that no matter how much you tell him about the symptoms, he can't make you better until you go see him and he examines you and diagnoses the problem. Sure, you can tell him what YOU think it is, but only he knows how to make you better.

You know where I'm going with this...but here's my story anyway...

After Balian was born, I went through a really rough time. I struggled with PPD in the form of irritability and anger. But for some reason I would only take it out on my baby girl, Bella.
At first, every time I screamed at her, or was just down-right mean to her, I would be horrified, and I would go in my bathroom and cry my eyes out. As time went on, it was "like" I was getting calloused to it...but I wasn't. I thought I was getting better, but I wasn't. The other PPD symptoms left - my hormones seemed to be regulated, but one thing remained: anger. And I was always angry at Bella. Always. I saw everything negative. All I saw was what she did wrong - her misbehavior - her disobedience. So I tried to fix that, but to no avail. I still got angry. She still disrespected me. And I got more angry. I yelled, when I never yelled before. And why did I always feel so angry still? I was never an angry person. I felt so incredibly stressed out - why? It just didn't all make sense.
I was meeting with the Lord, and learning and growing a lot. I would talk God's ear off about all of these symptoms. I just wanted to be back to normal. I wanted to get better. I wanted the symptoms to go away. Can my compliant, obedient baby girl come back? I didn't want the stress. I didn't like being angry. I asked God to take the anger. I felt like I truly gave it to him. But it was still the same.
Through prayer one day, I was asking God what it was that I do differently now in my parenting than I did when Bella was younger. He led me to go back and look at some transcripts from Elizabeth Elliot's radio show Gateway to Joy, which I had read in the early days for encouragement in motherhood. And in one of her transcripts about teaching children obedience, she talked about how if a parent has a problem with anger toward their children, then it's possible that the parent has some unforgiveness in their heart - causing bitterness to take root.
That struck me. I've been so angry. But I'm not a person to hold grudges. My feelings may be hurt by someone, and it may take me a while to get over that hurt, but I'm quick to pardon. I thought for a while...Is there anyone I haven't forgiven? I couldn't even think of a hurt that I hadn't gotten over. Not even with Neil. Right then, I presented my thoughts to the Lord, and said "Lord, if there is someone that I need to forgive, please, please let me know." The next morning, during the sermon, I was in my own world with God. Just sitting. actually waiting and listening.
And the Holy Spirit said "You haven't forgiven yourself."
BAM! Talk about getting hit between the eyes.
Say what? "I haven't forgiven myself?"
His reply: "You haven't forgiven yourself for how you treated Bella during your time in the wilderness."
I was speechless. So I just sat and listened more. He continued to reveal everything. And it all made so much sense.
I was angry, and at the time I felt like I couldn't control it, I was so mean to Bella. It horrified me. Every angry word, every hurtful action - it stuck with me. The tears may have left, but the guilt didn't.
Even when the "wilderness" was over, and I felt like God had given me victory, I couldn't be totally healed, because I was still carrying around the guilt and the shame. Every time I looked at Bella, I was disgusted with myself. How could I have treated her so horribly? And I knew that I was the cause of her misbehavior. I was looking into a mirror. So I got angry with myself...and continued to project that anger on Bella.
It doesn't make sense at all...and yet it totally makes sense.
I just never thought it could run that deep.
It's amazing what a little bit of Holy Spirit clarity can do.
No longer treating the symptoms, but rather treating the root of the problem.
It wasn't Bella's behavior. It was mine...but instead of letting go of the guilt, I held onto it with clinched fists.

I couldn't just talk to the Doctor. I had to let him examine me. So that he could tell me the True diagnosis.
So that I could forgive and let go.
I'm working on that one.
And God is making some pretty big changes as I work through it.
Praise God for his never-ending love. He is always good.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23

Oh, Bella

2012-01-14T22:15:00.001-06:00

This is Bella. My curly, blond-headed, blue-eyed 4.5-year-old.

She loves to sing, dance, and twirl.

This was one of those moments I just had to catch. "Mommy, take a picture of me dancing!" There is something incredibly beautiful about it. I look at this picture and I see time flashing before me. When did she get to be a little girl? When was the last time I just watched her, and took in her beauty - and relished every moment of it? When was the last time I just sat there watching, thanking God for the beautiful girl that she is - full of life and expectation, vibrant and passionate? Oh that we all would be so full of life! Jesus said that He came to give us abundant life. I have no doubt that this little girl will live that out.

I've never really known how to encourage Bella in artwork. No matter how old she is, or how much she draws, I really haven't seen much improvement. I have always complimented her, encouraged her, no matter what it looked like. See below: The big green thing is a stable...Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus are in there somewhere...not sure what the green sun looking things are...

But apparently drawing just isn't her forte, and play-dough is more up her ally. It's not like we've never played with play-dough. We have. A lot. But Lately, this girl has been amazing me with her creations. The pictures below are true creations of Bella - with absolutely NO help from anyone. Her thoughts, her hands, her work. She just came and said "Mommy, look what I made!" I looked, and I was amazed. Snapshots soon followed.

Butterfly and Flower. Not that you couldn't tell. I was not expecting this.

She made a person out of her rolling tool. Kinda reminds me of a wooden clothespin person...only instead of fabric, we have play-dough.

This may be a little tricky, but it's a ladybug. Complete with black spots, eyes, and exactly 6 little black legs.

I said "wow, Bella - you even gave the ladybug 6 legs!" Her reply "Of course, mom, that's how many legs ladybugs have!" I guess she learned it from observing ladybugs in nature?

And here's an activity that we did this week. Matching words to pictures. She has to read the word, then find the picture that matches, and place the word underneath the picture. I helped her with the first word, just so that she knew what to do.

The rest she did completely on her own, and she got every single one right. Such a smart girl!

I've noticed that she definitely performs a lot better (and stays on task a lot longer) when she works independently, rather than me hovering over her. So I try to let her do things completely on her own as much as possible. Handwriting, activities like this. With reading that's tough to do though, so she wants to give up quickly. Any thoughts?

Oh, and one more thing about Bella. She is the dress-up QUEEN! Every time I turn around she is wearing something different. (=clothes Everywhere, all day long) She's always so creative - making a way to turn herself into any character. Here is an example. She is Ariel. A red dress for hair, A blue shirt turned upside-down and tied on the side for a fin, and her swimsuit top (tucked under on the bottom) to make a bikini top. I'm always amazed...and yet never quite prepared for what I'm about to see...

She is just so incredibly creative. Imaginative. Love it.

Love her.

10 Months Already?

2012-01-12T15:34:00.000-06:00

I'm wanting to push the stop button, or at least the pause button. My baby is getting so big so fast and I'm left wondering where the time has gone.

I weighed Isaiah the other day with his clothes on, and he was about 16.5 lbs. So probably more like 16 is accurate. He's our petite one, for sure.

We are still successfully breastfeeding, although I'm starting to re-evaluate the word "successful". For a while there, I thought we were going to have to stop nursing all-together, because Isaiah is just so curious about EVERYTHING going on around him. Nurse for 2 seconds, off for 5 minutes. Nurse until I have a let-down, then immediately come off to look at something, and get sprayed in the face with milk. He gets distracted by the smallest, most insignificant things. A noise. A toy he sees. The phone or TV remote catches his eye. Daddy is somewhere in the room, he just knows it! He comes off to flirt. He comes off to play. It's definitely been a battle the past couple of months. This month, it's gotten a bit better, but we had to throw nursing in public (or around other people) out the window. For those situations I have to pump and give him a sippy cup. Otherwise, I'd be flashing everyone around me about a million times in one feeding, or he would be too distracted to eat at all. Heck, we have that problem at home sometimes! So the pump has become a very close friend of mine.

Isaiah is definitely loving table food right now. I've been giving him some finger foods, but I'm also using the food mill more than I have for either of the other kids. I love it! He's eating a lot of the same things that we are now, which makes preparing food for him a snap!

His favorite foods right now: meat sticks, yogurt, bread, crackers, applesauce...but he really eats anything we give him.

Isaiah is still taking his time in the movement department. He is on the floor playing ALL the TIME. We don't put him in a jumper, walker, or any other contraption, and yet...He still isn't crawling on all fours. He does his scooting version of the Army crawl. I noticed today that he totally has the crawling down except for his left knee. If I help him move his left leg, he does the rest himself. Maybe something is out of line? He's getting on hands and knees and rocking, moving into a sitting position, and even trying to pull up on things (only successful on his knees at this point. No pulling to a stand yet, although he's trying). He likes to stand and hold on to things, like his play-table and the ottoman in the living room, but we definitely have to be right behind him, because he isn't very steady on his feet yet. It'll all happen in time. Right now I'm kinda glad that he's taking it slow...more time to cuddle with mama instead of running away :)

In other milestones, Isaiah has reached the point of loving books for other reasons than eating them. He actually looks at the pictures, touches the textures, and gets excited about book time. He loves turning the pages as well. And he loves turning off lights now. Before naps and bed I let him turn his light off before putting him down in his bed. Makes him happy.

And speaking of bed, Isaiah has a new thing with sitting up in his crib, taking out his binky, and throwing it over the side and onto the floor. Sometimes it isn't a problem, but sometimes I'm wondering why it's taking him more than his usual 5 minutes to fall asleep...turning into like an hour...I'll go in and yes - he's done it again.

Isaiah officially has 4 teeth now. He just cut his top two teeth at the same time, and you would never have guessed it, thanks to a Baltic Amber teething necklace. The day before we got it, Isaiah was starting to get pretty fussy. I put that necklace on him, and within a couple of hours he was back to himself. seriously. I never took it off, and you never would have thought he was cutting 2 teeth. no fussing, no nothing, except a bit of drooling. Amazing!

What I love most about Isaiah:
1. His beautiful eyes. He has the longest eyelashes of any of the kids, and his eyes are brown and blue. They are brown in the middle and blue around the edges. All the time. Just beautiful. I've never seen anything like it.
2. His smile. It takes up so much of his petite face. I love it.
3. He is a happy, go-with-the-flow baby with a no-quit attitude. Happy, persistent, and patient. That's hard to find.

It's Not a Resolution

2012-01-09T16:15:00.000-06:00

I don't make New Year's resolutions. Truth be told, I don't need to make them; my husband makes them for me.
Apparently Neil likes to sign me up for races that are made for crazy people. I guess he thinks I fit the bill. A couple of years ago, he signed me up for the Ragnar Relay - where a team of 12 people ran a combined total of about 200 miles across the state of Florida in a little over one day. My mileage was a total of about 16.5 miles, but broken up into 3 separate legs. I thought he was crazy. No way I could be a part of that. Then, I trained, and I did it. But let's not mention the fact that Neil got the stomach bug and didn't end up participating...

So this time around, Neil's brother, Jonathan, calls and asks if we want to do the Hotter'n Hell race in Wichita Falls, TX. 3 different events. A 100-mile road bike race, a 13-mile off-road mountain bike race, or an off-road trail run of either a 10k or a half marathon.

Did I mention it's at the end of August...in Texas? CRAZY!!
Yet Neil is like "c'mon Pammy. It's not like it's crazier than the Ragnar - and you did that."
Yes, I did run my longest leg of 6.6 miles in something like 95-degree record-breaking heat in November, in the middle of the afternoon without any shade...after having next to no sleep because of running in the middle of the night and then trying to sleep on the floor of a middle school library...
But Ragnar being crazier? I'm not so sure about that.

Right now, I'd be starting pretty much from scratch as far as training goes. I've taken a running sabbatical, so to speak, for a couple of months...or a lot of months now. (Life just got crazy and super-busy with 3 kids, home school, and breastfeeding.) I ran on Friday, and I made it a mile...in 11:30. great. But I know that I can start from scratch. I did it when I first started running, and I've done it every time I've had a baby...this time I just have to start from scratch for the second time since having Isaiah. So this will be my 5th time to do it. It's no fun at first, at all. But give it about a month, and I'll be loving it as much as I always have, and I'll eventually pick up the pace again.

But even if I do the half, it isn't the distance that scares me - it's the heat. Especially considering how many consecutive 100-degree days we had this past summer.
I know that the right gear is everything. Hydration belt or pack. The right attire. The right shoes for running trails. And some of those amazing energy gel things that you can suck down when you feel like you have no energy left...so long as I can find the caffeine-free kind. Also running outside in the Texas heat to train is a good idea. No problem, I'll just step outside my door in mid-day come summer-time and go for some "adapt to the heat" kinda runs.

And this time around I'm going to train the right way. I'm going to give myself a break every couple of weeks and just have a "slow and steady", low-mileage week.
And I'm going to do strength training too, to prevent injury.

I guess we'll just see how it goes. I'm sure I'll be proven wrong again...and I'm sure I'll love it. If nothing else, it gives me something to train for, right? Motivation - setting a goal - is everything.

So when do I start training? Good question...

Glad Tidings of Great Joy

2011-12-26T20:17:00.005-06:00

Is it possible for Christmas to get better every year?

This was our 4th year to not have gifts under the tree on Christmas morning.

I guess it's kinda complicated to explain to those that don't understand.

No Stockings. No exchanging gifts. No Christmas tree. Definitely no Santa.

For me, it means replacing stress with peace, which is so difficult to look around and see this time of year. We sing songs of Joy, but are we stopping to experience that Joy? We sing songs of Peace, but are we resting in the Peace which passes all understanding - and focusing on Him alone?

It means that my focus changes. Instead of giving to those that already have too much, I'm giving to those that do without. And this means I'm exchanging gifts with the One who should really be getting the gifts anyway.

He Alone is the reason that we celebrate.

This year, I kept my mouth closed, and I listened. I asked people how they were doing.

"I'm doing good, but I just have so much shopping left to do. I was hoping that I would be done by now so that I could just enjoy the rest of December."

I had to sit back and praise God. I was listening to so many people tell me how stressed out they were, and I was just so thankful. Thankful that instead of all of the stress, I got to sit back, relax, and enjoy my Savior...and teach my children to do the same.

My prayer this month was that others may experience what I have been experiencing.

Love. Joy. Peace.

no strings attached.

yes, even at Christmas. Especially at Christmas.

Throughout December we did the Jesse Tree - reading scriptures that told the story of God's Redemption of his people - through the prophesies and the lineage of Christ.

Bella loved figuring out which symbol ornament went with the scriptures we read.

Balian loved turning on the lights of the tree, getting the box of ornaments out, and stacking the ornaments to make towers.

But even in the midst of making towers, the kids were learning. When Balian was praying one night he mentioned something about Adam and Eve. I couldn't make out everything, but at least he was catching on to something. And he was getting so excited about putting baby Jesus on the tree...Christmas Eve it was like he just couldn't stand the anticipation. The mention of the name Jesus, and he was running to the box to get the baby Jesus ornament out. He was excited.

I taught the kids about St. Nicholas. The real one. We talked about how St. Nicholas gave to people that had needs - like food, money to pay taxes, etc. - because he loved Jesus. We talked about how we should do the same.

To Celebrate St. Nicholas Day (Dec. 6), I asked Bella if she could help me go through her toys to see if there were any toys that she didn't play with anymore, or that she simply didn't want. I explained that there are some little boys and girls that don't have very many (if any) toys to play with - and that she has a LOT of toys. God wants us to share what we have with others that don't have as much. My daughter has such a giving heart! I think she would have given away ALL of her toys if I hadn't told her she couldn't! After going through them all, the toys we decided to part with went under the Jesse Tree - our gifts to Jesus - by giving to those that don't have as much. (we donated them later.)

We also watched the Veggie-tales video about St. Nicholas. It's actually very good, and I have to admit that I had to keep myself from crying at the end of it a couple of times...

We talked about Jesus' birthday all month long. Bella dressed up, put veils on her head, and acted out the story of Christmas, while pretending to be Mary - using her baby dolls for baby Jesus.

Bella never referred to December 25 as Christmas. It was always "Jesus' Birthday."

We did talk about Santa, and how he (gasp!) isn't real. Some people think that he is real, but he isn't. He is pretend - just like Rapunzel. A story. And although there are books, toys, movies, and games all about both Santa and Rapunzel, they are both pretend. Not the truth.

Jesus is the Truth. Jesus is why we have Christmas. It's His Birthday - just like we all have a birthday.

We talked about gifts. We get presents on our birthday. We give presents to people on their birthdays - because we are happy that they are alive so that we can love them. That is their special day. Would Bella like it if on her birthday everybody gave Balian presents? I wonder if Jesus feels the same way...

In the midst of all of this, Neil and I prayed, as we always do, about what gift our family could give Jesus for His birthday this year. How did he want us to serve him - to be his hands and feet?

And he led us right to where he wanted us to be. A place we probably never would have gone otherwise. I remember getting off of the phone after figuring everything out, and tears were running down my face as I was talking to Neil about the opportunity that God had given us. I was beyond words. In the midst of giving, Jesus was giving to us - filling our hearts to overflowing. And as we experience this pouring out, we're getting addicted to it. We want more. We want to do more. We want to give more.

And we do.

No it shouldn't (and doesn't) just happen at Christmas. But there is something thirst-quenching about giving to the Lord on His day. Bringing our gifts, and bowing down before the King - presenting them to Him in a posture of Worship. Like the Wise Men did so long ago, we give gifts to the One who deserves the Praise.

We celebrated Him.

We were Blessed to have my brother, Brandon, with us this year for our Jesus Celebration. It was so good to spend time with him. catch up. Talk about the Lord like we never have before. The change that I've seen in him - the way he's growing in the Lord. My heart is full of Joy. I'm overflowing. Thank you, Jesus.

We made and decorated a Birthday cake, and sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

We watched St. Nicholas...again...

We did a scavenger hunt - searching for baby Jesus. We used Scripture, and did activities, and with each step understood more about God's love story. At the end of our journey, we found baby Jesus, wrapped in strips of cloth - in a stable, with the animals. So unfitting for my King.

Bella and Balian took turns holding baby Jesus, and were so, so gentle.

The wonder of Christmas, for me, no longer lies in children's faces as they see a big Christmas tree or see what Santa brought them on Christmas morning.

The wonder of Christmas lies in children's faces as they come one step closer to knowing their Savior.

We read the Christmas story again, from Luke, Chapter 2, and we FINALLY put our baby Jesus ornament on the top of the Jesse Tree.

I listen to their beautiful voices as we sing praise - and worship together as a family - celebrating the birth of Jesus. God humbling himself to be like one of us. The Lamb without blemish - born to lay down his life. To experience the separation from God and the full measure of God's wrath that we deserve. That I deserve. To save us ALL. Once. Forever.

Joy to the world!

The Lord has come!

Let Earth receive her King!

Let every heart prepare him room!

Let Heaven and nature sing!!!

Happy Birthday, Jesus! We give you all the Glory!!

Not. Quite. Crawling.

2011-12-13T16:26:00.001-06:00

Yes, Isaiah is 9 months now, and still isn't crawling. The other two kids started the day they turned 9 months. He's finding ways to get around though - at least a little bit.

If we're in the living room, he'll hold on to the shag rug, and pull himself forward.

He can get up on his knees, and when he does he rocks. We've tried to entice him with keys, water bottles, phones, etc...but nope. This is a video of one of Neil's ideas to try to get him moving. Someday I'll be able to post a video of him actually crawling...until then, enjoy!

I Love My Job!

2011-12-08T22:30:00.000-06:00

We are all sitting down to dinner, getting food on the table, and getting everybody situated. I finally sit down, and look over at Balian interacting with Isaiah.

He's holding Isaiah's hands together and saying "Thank you...God...for Mama...for Daddy...Bella...me..."

yes, my 2-yr-old was teaching my almost 9-month-old how to pray.

Discipleship starts early, friends.

Didy, a.k.a Waves

2011-12-06T15:18:00.000-06:00

So after my first experience with carrying Isaiah on my back - and him sleeping for 2 hours - I was totally sold on it. My friend Emily is the VP of Ft. Worth Babywearers, and she helped me out a LOT! After researching wraps, I saw that even though it's just a piece of fabric, it wasn't something I could make and have the same results (comfort, support, etc.) of a bought woven wrap. I went over to Emily's house and tried out different wraps, she helped me practice different techniques, and she helped me better learn how to get Isaiah in back carries by myself. She directed me to thebabywearer.com where you can buy woven wraps used on the For Sale or Trade forum. And that's where I found it. A used Didymos Silver Waves wrap. I bought it from a mama in Canada for a really good price, and after trying it out, I wonder how in the world I made it this long without one. Seriously...those mamas all over the world that carry their babies around while they do everything with the use of both hands have an edge on us "civilized" folk. See for yourself:

Here's Isaiah in it. Totally comfy. Good support. Not tight around the legs cutting of circulation. He can see everything going on around him, and I can pull up the fabric that's around his back so that he can go to sleep if he wants. I can do everything using both hands. I don't feel like I need to put a hand on Isaiah to support him at all. On a particular fussy day, I put him back there like this, and cooked dinner. chopped veggies, bent down to get dishes out of cabinets, etc. not a fuss was had when he was back there. seriously amazing. Oh, and no tugging at my shoulders or making my back hurt because of the baby's weight. No hunching over. nothing. love it.

And just to show how supportive these wraps are, here's Balian in it. Yes, he's over 2 years old. Honestly, I could probably carry Bella in it if I really wanted to. So what did I do when I wrapped up Balian on my back? I took him for a hands-free piggy-back ride...running around the house. yes, I was running. and yes, without hands supporting him at all. It's that supportive. He had a blast!

Seriously...I wish I had known about these things sooner! It totally beats slings, ring slings, and Moby's, hands down!

Time with Daddy

2011-12-05T14:33:00.001-06:00

Neil has no idea this was taken. He and Bella were sitting outside at his parent's house. The rest of us were spying on them through the kitchen window. Bella was talking Neil's ear off, and he just sat there with her while she talked. We were taking votes as to whether or not he was listening. Then a while later, we'd see him say something back. These two were probably out there for a good 45 minutes or so. We have no idea what Bella was talking about, but what I DO know is that this kind of time with her Daddy is priceless.

Camping with the Cousins

2011-12-01T15:34:00.001-06:00

While visiting Neil's family for Thanksgiving, all the kids (that were there) went for a camp-out on some of Neil's parent's property - the "country house", as Bella calls it. PopPop, Neil and Kyle pitched tents, built a campfire, and slept out there with the bigger kiddos. We all joined in for hot dogs and s'mores that night, and breakfast burritos the next day. The kids all had a ton of fun together! Bella was even asking if we could do it again the next night!

Mmm...that warm fire!

Taylor and Chase with Nana

Bella Girl

Miranda, Addison, Kyle, and Chase

The Campsite

Balian smiles

And Isaiah too

The Jones cousins: Chase, Bella, Taylor, Isaiah, ad Balian (Maris was in TX, and Addison was at home.)

And just in case you can't tell, Bella really liked Nana's Pumpkin Cheesecake at Thanksgiving. Yup. She's licking the caramel off the plate. wow. Her Daddy's girl, indeed!

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

2011-11-30T13:13:00.004-06:00

For those that don't know, the season of Advent started on Sunday. Advent is the season where we prepare our hearts for the celebration of Christ's coming. We reflect on the meaning of Christ becoming flesh. We read the Love Story that God unfolded, and had planned since the beginning of time. It's so easy to get caught up in all of the "festivities" that surround Christmastime, and neglect the very thing that is the most important - worship and adoration of the Savior Himself. That's why I love Advent. It helps me to slow down, reflect, worship, pray, and serve - all while anticipating the celebration that is to come.

I've gotten tons of questions lately about the Jesse Tree. I love the questions, because I am so excited that a lot of our friends have decided to start doing the Jesse Tree with their families this year. I just love this tradition. Starting the first day of Advent, you read a passage of scripture together as a family, then hang a corresponding ornament on your Jesse Tree. The readings go through the promises that God made to his people, the lineage of Christ, and the prophesies about Christ, all leading up to Jesus' birth. The Jesse Tree gets its name from the Messianic prophesy in Isaiah 11, that starts with "A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit..."

Where do you get a Jesse Tree?
There are people that sell the whole package or just the ornaments, or just a booklet of readings and information on Etsy. Most are done out of felt and done like a banner that you hang on your wall. This is what I grew up using, only my mom made ours. You could also do what we've done, and use the Christmas tree that you already have. Instead of using it as a "Christmas tree", we still put it up, put lights on it (Jesus is the light of the world) and put an angel on top (Announcing the Coming of the Lord), then only put our Jesse tree ornaments on it. So, it starts out with only lights and gets one ornament added every night. I also handmade my ornaments out of wooden circles and squares that I got at a craft store, used paint pens to draw pictures on them, drilled holes in the tops, and put wire through them to make hooks to hang them. Want to do the Jesse tree but really want to save money? Go get a big branch out of your backyard, draw pictures on paper circles, and put some yarn through them. yep. that works too.

You want Scripture verses to read?
There are so many scripture readings that you could use. What each family uses differs greatly. If you look it up, you'll get lots of different passages. This is the list that we use, which are the same readings that I grew up with. Add or subtract passages as you wish, change up the order to mix up old testament and new testament...just remember the most passages you should use is 28, because at most, Advent is 4 full weeks.

Week 1:
Jeremiah 33: 14-16 Jesse Tree Prophesy (tree branch)
Genesis 1:1-2:4a Creation (world and clouds)
Gen. 2:4b-7 Creation of Man (mud man)
Gen. 2:8-17 Where man lives (tree and flowers)
Gen. 2:18-24 Creation of Woman (lumber lady)
Gen. 3:1-7 The Fall (serpent and apple)
Gen. 3:8-24 The Result (flaming sword)

Week 2:
Gen 4: 1-16 Cain and Able (Man torn from man)
Gen. 6:5-9; 7:1-5,10, 17-23; 8:6-13 The Flood (ark)
Gen. 9:1-17 Noah's covenant (Rainbow)
Gen. 11:1-9 Tower of Babel (*says people torn from people. We use the tower as a symbol.)
Gen. 12:1-7; 15:5-6 (*says tent, but we use a sky full of stars)
Gen. 22:1-18 Sacrifice of Issac (lamb)
Gen. 28:10-22 Jacobs Dream (ladder)

Week 3:
Gen. 37:1-35 Selling of Joseph (coat)
Ex. 3:1-18 Moses' call (burning bush)
Ex. 20:1-17 Law of the Covenant (tablets/10 commandments)
1 Sam. 3:1-20 Samuel, first Prophet (lamp)
1 Sam. 9:15-17,25-10:1 Saul, first king (oil flask)
1 Sam. 16:1-13 Jesse's son (branch with flowers)
1 Sam. 16:14-23 David (harp)

Week 4:
1 Kings 3:3-28 Solomon (justice scales)
Micah 5:2-4 Bethlehem prophesy (town)
Jeremiah 23:2-8 people-shepherd prophesy (shepherd's crook)
Isaiah 9:2-7 Messiah-king prophesy (crown)
Isaiah 11:1-10 Messianic age prophesy (branch with fruit)
Matthew 1:18-25 Annunciation and expectation (angel)
Luke 2:1-21 Nativity evening (baby)

And now...worship.
For a lot of years now, this has been my favorite Advent song. It's an updated version of the hymn that's actually really good and speaks to my heart every time I listen to it. I hope you enjoy!!

Making a Masterpiece...

2011-11-22T10:29:00.002-06:00

So my grandfather (who died almost a year ago) made this easel for my sister and I when we were little. Yes, he made it. Now, after many years of sitting in my parent's garage, it is being put to good use again! I think it's a fabulous addition to our school room, and the kids think so too :)

I got this idea from Parent's Magazine. I got some cheap 4oz baby bottles, filled them with paint, cut off the top of the nipple and put it in the bottle upside down and put the ring on. Tada! Re-sealable paint holders that take excess paint off of paintbrushes too!!

Worked fabulously!

My Little Gymnast

2011-11-20T21:41:00.001-06:00

We started Bella in Gymnastics (Finally!) about 2 weeks ago at GymKat Sport Center here, in Granbury. She LOVES it! It's a small class of (at most 6) 3.5-5 yr-olds. It's been more like 2 kids...hoping for more for the purpose of socialization, but at least she has something that is JUST for her, and something that she can work hard at and excel. A good excuse for praise from Mom and Dad :)

...and this is the best picture I could get on her first day...

The sticker on her shirt is for following directions :)

MmmmMmmm Good!

2011-11-19T15:12:00.001-06:00

I've been making up more baby food for Isaiah. Here, I've canned some Pears and some Plumbs. I only can fruit purees. With Balian, I wanted to do veggies. However, the only way you can safely can veggies is with a pressure canner...and the pressure canner instructions specifically said NOT to do purees. So...I gave up. Botulism is not something I want to mess with. So after steaming and pureeing, I can the fruit (high-acid) foods using the boiling bath method, and freeze the veggies in babycubes then separate into ziploc bags. It's worked out pretty good for me. But there's just something about all those canning jars lined up...makes me happy :)

Rub-a-dub-dub

2011-11-18T21:42:00.001-06:00

Rub-a-dub-dub

3 kids in the tub

ooo, the new possibilities

the baby, the comic, and the firecracker too

I can't believe it's true!

*sidenote:
Do you see the Pet shampoo? No, we don't have a dog. We use it for Isaiah (and me) for eczema. I know. weird. But it's been working really good and I've definitely noticed a difference in both of us. It's actually John Paul's (the Paul in Paul Mitchell) Pet Shampoo for sensitive skin or something like that. It has oatmeal and almond oil in it...if you or your baby have eczema, check it out!

And yes, Balian got a haircut. I went grocery shopping, and when I came home, he had no hair. Apparently some guy at the auto parts store referred to Balian as a "she" and Neil just couldn't handle it. Whatever. People are so dense. I thought it would be the coolest thing ever for my crazy man to have a fro. We'll try again later, I suppose...

A Little Piece of Heaven

2011-11-18T14:41:00.000-06:00

This is what makes a great day: All 3 kids in the same room, playing together, without arguing, fighting, bickering, or being too rough. Just good 'ol playtime. Makes this Mama very happy :)

*sigh*

love, love, love it!

Pumpkin Painting

2011-11-17T16:55:00.001-06:00

Painting the Pumpkins they got at Mainstay Farm :)

The Choice

2011-11-02T23:30:00.001-05:00

Every morning I have a choice.
It determines the rest of my day.
my mood, my attitude,
and the way I will react
to everything that comes my way.
This choice carries over to my children as well,
in all that they say and do.
For their attitudes reflect the ones of their mother
and their mother affects their moods.

My choice lies between the sheets of my bed,
where I lie cozy, all comfy and warm.
Will I choose today to die to myself
and give up sleep to spend time with my Lord?
Or will I choose to be awakened,
grumpy and delaying
into another day of shouting,
bickering, and complaining
all the while wondering why on earth I chose this path
when a more fulfilling way lies in this one choice that I have.

For when I wake with the Lord,
and I give my time to him,
there is a refilling of the Spirit within me.
There is peace. There is joy.
Purpose with every question,
and boundless opportunity.
Discipline is done with humility,
a good attitude, and a calm disposition.
Time exists that never would have otherwise.
And I am able to not just speak, but also listen.
Joy is found in everything that I do.
I sing as I fold laundry.
I hum while doing dishes, and my children sing along.
Less bickering, less shouting.

though chaotic at times, I love my job.
and I'm content at the end of the day.
No headache, no backache, but excitement and joy
And all of this because I woke up to pray?

So why would I choose the bed,
when I know dying to self is gain?
Why does hitting snooze seem so wonderful
when it ruins my day?
I'm learning to say no
to my comfy bed and sheets.
And arising to spend time with the Lord
as my beautiful children sleep.
And the more time that I spend with Him,
the better off I'll be.
For my children's example of following Christ
lies entirely within me.

Is Grass Growing in Your Path?

2011-10-26T16:41:00.001-05:00

I feel like I've been challenged a lot lately. No; stop; let me re-phrase that. I have been REALLY challenged by A LOT of different things.

1. I've been challenged by something that has always seemed to be a mystery to me, Baptism of the Holy Spirit, and I have been earnestly seeking out what Scripture says, rather than man. What is the difference between being baptized by the Holy Spirit - and how is that different than being filled with the Holy Spirit? When does this Baptism take place? When does the filling take place? Is it something that happens separate from salvation, or does it happen at the same time? Why, when I read scripture, does Paul talk about it happening when we receive Christ - being sealed with the Holy Spirit - yet in Acts, there are times that it's an entirely separate thing? Why are there so many different/conflicting opinions about all of this?
But just like scripture says, we will find Him when we seek him with all of our heart. He has clarified that whole thing to me, which has been (for real) something I have been wrestling with for years. About 4 or 5 years actually. The wrestling came to it's highest point this summer - probably so that I was good and ready for His answer that I received this Fall. Praise the Lord! If I have learned anything from this it is that you really CAN NOT take one (or sometimes even several) passages of scripture and turn a narrative into something that is normative. You HAVE to take ALL of scripture as a whole...and see what it is that God was really doing/saying. Sometimes I have a hard time seeing/grasping the BIG picture...and that's when it gets scary - because that's when I start to see "contradictions" that really aren't contradictions at all. (if you're interested in what I found - I'll be more than happy to share.)

2. I've been challenged by the overwhelming amount of idols in my life. My BSF leader was talking about how believers in Africa will go out of their homes and walk to a garden or other specified area to pray every day. After a while, the person will wear a path on the way to their prayer place. But if a person stopped going to their prayer place to meet with God, their path would naturally start growing grass back where it was once worn. As a form of rebuke between believers, one believer may say to another "Is grass growing on your path?"
Then she posed the question "Is there grass growing in YOUR path?" And the other question was "And where are you going so much that you are wearing a path down?" In other words, am I wearing a path to my computer? to my TV? to my hobbies? even to church - but letting grass grow on my path that leads me to time alone with the Lord? Am I seeking the Lord above all else, or am I seeking everything else above the Lord?
Idols are everywhere and can take the form of anything. Anything that takes our eyes off of the One who gives abundant life.
I've been slapped in the face with a few of these over the past couple of months - and when I've given things up, I've seen just how much of a hold on me they have had. It's kinda scary, really. Just an example: I gave up Facebook and Blogging for a while - and I realized just how much I was caring about other's acceptance/approval and opinions about me. umm...ridiculous! I never really thought I cared... I also realized what I was really doing - avoiding my Lord. And for the first week - it was scary just how much I thought about getting on the computer. seriously? I really had no idea how much it affected me. But as time went on, and I spent more time with Jesus, and more time doing things that really mattered, the less I cared about it. Amazing. Kinda like the book "You Are Special" by Max Lucado.

3. I've been kicked in the gut about the true cost of discipleship. Neil and I are reading a book called "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He definitely doesn't pull any punches, walk around on eggshells, or do anything else cliche'. I'll post on this one later, but let me just say this: we try to read between the lines in our Bibles so much that we more times than not convince ourselves that Jesus is saying something entirely different than what he actually said. Neil and I have been challenged for 2 years now about that - and we have been seeking out what being a disciple should REALLY look like. The more we read Scripture, the more unsettled we become about our part in the American Church - and how it doesn't seem to line up with Scripture. We are willing to change, but lack vision and wisdom, I suppose...as well as a definite calling. We are seeking that out, and this is one of the ways that the Lord is showing us the very delicate balance between living in America and being a disciple of Jesus...so that we aren't vomited out of Jesus' mouth when we finish up our time on earth. But sometimes it just feels like a dagger in the gut to NOT ride the fence. Dying to self. Discipleship. It isn't as easy as our pastors make it sound. It costs us everything.

On that note - Have a great day! :)

Mainstay Farm

2011-10-22T23:46:00.001-05:00

We headed out somewhere close to the middle of nowhere - about 45 minutes away from us - to Mainstay Farm. What a fabulous way to welcome Fall! It was a beautiful day. Although the temperature was up in the 80's, we had a nice cool breeze...and I got a bit of a sunburn...in October. Is that possible?
(oh, and we actually remembered the good camera...even remembered to charge the battery...but the battery was left at home on the computer desk. oh no! so, you'll have to excuse my non-iphone camera capabilities with these pictures.)

The kids had a lot of fun. They jumped on the jumping "pillow":

Played on the slides and playhouse:

Drove some pedal-carts:

Bella got her face painted:

And of course, we got some pumpkins.

We didn't have time for everything (like a hay-ride), but we had a lot of fun. It was definitely a Saturday well-spent with the family. Going back next year is a must!

Where was Isaiah through all of this?

Yes...he's asleep on my back. This is the most incredible wrap technique I have found yet. Isaiah took a nice 2-hour nap like this! Even better - I had my hands free to help with the other two kids, and it didn't hurt my shoulders or back like crazy. I didn't feel like I needed to re-adjust him and I didn't feel like I just "couldn't take it anymore" at any time...for 2 hours...while he was sleeping...in and out of sun and shade and walking around everywhere, going uphill and downhill, etc. seriously amazing. want to learn how I did it? Go to http://www.wrapyourbaby.com/ and check out the link for back carries - there are some videos that show how to do it. I used my Moby wrap this time around (with much help from Neil), but I think I'd rather have a non-stetchy wrap. I've never really "gotten" the Moby wrap - it's never really felt tight enough or secure enough to go hands-free. Perhaps it's more in the technique. The moby worked fine...but it's too long for this purpose...I had to wrap it around my body a time or two with the extra fabric just to keep it out of the way. Anyway, if you like to wear your baby, you should check this out. Seriously great!

Isaiah - 7 months

2011-10-20T21:23:00.002-05:00

Well, at 7 months, Isaiah is experiencing a lot of firsts.

1. Eating solid food. We started trying to give solids at just over 6 months, but it's taken a little bit to figure out how to do it this time around. So I'll say he officially started at about 7 months. His first food was squash. I'm not sure Isaiah knew what was coming.

But after a while, he got the hang of it. Now we've had squash, pears, sweet potatoes. We've attempted peas, but his belly didn't like them...and we've tried oatmeal, but at this point he's gagging on it - and this kid has a pretty strong gag reflex, I've learned. not good. But now he's at a point that he sees the jar and gets excited - and sees eating solids as actual food. Sometimes I wonder if he likes it better than milk...we will see.

2. Isaiah started rolling back to tummy at about 6.5 months. It's like one day he was kinda working on it, and the next day he had it. End of story.

Now, he's rolling all over the living room, turning himself in circles on his tummy, and getting stuck everywhere. He's been trying to scoot and push off with his knees a bit, and will push up on his hands, but he hasn't figured out how to put the two together. He's definitely wanting to move around a lot more than the other two did, and IS moving more than the other two were at this point. I've never had a baby use rolling as a mode of transportation before...until now. We'll see when he starts crawling. I'm betting on 9 months to the day like the others...but he could surprise me.

3. Another physical milestone: Sitting alone. It took me a while to figure out if Isaiah really could sit on his own. He's so active that he would constantly move around - throw himself back, or reach for something and do a face-plant - he just wouldn't stay still enough to be able to improve his balance. Even in the Bumbo seat, he would be trying to reach for something on the floor next to him, so he'd eventually get really twisted up and kinda hanging out of the thing. But I finally figured out what to do: put something in front of him that can't move! And lo and behold - the kid could sit up on his own so long as he was occupied!

Here he is playing with Balian. I took the top off of an activity table and put it on the floor - and he's loved it!

Along with being able to sit up, comes a lot more fun. Isaiah got to try out the toddler swing for the first time.

(this picture was taken by Bella, by the way.)

Today he even experienced a Chick-fil-A high chair for the first time. Both made possible because of a little genius contraption by Ikea that wraps around his body to support just a bit when the thing he's sitting in is kinda big. Fabulous. And I bought it for less than I could make it for...like $4. Another reason I love Ikea. :)

We also had our first "Fall" day!! It has been fabulous weather the past couple of days, and we are taking advantage of it by playing outside as much as possible!

Other than milestones and all kinds of firsts, this little man is such pure joy! His smile is absolutely contagious, he's extremely ticklish, and his laugh is fabulous. He LOVES his brother and sister, seems to put up with everything the two of them pull on him, and just seems to be a pretty stinkin' adaptable kid. I've heard that's pretty normal with a third child. They learn to be adaptable because of having to tote around or cater to the older two kids. Whatever the case, he's a great baby.

I love this age too! I just wish I could slow everything down. Time seems to be going by so much more quickly this time. Perhaps it's because of being focused on the other two kids as well. Or maybe I just want to keep Isaiah little so that I can take it all in and treasure every moment, since he most likely will be my last baby. I just love this little guy. God is good and has blessed us to overflowing!

2 Years

2011-10-18T17:19:00.001-05:00

I have to say that I absolutely LOVE this age! Most people may think I'm crazy. Yes, there are definitely some "2" kind of moments... like saying "Balian, come here please" and you look up and he's got a big grin on his face while he runs away from you. lovely. Or you ask him to do something and he either flat-out says no, or uses the slightly kinder version of the same thing. "I don't want to."
But despite those areas of disobedience that need help, I really love this age. Kids are just a sponge at this age - learning and absorbing SO much. Balian is definitely no exception.

His vocabulary is definitely improving everyday. It's like everyday he says something new or figures out how to say something correctly - or at least more correct. As vocabulary expands the fun really begins! I begin to see the fruit of my labors. Before kids talk, you teach them things and you have no idea if they understand a lick of what you're saying. I have always been in the mindset of talking to my kids as if they can understand everything perfectly from the beginning. And when they start talking, I just love how they start spewing out everything you have been teaching them. Because Balian has been right there during school time with Bella, he's learning a TON of stuff!!

He is now counting to 10 - and is recognizing a lot of those numbers. If he's counting and stops and gets messed up or something, I can show him a number flashcard, and he recognizes it and gets back on track. Pretty crazy.

He's continuing to do well with his letter sounds. The same rule applies here as with the numbers. He tends to do better if he sees the letter, rather than just asking him what a certain letter says. Perhaps he's like me and is more of a visual learner vs. an auditory learner. At times, Bella will have a brain glitch and forget a letter sound...and I'll say "Hey Balian, can you tell Bella what Y says?" and he says the sound. Now, he's starting to spit out the letter names too. (And LOVES to sing his alphabet song - what he can say of it anyway) This is good and bad. Good, because it's good for him to know them. Bad, because he's starting to get confused between the name and the sound. I'm confident he'll get it all worked out - especially as he's listening and participating in school time with Bella this year.

Balian also already knows all of his colors. I have a flip-book that I made where each page has a circle cut out of construction paper - then glued to a 6x6" square of poster-board, laminated, and holes punched at the top. Balian can look at them like a book, or I can take the rings off, and lay them out on the floor so that we can do "color games." And he LOVES doing this. I'll just set all the pages out, then ask him to pick up a certain color and give it to me. Or, I'll tell him to stand on a certain color - or point to a certain color. Or I'll point to a color and ask him what it is. If he can't say it, I'll go over the name with him and ask him to try to repeat the name - to improve his vocabulary as well.

He's doing well with sorting as well. When he's working on his lacing beads - he will tend to choose one shape of beads and lace all of the ones of that shape. I noticed this the other day and thought it was really neat...so now, we'll be working more on that.

He's learning his shapes too. He knows circle, square, oval, star, and triangle. we're just working on solidifying this and learning some more difficult ones like hexagon, etc.

Aside from school, Balian LOVES music. He loves to sing, and he's started trying to sing and "play piano" at the same time. His BSF teacher noticed how much he was enjoying the music/worship time in class. Just like his mama, he seems to always have a song in his head. Jesus love me, the B-I-B-L-E, Jesus loves the little children, All through the night, All things bright and beautiful, twinkle twinkle little star, the itsy bitsy spider...the list could go on and on of songs that he sings all the time. Right now his favorite is from VeggiTales (we listen to a CD in the car from Chick-fil-A) "When I share, I get my share of friends. Dodododo...yeah!" ha.

Balian is also our funny-man. He's always finding some way to make Neil and I laugh - or hide from us or Bella so that when we walk by he can say "Boo!" He is a really happy kid. The only things that get in the way of that happiness are discipline and food. He's our foodie too. He LOVES to eat! If you've got something, he wants some too. It doesn't matter if he just had a full meal that was more than an average kid his age eats... seriously high metabolism, I guess...because he's definitely not fat! He must be like his daddy.

The other thing about Balian is his love for everyone. He is so loving and caring toward everyone. He is definitely a man's man. He is much more apt to go to an adult male than female. Whether it's Poppie or PopPop, or the men at church, or Mr. Charles next door, or an older man at the grocery store. He will go to/ say hi to/ask to be picked up by...men.
And of course, he loves his siblings to pieces. Somehow he can get SO mad at Bella (because she's pestering him, as usual), yet never tire of playing with her. a 5 minute break is all he needs if they really get into it. And with Isaiah - yes, I have to tell him not to sit on his brother : / but other than that, he just loves to go up to him and give him hugs and kisses and laugh with him. And the love is definitely reciprocated. I hope so much that they continue to be close as time goes on.

So that's the scoop on Balian. There are times that I think I can't believe he's 2...then I think gosh - he's only 2? But really, I don't care about the age. I love him to pieces. And I just love watching him learn, explore, and grow.

The Party

2011-10-14T23:15:00.002-05:00

The front of the Invitation

Silly Bella. Balloons don't go on your thumbs!

Although Balian's birthday was September 15, we had his party on the 24th. It was nice. We got to kick back, relax, and just enjoy friends and family...oh, and celebrate Balian's birthday as well.

We hung out in the backyard, let the kids play, ate burritos, and watched Balian open his gifts of all things CAR :)

We even ate a car. I mean cake.

And unlike Bella, Balian wasn't afraid - He's got the whole blowing out candles thing down. He's a pro.

And aren't his dimples adorable when he's blowing out candles. I think so :)

Happy Birthday, Balian!

I'm Back...Now to update like mad...

2011-10-11T22:15:00.000-05:00

So what have we been up to?

BSF started back up for the year
BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) started in September. I love BSF because it really encourages me to get into the Word. It's also so good for the kids. When Balian hears the word "Bible" he now says "Twoo Wud", because he is learning that the Bible is God's True Word. Today he brought me a bible, and I said "Balian, do you have a Bible?" He nodded yes and said "Twoo Wud." I said "Yes, it is God's True Word. What are you reading about?" Without hesitation he said "Jesus...on cross." I love it! (Of course, I know this is more than just BSF - I just love to see them soaking in everything. It's such an important time for teaching and molding!)
I'm really at this wrestling point right now. Just wrestling with God's Word about something specific...that just so happened to be what we studied the very first lesson of BSF (coincidence? Not likely...) However, my wrestling wasn't finished after studying that lesson...and although it caused me to dig even deeper in God's Word for the Truth, it caused me to get frustrated with the BSF study, because the conclusion that they came to for the answer didn't line up with what I was seeing in scripture. I know this is totally ok, because well...I'm still wrestling. I've never been one to take man's word for it. I've always been the student that sunday school teachers hate to have. I ask a million questions - ask Why? and Where do you find that? over and over... Because of this, I'm confident that I will continue to learn a lot this year, even if it is simply because the BSF study causes me to dig deeper into the Word - which is always a good thing. In the meantime, I'm still wrestling :)

We started a new home school curriculum with Bella
As I was doing my own thing with Bella during the summer, and as I was gearing up for what I was going to do with her this year for school, I was realizing more and more how ahead she was with her academics. Up to this point, I've just been going at her pace - challenging her with something new once she had a concept down. I started looking at some math games, etc. at a Teacher Aids store and was looking at all the Pre-K stuff and saying "seriously...Bella is way beyond this." Even with some Kindergarten stuff, it seemed really easy. So then I started looking up what a kid needs to know before and after Kindergarten, and I realized that she is definitely ready academically for Kindergarten...if not something more advanced. I decided to go with Kindergarten, mainly because I didn't want to push her too hard - I wanted to make sure it was fun for her, but not too easy as well. So I started looking at curricula, and decided on My Father's World. Some stuff still seems a bit easy for her, but I like the way the curriculum is set up, and it just seemed like a logical flow with good activities, and everything kinda spelled out for me (definitely a good thing). It doesn't take all that long to do, so there's time left to do other activities with her that I want to do...and I'm able to easily incorporate the curriculum into our "circle time" and all that. So far I really like it, and I'm able to include Balian in a lot of our activities as well, which is always a plus :)

I got Salmonella...or at least something like it
As everybody was leaving our house after celebrating Balian's birthday, I started feeling really bad. A couple days later, still not totally over this stuff, we hear about the Listeria outbreak. Nope, hadn't had any cantaloupe, but the symptoms were pretty much exactly the same. They also seemed just like the symptoms that Bella had when she had Salmonella when she was like 15 months old. Two words. Not. Cool. Amazingly enough, I was able to stay hydrated enough that I was able to continue breastfeeding throughout being sick. On my worst day, Neil would bring me Isaiah to feed him, and when I was done feeding him, I would just give him right back, roll over, and go back to sleep. I know that it's pretty much impossible to go throughout life without being exposed to something like this. Our immune systems can handle a lot. My immune system just must have been down for some reason. I'm always SUPER careful when I cook - I separate contaminated stuff from the stuff that isn't - I wash my hands about a million times - I wipe down counters like crazy - you name it. Just a fluke thing. Took about a week to get over, and probably another week to really be back to normal. Not exactly the best way to lose those last 5 lbs. of pregnancy weight, but oh, well...

I've been trying to use my time more wisely
Do you ever have those realizations of how much time you're wasting doing something that ultimately doesn't matter? That was me. I mean really...I say I don't have time to get such-and-such done...but then I'm wasting time on Facebook? It was really much worse than even that. There's so much more than the time factor as well. Looking for others' approval. Spending more time online than in the Word. I just really felt convicted about a LOT. So that's why I took a break. It was much needed. Good time with Jesus. Lots of time devoted to other things I had been neglecting. I'm praying what I have learned continues to guide my actions and my thoughts.

Balian turned 2 and Isaiah is 7 months...keep your eye out for more on these later! :)

A Break

2011-08-27T12:35:00.000-05:00

Taking a much-needed break from the blog and Facebook for a while...

sorry :(

There are much better ways to use my time.

"Good, better, best.
Never let it rest
until your good is better and your better is best."

Fruit of the Spirit?

2011-08-23T16:28:00.001-05:00

Have you ever looked back and reminisced about an earlier time in your life when you felt more holy? I find myself doing that a lot. I look back at my days in college. I think "Now that's what living for Jesus looks like!" I think about being on leadership team at the Wesley Foundation. I think about doing spontaneous worship at the park, meeting with my accountability girls, going to small group, studying God's Word, doing servant evangelism, and not being shy about meeting new people and talking to them about the Lord. I was in a place where I was ready to drop everything for the purpose of spreading the Gospel. My senior year I was seriously looking into doing a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) and just going wherever the Lord lead me from there. I was sold out.
Then, I wake up to my life today. I've been married for a little over 5 years, and I'm a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids all 4years and under. I wake up to the sound of little ones squealing and playing, so I stomp into their room and say "Don't you realize that your brother is still sleeping? quiet down!" My famous words are "stop that! be nice! say you're sorry. come here. go to time out. what are you doing? no hit. no kick." and my activities include cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, changing diapers, nursing the baby, grocery shopping, disciplining, teaching school, and the like.
What happened to being on fire for God?

I have a problem. It's called selfishness.

When I look back at my life in college, for some reason, I forget to look at the fact that I was the one and only person that I was responsible for... and the selfish person inside of me thinks that means that life was better. easier. and I could do a heck of a lot more for the Kingdom.

Oh, I've seen those women - some of them my friends - that seem to "get" this whole motherhood thing. They honestly see the joy in raising their kids - are never bitter, harsh, or resentful - and have such peace about simply being a stay-at-home mom and nothing more at the moment - because their children are their mission field.
Oh, that I was that person! Instead, I have to admit that I have been the opposite. frustrated. resentful. bitter. wishing for something "better". I've had this almost constant headache and backache that I feel when I'm stressed out. my attitude stinks. I keep thinking of what I can do outside of my home to serve the Lord. Who can I serve? What can I do? And I keep thinking that I'm lacking purpose. If only I had some grand purpose for the Kingdom, then maybe I could stop feeling so frustrated. Maybe I could actually pour out what has been coming in, so that I can stop going stale.

Then one day it started hitting me. I was thinking about the Fruit of the Spirit.

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Then I started thinking....
I tell my children that we should love one another...but am I good about showing THEM love? In the way they feel loved?
I ask Bella to obey in a happy way, but am I cheerfully serving them today?
Am I at peace with where I am right now?
I tell Bella and Balian to be patient for this or that, but am I patient with them...or do I tell them to hurry up and do, well...everything?
I tell them to be kind, but am I an example of kindness or do I snap at them for little things?
I tell them that they need to obey mommy and daddy so that they can learn to obey God, but am I being obedient to what God has told me to do?
I tell Bella and Balian to be gentle with each other and with Isaiah...but am I gentle with them?
When Balian throws fits, I ask him to show me self-control...but do I show self-control when I don't get MY way?

I know that I am human, and I won't ever be perfect. But this is selfishness, pure and simple. I'm selfish with my thoughts, words, and deeds. I want to do what I want to do, and if somebody tries to change my agenda, it's not going to be pretty.
But what I've realized is that it all boils down to not understanding and living within my calling. Rather than living like my children are a Blessing, I have lived as if they are a burden. Not that I would ever say that if you asked me, but my actions have proven otherwise.

What I'm starting to really grasp, is just how intentionally God put me where I am. Because, you see, He didn't give me his blessing to go on and do YWAM. Instead, he helped me to realize that this incredible guy that had been my friend for over 3 years was the man he wanted me to marry. And he Blessed us with 3 beautiful children that He is trusting us to teach about His ways. Instead of traveling around leading worship, He opened the doors for me to lead worship wherever I have lived...Louisiana, New York, Connecticut, Georgia/Florida, Texas...with my family. And He has shown me that unless I am content with and faithful to do what He has called me to do at home, then I won't be content and faithful anywhere else either.
I forget exactly what Elizabeth Elliott said regarding this but it went something like this...If you're asking God for the next thing...how you should serve him, and you aren't getting an answer...then just do what you already know to do - the best you can do it, for His Glory.

So perhaps the reason I've been so discontented and frustrated is that I've been grieving the Holy Spirit - because I haven't been the missionary He called me to be. Perhaps instead of looking outward at what I could do for the Lord, I should simply be looking inward - making sure that my heart is where it needs to be to serve the Lord with gladness everyday I roll out of my bed and enter into my mission field of little ones. How's my attitude? Am I displaying the Fruit of the Spirit? Am I presenting the Gospel today with my actions? Am I serving cheerfully? Would he say "well done, good and faithful servant?"

My hope, and my prayer, is simply to remember that I need the Holy Spirit's help in every way imaginable in this mission field every day. To not take this task lightly. And to see that I have been Blessed with the opportunity to share the gospel everyday with these little ones that are so dear to the Father.

Lacing Beads

2011-08-18T13:49:00.002-05:00

This is really good for learning hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. Balian will lace a couple of the beads on the shoelace (and get really excited about doing them all by himself), then he'll give up and start stacking them on the carpet.

Rain

2011-08-16T14:02:00.001-05:00

After 42 days or so strait of over 100-degree weather and no rain, we were finally Blessed with a pretty good rainfall (1.5 inches) this weekend!! (As you can see - our grass needed it...)

And of course, Bella had to put on all of her rain get-up and head outside to play, just because she could! :)

Isaiah - 5 months

2011-08-10T16:45:00.001-05:00

So I was so late posting Isaiah's 4 month post that now it seems it's way too soon to be doing a 5 month post. Or maybe it's just time getting away from me in general...

I really can't believe Isaiah is already 5 months. It seems that time really is escaping me, and I'm not too happy about it :(

Right now, it's actually pretty hard to find Isaiah on his tummy. He usually rolls over in about 2 seconds after I put him down. Yes, he's been rolling for like 4 months now, but he just keeps getting faster. Now, he seems to be working on rolling onto his tummy from his back (but only for a toy...not so fond of the tummy time...).

Yup, that's more like it. We see this all the time...

Isaiah definitely takes in all of his surroundings. He loves to watch his brother and sister play and interact. He loves it so much that they will distract him from eating - and he'll crane his neck or almost do a back-bend just to see what's going on behind him! Looks like we may have yet another social butterfly...or people-watcher...we'll see...

Isaiah's Rule #1: Put all hands, feet, and other objects into your mouth.

Yes, everything finds its way into the mouth these days - he reaches and grabs whatever he can get. Yet another thing to distract him while eating. He'll grab my nose, my hair, my shirt, (I can't wear any earrings but studs), whatever he can grab while he's eating. If he's not eating, something is always in his mouth. If it isn't a toy, it's his fingers, or the burp cloth... And he's really working on getting those feet. He was able to get one last night, and was trying to get it into his mouth, but I guess he'll just have to keep working on it.

It's hard to say whether all this reaching and grabbing is the cause for eyeing everything that I eat, or if he's trying to tell me that he wants some of that too. Right now, he's satisfied with just milk. I'm not really sure how much weight he should be gaining on average right now, but he's only gained about half a pound in the past month. I know they start to slow down on weight gain at some point...and I just can't go by the other two kids at all right now because everything is so different with Isaiah. He's doubled his birth weight, and I know that's a good sign, just not sure what I should be looking for now.

Sleep-wise, we had some issues with naps last week. It was taking me 1-1.5 hours just to get him to go down for a nap, when before we had a good routine and had NO problems at all! Turns out homeboy started swallowing a lot of air again and was just having an insane amount of burps in his belly that were not making him happy...so he wouldn't go to sleep. I'm sure I wouldn't want to either! Then, by the time we got them all out, he was so overtired that it took forever to get him down. So now, I'm back where I was before as far as burping him a LOT, but at least they are coming out eventually. So long as I start the "wind-down" process a little earlier (so I can work on getting all those burps out), he'll settle down to sleep without a hitch. And that makes for a much happier baby!

I must say that I just absolutely adore this little guy! He is truly a big bundle of joy, and I cannot imagine life without his smiling face! Thank you, Lord, that your ways are better than mine! Thank you for the joy you have given us through Isaiah!

School Time

2011-08-05T15:32:00.002-05:00

I know it's still summer, but we've been "Back to School" for about 2 weeks now. We took a couple of months off while Isaiah was really little, but now that we've settled into a pretty good routine with him, school is back in session!

Balian does "circle time" with Bella and I. He sits on the carpet (on his circle or star...which he loves to show me where they are on the carpet) while we do days of the week, months of the year, today's date, counting, memory verses, a Bible story, and other stuff. Even though he can't say the days of the week, he can hum along to the song. He wants to count, but so far only says number 2. Bella did the same thing...so no biggy. He also sings the tune of the ABC song, but isn't saying the letters yet. It'll come in time. That's why we do lots of repetition.

With Balian, I pretty much just let him do whatever at this point. If he wants to take part in circle time, great. If he gets distracted or wants to do something else, that's fine too. I don't expect him to sit still and pay attention at this point - that's just not possible. Right now, for him, play is much more important. And if he learns something in the midst of play - that's even better :)

Here's what Bella did this week:

Bella put her numbers (1-10) in order

or...not so correct...I think #3 has 2 counters
and #8 has like 18. o well.

then, she put the correct number of "counters" under each number

I started introducing her to the basic concepts of addition, using the same counters...which she looked at me like "duh mom...2 and 2 is 4 - see...1, 2, 3, 4"...so apparently we need to step it up a bit, or I need to figure out a better way of teaching.

She practiced writing her capital letters A, B, C, D, and E

We worked on learning the sight words: the, is, a, & and...as well as words with the "short a" sound.

AND...Bella officially read through her first Phonics Reader!! Woohoo!

Our memory verse for the week:
"Serve the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs" Psalm 100:2

Our Bible time:
God Creating the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1.

I'm working on a lot right now to get our "school room" ready. More to come on that...

Isaiah - 4 months

2011-07-25T17:05:00.002-05:00

So this is a little late - normal for me, I suppose ;)

Isaiah had his 4-month check-up and here's the stats:
weight - 12 lbs. 9 oz.
height - 24.5 inches

Dr. Arouse said that he was very happy with his weight, and that he was a very proportionate baby. He's definitely not the rolly-polly baby that Balian and Bella were, but he's definitely healthy.

Eating and Sleeping:
During the day, Isaiah eats about 4 times per day - about every 4 hours or so. He usually takes one good, long nap (like 2+ hours) another nap that's a bit shorter (1.5 hrs.) and sometimes a catnap in the evenings, but sometimes not, depending on how the afternoon nap went.
At night, he gets his last feeding at about 8pm, goes right down to sleep (even though he's fully awake when put in his bed) and sleeps until about 8am - sometimes longer (like today, when I had to wake him up at 9am!!)
Don't let the amount of feedings fool you though - this kid can eat! In fact he eats so much first thing in the morning, that I am HURTING when I wake up. I was wondering why my body wasn't adjusting to him going longer at night...then after a couple of weeks, I started hurting WORSE in the morning. Then, I realized that the reason my body wasn't compensating was because he was actually emptying out my supply in the morning...I pumped to find out how much that was...and I pumped out 10 oz!! I'm not sure where he puts all of that milk...
So I talked to my LC today to figure out what I can do about the pain in the morning...she gave me some ideas - pump before I go to bed - or if that doesn't help to wake up at like 3am and pump just for relief (apparently the milk-producing hormones are at their highest levels usually between 2-5am). We'll see what helps.

Needless to say, things are going VERY well in the breastfeeding department. I am THRILLED!! I have some videos of him eating before and after his lip-tie surgery. I haven't posted them because I'm a little hesitant, but it does show the difference that it can make in a baby's latch. I'll post them if I get enough feedback to do so, otherwise, I suppose we can do without it, and you'll just have to take my word for it. But things are seriously better. no pain because of a poor latch. He's getting more milk at a time (obviously), and going longer between feedings. MUCH less gas and colicky symptoms - the gas is easier to get out and Isaiah isn't waking up from naps because of it. Reflux is something of the past. He only spits up the amount any typical baby would...unless he has a bottle and isn't burped well - which I suppose is in the "normal baby" category as well. Amazing. And it's so interesting. EVERY SINGLE woman I have talked to (since dealing with all of this) that has had breastfeeding problems in the past - yup. their kid(s) have a tongue tie or a lip tie. Yes. 100% of them. Isn't that wild? They thought they couldn't produce enough milk...or gave up because it was so painful they couldn't handle it. What a difference knowledge can make! And what a difference a simple procedure can make in a mother's emotional state (from helplessness, hopelessness, and frustration to empowerment, enjoyment, and satisfaction) and a baby's ability to breastfeed successfully!!

But so far, Isaiah, although eating a TON of milk, is completely content with milk alone. This is all so new to me. With the other two kiddos I had to start giving them cereal at 4 months on the dot. They were just not satisfied with formula alone. If he's content with just milk, then I'd rather wait until he's ready for something else, or until he's 6 months, to start solids. I really don't want to start later than that though.

on other things, I think he's teething....joy... My other kiddos started teething at 4 months (the drool...the fussiness...the restlessness during naps...the random fevers, etc...) and didn't cut a single tooth until 10.5 - 11 months. not fun. I'm not excited about this. At least knowing what is going on helps me to calm him. Teething tablets are my friend!

But one thing that is nothing but pure joy is to see my baby smile! I love that his grin is so big that takes up almost his entire face! He is seriously a happy kid - and I think he may be the loudest, most vocal kid so far at this age. He is so loud with his squeals of delight and play that sometimes Neil and I have to yell over him just so that the other can hear what we're saying! ha. I'm pretty sure that's a first.

There is definitely a mutual love between Isaiah and both of his siblings. Bella loves to play with him (although, we have to remind her to be gentle - she still just doesn't know her own strength!). She also helps me out a LOT when I'm feeding and can't do something for Balian, or she'll get me breast pads in the morning without being asked. Balian will go up to Isaiah, lie down next to him, and say "hi" over and over and just talk away to him - and share his cars with him - which is a HUGE thing. He doesn't like to share his cars with anyone - but he'll share with Isaiah. so sweet. Balian also loves to get me things for Isaiah - especially socks and bibs (because he knows where they are and he CAN get them.) He also gets upset if he hears Isaiah crying. He'll come up to me and in the most concerned voice say "Isa?" In return, Isaiah just loves to smile back at his brother and sister - and he likes to watch them interact (aka. tackle each other, etc.). It's crazy to think that it really won't be all that long until he's right there in the action with them!

The Boys

2011-07-08T23:26:00.002-05:00

I have to say that I love, love, love having boys! Before I got pregnant with Bella, because I had helped my mom out so much with my brothers, I was actually scared of having a girl. Ha. Then, once I had Bella around for a while, I was so used to having a girl that I wondered what I would do with a boy...
but oh...how I love my boys!

Balian

We have had a major accomplishment last week. Balian went 5 days without ANY accidents!! Over the past couple of weeks, he's gotten better and better and had a couple of days where we just had one or two accidents, but we've never had an entire day without one - and now, all of a sudden, we had 5! The big change: We pulled out the little potty again. Apparently it's been so long since he'd sat on it that he forgot that he hated it...and decided that he liked it. He gets really excited about seeing what he did, that sometimes we have to remind him that he needs to finish going first. Ha! He is by no means going entirely by himself, but we're making steps in that direction. He's helping pull his pants down and pull them up...and with using the little potty now, hopefully it won't be long until he can go on his own, but for now, we're celebrating dryness.
Balian has been wearing real underwear during the day at home, which have his favorite thing on them - Cars! So, after he went 2 days of keeping his "cars" all-dry, we watched the movie Cars (he'd never seen it before). Of course, through the entire hour and a half of the movie we hear "Ca, ca!" (car, car) over and over again...he was so excited!
The bad news is that on day 6 I was reminded that just because a kid is "potty- trained" doesn't mean there won't be accidents...and some days will be better than others...and any little change in their day can make things worse. oh, and resistance can rear its ugly head as well...and they may just decided that they don't like the little potty again...oh well. at least I know that the end of potty training my second-born is around the corner somewhere...just not sure how long that corner is...

Balian is also starting to speak a little better. He's actually trying to repeat what we say, instead of just grunting and calling it good like he has been. We've tried to encourage him to repeat what we say, but he was having a pretty hard time. After I started doing flashcards with him (just before Isaiah was born) we definitely saw a huge improvement with what letter sounds he could say. Now we're at the point that there are only a couple letter sounds he can't say. But what's even better than that - he not only can say the sounds, but he knows what letter makes what sound. He doesn't know all of them yet, but we're working on it...here's a video:

Isaiah
It took about 2 weeks to notice the big differences in Isaiah after he got his lip-tie lasered, but now I am completely confident that we made the best choice in getting it done. Not only is he latching on better and getting more milk at each feeding - He's now going longer between feedings because of more milk AND he is no longer waking up during his naps because of gas! He is also a LOT easier to get down for naps in the first-place. He is no longer being swaddled, and will put himself to sleep after some wind-down time of a diaper change and reading a book. He loves his "lovey" bear blanket that was given to us by our friend Tricia, and he snuggles with it as he goes to sleep.
I think I've figured out that because of this, I have an additional 4 hours a day (if not more!) that I didn't have before - to spend with the other kids - or actually have some "me" time. That is seriously a lot of time if you think about it! Not to mention how much less stress I have now. When your baby won't go to sleep because of gas...or is waking up constantly because of it - it can be emotionally draining and really stressful.
I am so, so thankful that we got all of this figured out! Thank you, Jesus, for directing our paths!

I'll post more on Isaiah later - after his 4-month check-up. For now, here's a picture of his first day in the "jumper."

Fabric!!!

2011-07-01T11:18:00.001-05:00

So, I ordered a TON of supplies for diaper-making, and they arrived the other day! I'm super-excited! I haven't received all of it, because some stuff was on back-order, but here's what I've got:

For the fitted diapers/ inside of AIO diapers, we have 100% organic cotton fleece in Natural. The good thing is that unlike most "natural" cotton cloth diapers you get, this fabric comes pre-scoured (de-gummed/oiled), so you don't have to wash it 5+ times to get it ready for use. I'll wash it once before I cut diapers out of it, so really, after they're made, the diapers won't HAVE to be pre-washed at all - unless you just want to wash them.

Next, we have PUL (waterproof fabric) for covers and the outside layer of AIO diapers. From left to right, we have Chocolate (some, but not a lot), purple, White, Aqua, Red, and Spring Green.

I can do 2 layers of PUL for a cover, or I can do one layer of PUL on the inside, and cute cotton prints on the outside:

Chocolate dots, 123s, Multi-dots, and Flowers

What you can get:
Fitted diapers (snaps and thread match - based on size)

Covers - either 2 layers of PUL or PUL on the inside and cotton print on the outside.

AIO diapers (fitted diaper and cover are all-in-one piece) I can do side-snap or front snap.

Sizes:
NB (up to 10 lbs.), M (10-20 lbs.), and L (20-30 or so lbs)
Also, I can do one-size, which is essentially the size L with lots of adjustments to make it fit from NB+ - but like all one-size diapers, they won't fit AS well as the sizes - and the smaller the baby is, the more bulky they will be because of the extra fabric that wouldn't be on the smaller sizes.

I haven't set up my Etsy shop yet. My thought was to make a bunch of stuff, then set up shop and sell it. But, I've already had some people (friends) put in some orders that I'll be working on.

Also, I've had some people just donate money toward what I'm doing, and because of this, I'll be sending some diapers to Romania in about a week! I found out about this opportunity only a week ago, so I won't be able to do as much as I would like, but I'll be sending some...and maybe I can send more to the same place as time goes on.

Anyway, I'm excited! Now, to sew like mad...

Discoveries, Confirmations, and School

2011-06-30T15:23:00.003-05:00

I made a fabulous discovery this past week. Well, I say that. Really, I've known it all along, but it was definitely confirmed this week. Here it is:

About 90% of Bella's disciplinary problems stem from boredom - lack of cognitive challenge and/or physical and metal stimulation.

I mean really, I've known this. The kid will wander around the house or follow me around like a puppy dog...drives me crazy... I'll tell her to go find something to do, but playing just isn't enough for her. And let's be honest - I have been horrible about challenging her. Yes, we've done "school" but not super-consistently. And once Isaiah came - yeah...didn't happen. Anyway, so on Thursday I decided to do an experiment (on my children...mwah-ha-ha!) I was going to have Bella and Balian paint, but Bella said she wanted to do play-dough...so they did play-dough at their "little table" while I was feeding Isaiah...(the first time I've included Balian) and lo and behold - they played together! they shared! there was no fighting! Bella was actually helping her brother, and Bella probably worked on play-dough for a good hour or so. seriously. Then, I tried to make a point of letting Bella do as much as she could all by herself. She made her own sandwich for lunch, cleaned up her own messes, and helped me with various things (not that she doesn't do these things on a typical day...just trying to over-emphasize it). That afternoon, I pulled out the mega-blocks, and Bella built towers for over an hour that afternoon.
Over the course of the entire day I had little to no disciplinary problems with her. I know that all of these activities seem elementary for her, but the point was that she needs direction to get her started on something, but once she got started, she would work diligently for over an hour without a fuss, a fight, or wandering around aimlessly...

The odd thing is that I suppose I have been wandering pretty aimlessly myself, so to speak. I mean, I've had this idea of what I want "school" to look like, but I haven't been able to achieve it. I tried getting a curriculum, but every day as I'm looking over the activities for the day, most of it wasn't challenging for Bella at all. And I am so not good at coming up with my own activities - that takes a special kind of creativity, and I don't have it. I actually was thinking about giving up the whole homeschooling thing for this next year and enrolling Bella into a PK-4 class. I was actually looking at some websites for some local places...but I couldn't seem to find what I was looking for. Then, just out of curiosity, I checked out the Montessori schools - and I realized then that my whole way of doing things (teaching, potty training, etc.) all seemed to be rooted in this "Montessori" approach. The ironic thing is that over a year ago my mom had given me a book called "Teaching Montessori in the Home" - I just never took the time to look at it. So I suppose a lot of my ideas about potty training and teaching my kids in general have stemmed from my mom's way of doing things, which came from the Montessori approach. Totally makes sense. The more I looked into teaching Montessori at home, the more I liked it - and the more I saw that I really could do it - and how perfect it is for ALL of the kids, because it is supposed to be used in a context of multiple ages.
So now, we have a plan for next year (or as soon as we can set it up) that is much less stressful, and much more challenging for Bella. It helps her to work at her own pace and teaches her to become self-disciplined in all that she does.
In the meantime, I'm trying to incorporate as much of the Montessori approach into everything that we do here, at home, as much as I can. Now that I know what I want, I have much more direction (and motivation) to do it.

This week we've done a lot of "small" things.
Building towers with blocks:

And learning how to set a table properly:

Bella also learned her months of the year and can officially count by 10's on her own. It always amazes me how much more easily kids learn when you put something into a song. We learned the months of the year to the tune of "5 Little Indians." The words all fit (if you add a couple of "and"s in there)and she learned it in about a day. Works for me!

January, February, March, and April
May, June, July, and August
September, October, and November
December

Tongue Ties and Breastfeeding - Part 3

2011-06-20T15:53:00.001-05:00

Today we went to Ft. Worth to see Dr. Cole about Isaiah's lip tie. After looking him over, asking a lot of questions, and explaining all of the issues that it can cause, he said it boiled down to 2 questions:
1. "Is he gaining enough weight?"
2. "Are you experiencing any discomfort while nursing?"

The answer to the first question was yes. He's been gaining weight well ever since he got his tongue clipped. However, the answer to question #2 was yes as well. I've still been having a lot of soreness while nursing.

Essentially, it boils down to if the lip tie is causing symptoms in either mom or baby. If the baby has a lip-tie, but there are no symptoms in either the baby or the mom, then it doesn't need to be clipped. However, if the baby or the mother are symptomatic, then it should be clipped to help with the nursing difficulties. However, just as I have stated before, he explained that a baby can be symptomatic even if they aren't breastfeeding. They can have just as hard of a time with a bottle as well - if not more so (like Balian did).

*side-note - I really liked Dr. Cole. He isn't a pediatric dentist, but rather a holistic dentist. You could tell right off that he is a believer, because of his incredible Joy. Very positive and very good about explaining everything. He wanted to make sure that I knew the ins and outs of the symptoms, why the symptoms were there (how it all worked), the procedure, and what to expect (or not expect) after the procedure and healing process.

After our consultation, Dr. Cole put a swab of stuff to numb a bit on the lip tie site. A couple minutes later, I swaddled Isaiah in his swaddle blanket and laid him down on the dental chair. We all put on our "special" glasses to protect our eyes - yes, even Isaiah - and while I kinda held Isaiah still, Dr. Cole used the laser to cut Isaiah's lip tie.

The procedure itself probably took about a minute or 2 total. Isaiah cried a good amount, but only because they had to hold his upper lip up to cut the tie, which covered his nose and he couldn't breathe as well - or so he thought. As soon as the procedure was done, he stopped crying, even before I picked him up. They put some Aloe on the site to aid in the healing process, then left me to nurse him.

I immediately noticed a difference. First, he was able to get SO much more of the nipple in his mouth - so he got a deeper latch. His lip was able to flange up, like it's supposed to, and I could hardly see any of the areola - because Isaiah's mouth was covering it all! His suction felt much stronger, and as soon as I had a let-down he started choking. This totally makes sense. He was able to stimulate the areola much more, and his suck could be more efficient due to a better latch - so my flow was a lot faster than what he was used to! And that goes into the next thing - a shorter feeding! It took him about 20 minutes to eat vs. the 30-45 minutes it has been taking.

I did notice a bit of discomfort on the areola while nursing - probably because Isaiah hasn't been stimulating that part of the areola up to this point. So my nipples have been "toughened up" in the spot his mouth is usually stimulating, but because he's getting a deeper latch I'll have to kinda "re-toughen up" on the areola where he will be stimulating now. Other than that, it felt much better.

At his second feeding, he did the same thing. He actually drained the first breast in about 10 minutes, then only ate for about 5 minutes on the second side. I don't think he has ever actually drained a breast before. I usually switch sides before he does (at about the 15 minute point.) So I was amazed. I kept offering it to him again, but nope - he was done.

So, we set up a follow-up appointment, and they sent me home with instructions to stretch the lip out good with every feeding, give Tylenol if necessary, and they gave me some Aloe to put on the site a couple times a day until it healed.

Let the healing begin....

New Fitted Diapers for LoveBums

2011-06-02T22:44:00.001-05:00

So I've been experimenting with some new fabrics and new techniques for some of my diapers. I think I've got a new fitted diaper down, and I'll (hopefully) be ready to sell some of these pretty soon. I finished this diaper yesterday, and I'm really happy with how it fits - so glad I have a baby to fit it on :)

Ok, so here's the stats:

This diaper is made out of 4 layers of 100% organic cotton fleece (so soft!!) - 2 diaper layers, and 2 soaker-pad layers. 100% organic cotton French Terry is another option that feels very similar - the same weight of fabric, and also very soft. They both feel like your favorite sweatshirt! Stitched and serged on edges for durability and no raveling.
6 snaps in the front.

Soaker pad is a "flap-style" - sewn in, but only on the top edge, so it "flaps" around while in the dryer, therefore drying faster.

Elastic at legs and waist, to help contain messes.

And I know you want to see this on a baby...

Isaiah is about 11.5 lbs. right now, and this is a size small that should fit 10-20 lbs. The smallest snap setting fits, but is starting to get snug.

Not super-bulky, so it's easy to move around in, but the absorbency is very good. Isaiah wet in it twice before I could even feel that it was damp, and at his normal diaper-change time, it was wet, but didn't feel totally soaked.

Hugs the legs without being too tight.

Doesn't it just make you want a fluffy bum at home?

These will sell for $10 (the French Terry fitted would be $8 - less expensive fabric). Most fitted diapers you find are well above that (about $15) for different sizes, and one-size fitted diapers are more like $20. I think that's crazy. And remember that all of my proceeds will be going toward making diapers for those that need them!!

I'll be ordering a bunch of supplies (hopefully) this week. So I'll be making these ready-to-sell very soon! :)

Let me know what you think!!

Cars

2011-05-31T09:26:00.001-05:00

Balian's new favorite obsession:

More on Tongue Ties and Breastfeeding

2011-05-21T15:23:00.002-05:00

I'm starting to feel like I'm back in college. I consider myself to be a pretty research-driven person, especially when it comes to my kids. From childbirth options to circumcision, diapering, baby routines, cereal in the bottle, environmental toxins, organic milk, vaccines, different styles and methods of parenting, and the like - I've researched it all. I feel like I should never be surprised anymore when it comes to astounding correlations between symptoms and their root causes. Oh, but I am!

The more I learn about tongue-ties and how much they affect not only breastfeeding, but so many other things, I am amazed. The more we go through all of this with Isaiah, the more I realize just how much tied tongues have impacted my life over the past 4 years. So many pieces of the puzzle are coming together. I consider myself to be one of the fortunate few that have been able to get so many questions answered.

This past weekend there was a seminar led by a pediatric dentist, Lawrence Kotlow DDS from Albany, NY. He specializes in laser dental surgery - a lot of which are tied tongues and tied lips. Although I was not able to attend, I was able to get the notes from the ladies at Edenway Birthing Center that were able to be there. It is seriously amazing.

Let's get down to basics.
The technical term for the condition of being tongue-tied is Ankyloglossia.
The tied upper lip is referred to as an abnormal maxillary lip attachment.

Ankyloglossia

Here is an example of Ankyloglossia:
This is a pretty severe one. Either a class III or class IV - probably class IV, since it's all the way to the tip of the tongue - and this is what Isaiah's looked like. He now has a line under his tongue (scar tissue) from the very tip of his tongue, all the way back.

Abnormal maxillary lip attachment

This is Isaiah's abnormal maxillary lip attachment Notice how the tie extends down the gum line to the point that it is actually indenting the gum line upward. This is the most severe classification (class IV) lip tie.

Both tongue and lip ties can be much less severe than these and still cause LOTs of problems.

Apparently the vast majority of OBs, pediatricians, and even lactation consultants don't think that a tongue-tie is that big of a deal. The medical community got out of practice of dealing with them routinely when the percentage of breastfeeding moms dropped dramatically throughout our century due to the cultural norm shifting to bottle-feeding. So for a long time, nobody diagnosed tongue-ties because people simply weren't breastfeeding...and no breastfeeding meant no issues with breastfeeding...so there wasn't an imminent need to diagnose them. Now, a lot of practitioners think that the tied-tongues will simply "stretch out" over time, and that lip ties just need to be taken care of by the time they are 3, so it doesn't interfere with oral development. However, this is not reality, and there really is so much more to it than what they think.

Problems that can occur if a tie is not treated:
Nutritional problems
colic or excessive gas
GI problems like reflux
drooling
gagging
sleep apnea
changes in sleep patterns
speech problems
tooth decay
jaw growth and development
psychological problems

Ssymptoms an infant may exhibit if they have a tie:
gagging
colic and/or gas
GI problems
tongue can not protrude past the gum line out of the mouth
tongue cannot touch the hard palate of the mouth
"poor sleeper"

So it isn't just breastfeeding that is affected by a tongue or lip tie, it's just one of the most significant means by which it is detected. Many of these symptoms - all of the infant symptoms - aren't any better when breastfeeding ceases. Bottle feeding could actually make a lot of these symptoms worse.

I remember what life was like with Bella and Balian as infants. Balian had really bad reflux. He also had gas, and was almost impossible to burp. He would be fine, but then as soon as I would lie him down for a nap he would get fussy. I knew his tummy hurt, but the question was always Why? was he hungry? was it gas? was it the reflux? He pretty much didn't nap during the day, then was so exhausted that he would poop out at night. This, combined with insufficient weight gain and latch problems (see below) made me think he would be better off on a bottle. Nope. It made it tons worse - and added a whole new spin on the already existing problems. He stopped sleeping through the night and always, always, always had gas. It was horrible. Once on the bottle for good, the pediatrician said that he didn't have reflux - he was just eating too much at each feeding - and that's why he was spitting up so much. Just FYI - Balian still can't really extend his tongue over his lip. It goes just about even with the front of his gum line (maybe a bit further) and can touch the inside of his lip, but that's as far as it goes.

And there was Bella, who shared all of the below symptoms with Balian...

Symptoms of a baby with a tie if breastfeeding:
cannot latch on
unsustained latch
slides off of nipple
prolonged feedings
unsatisfied after prolonged feedings
falls asleep at the breast
gumming or chewing on the nipple
poor weight gain or failure to thrive
unable to hold pacifier in mouth

She had every single one of these symptoms. And she doesn't even have a tied tongue - just a tied lip. She didn't seem to have the colic or sleeping issues that Balian did, but breastfeeding was not good. She did have some gas and reflux, but not to the same severity as Balian.

This time around, with Isaiah, we were looking for the tied tongue, and Isaiah's was bad - pretty much all the way to the front (tip of the tongue), causing his tongue to be heart-shaped. Even after Melody (midwife) clipped the front part of the tie, he still could not extend his tongue past his gum-line. He had all of the symptoms above, and I had all of the symptoms below, minus (praise the Lord) the infections or mastitis. I definitely had some bulging ducts, but used wet heat and massage to get them drained. After going to the ENT to get his tongue clipped, things definitely got a LOT better. He started gaining weight, my blisters went away, he was draining me more... I was still a little sore - nothing that I couldn't handle, but still wondering why I was still having some of the same symptoms associated with a tongue-tie, if the tongue-tie had been resolved...

Symptoms of the breastfeeding mom:
creased or blanched nipples after feeding: flattened
cracked, bruised, or blistered nipples: gives it up
bleeding nipples
severe pain with latch
incomplete breast drainage
infected nipples
plugged ducts
Mastitis and nipple thrush

Then we started having some big-time gas/colic issues with Isaiah...just like Balian. It started out not too bad...just some toots that he had no problem getting out - some spitting up - nothing horrible...and he was sleeping well, so it didn't bother me. Then, as he started eating more and growing, things began to change. It's like the more he eats, the more gas he has. He has gone up to 8 hrs. between feedings at night - but very few times. Even when he has gone that long, I've been up with him for as much as an hour or two at a time trying to get gas out - both burps and otherwise. Diet changes (mainly dairy) on my part haven't helped. The kid is almost impossible to burp because he has SO many in there - I could burp him forever and never get them all out. We've tried Mylicon at various times - before, during, and after feeds - and we've had no difference in outcome. Isaiah's sleeping has gotten worse over time. His naps aren't great, because he wakes up frequently needing to burp.

And the whole time I'm thinking "This is just like what happened with Balian..."
I called my Lactation Consultant, and asked her if the gas could be related to the lip tie. It was the only thing that seemed logical. She agreed completely.
The hard thing was what to do about it. It's a pretty difficult thing to find a practitioner who does tie corrections with a laser, but that's what is needed, especially with babies. Up to this point, the only person they (lactation consultants/midwives) knew that did the laser corrections was the pediatric dentist they found in NY(that led the seminar mentioned above)... yeah. That wasn't an option. Looking for a pediatric dentist or ENT that would correct the lip tie on a 2-month-old was a waste of time - most just simply won't do it. (they don't see it as necessary until they are older...like at least 3). And even if they were willing, the procedure would use anesthesia stitches, and would be pretty painful.

However, now they have just recently found another Dr. - Dr. Stacy Cole - a dentist in Ft. Worth that does lip and tongue ties with a laser. No anesthesia, no stitches, quick recovery...and pain dull enough to be handled with a normal dose of Tylenol. Not just for Isaiah, but at any age...meaning all 3 kids.

I've called and gotten more information about it. It isn't cheap - about the same cost as the ENT, but he charges the same amount, regardless of if he does just one or both of the procedures (tongue and lip tie together cost the same as just a lip or just a tongue.) Too bad we didn't know about this dentist before...but at least we know now! But really, getting the lip tie taken care of could save us a ton of time, money, and headache in the long-run. Less cavities/tooth decay - so less fillings and dental visits AND less gas/colic - meaning more sleep and a happier mommy!

So hopefully, we will be getting the issue resolved for Isaiah very soon. The other kids will have to wait a bit. I'll post more once we're on the other side...

***If you want a wealth of information about all of this, go to Dr. Kotlow's website - click on Articles - and you pretty much have all you've ever wanted to know about tongue and lip ties. He has done TONS of research on all of this - most of which has been through experience in his own practice. Seriously, check it out! Great information that you really can't get anywhere else.

2 months!

2011-05-18T15:56:00.001-05:00

Isaiah's 2-month stats:
Height: 22 inches
Weight: 9 lbs. 11 oz.

I can't believe Isaiah is 2 months old already. It's amazing how quickly time passes when you're trying to keep up with 3 kids! At home, we're pretty good - we've got a pretty good rhythm going. Outings are getting better, but I still feel pretty overwhelmed with all 3 by myself out and about at this point. I also need to work on divvying up my time with the other two kids a little better than I have been. They are just crying out for attention, and I feel like I'm either feeding or putting Isaiah down for a nap...or trying to catch-up on the motherload of housework that needs to be done that has been neglected for so long. 24 hours in a day just doesn't seem to be enough at this point. But I am celebrating the small accomplishments - last week I did all the laundry and cooked 2 times!! yeah!

Isaiah is doing pretty good. He's smiling a lot - at everybody, keeping eye contact following objects from one side to the other, holding his head up and looking strait ahead when he's on his tummy. And yes, he's still rolling over from tummy to back - both directions.

Isaiah sportin' his BabyLegs and newly made wool cover.

He's gaining weight well, averaging a little over an ounce per day. He's still nursing exclusively, and he's only had 1 bottle of breast milk. He took the bottle well, we just weren't prepared to give him as much as he needed, which made it very interesting. After that, I did a weigh/feed/weigh to figure out how much he's getting from me, and he's getting close to 6 oz.! We are still having some problems with physical abnormalities of the mouth....which I'll post more on later.

Isaiah Update

2011-04-20T12:59:00.003-05:00

We had our last appointment with Melody and crew yesterday at the Birthing Center. So sad... We did a weight check for Isaiah and with his clothes on he weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz. At home I weighed him naked and he was 8 lbs. 5 oz.
Last week at the doctor he weighed 7 lbs. 7 oz., which means that he gained a total of 14 oz. in a week! That's 2 oz. per day!! Yes, we have a growing boy!!

And speaking of growing, Isaiah is rolling over already. It actually started when he was 3 weeks old, and he's done it many times since. He is so strong at such a young age! Now, he's actually starting to kinda scoot himself backward a bit when he's on his tummy somehow...just crazy.
Anyway, to prove it, here's a video of Isaiah rolling - sorry for the odd angle; I couldn't get it to rotate.

Bella's New Wheels

2011-04-18T17:11:00.003-05:00

Bella got a new bike for her birthday...

Tongue Ties and Breastfeeding

2011-04-15T22:48:00.004-05:00

Breastfeeding has never been easy for me.
I had a rough time with both Bella and Balian. Different experiences, but equally as difficult. With Bella, I only lasted 2 months. With Balian, about 2.5. I wanted desperately to breastfeed, so I tried with everything I had for those 2 and 2.5 months. In the end, we ultimately decided that a happy formula-feeding mommy is better than a stressed-out breastfeeding mommy with low birth-weight babies. That decision still stung whenever people asked me about if I had breastfed my kids, and for how long...It just made me re-live the stress, the pain, the exhaustion, and the feelings of inadequacy every time.

So, this time around, I did all the research I possibly could. I learned more about technique - single side vs. double-side feeding, talked to the breastfeeding moms around me about their experiences, read articles on LaLecheLeague's website, rigged up a way to do a very accurate weigh/feed/weigh at home if needed, talked to the midwife a lot about how to deal with issues, and just hoped for the best, but prepared myself for the worst, I suppose.

When I first started midwifery care, we talked about the breastfeeding drama. The first thing Melody asked was "were they tongue tied?"
Tongue tied? I'd never heard of it, other than a figure of speech. I didn't know it actually existed as a condition - and how in the world did that relate to breastfeeding?

Melody had been trained to check for a tied tongue immediately after birth, and considering my breastfeeding history, she was definitely going to be checking. Sure enough, Isaiah had a VERY tied tongue. Heart-shaped in the front, and connected very near the front of the tongue. She didn't do anything at first, but after Isaiah's first feeding, I already had a blister on my nipple.
So, Melody cut his frenulum a bit - as much as she could with the scissors that she had with her, and said we would go from there.

This is not Isaiah. I got this picture from another blog that posted about a tongue-tied baby. But Isaiah's tongue tie was probably just as severe as this one. Notice the connection from the bottom (and tip) of the tongue to the bottom of the mouth. This is the frenulum.

The next day (Friday) we had a check-up with Melody. Isaiah's birth weight was 6 lbs. 8 oz., and now he was at 6lb. 2 oz. She wasn't super-happy with his latch, so she got better scissors and cut as much of Isaiah's frenulum as she felt comfortable cutting. She said that it looked like there was a lot more that was a lot thicker that needed to be cut, but she couldn't be the one to do it. She said to see how it went with what was cut and to go from there.

That night my milk came in and everything got 10x worse. Not only was I dealing with engorgement, but my nipples were in some serious pain. Each day got progressively worse. I got really stressed out about him not latching on right. It got to the point that I dreaded feeding Isaiah, and I was hurting so bad that I didn't want the kids to come within arm's reach when I was feeding...and there were many tears. I hated feedings. Bonding? What bonding? It was too stressful.

By Tuesday I would burst into tears at the thought of feeding him - and I cried the entire 30 minute drive to the Birth Center for my appointment with Melody. Of course, as soon as she saw me, she asked if I was ok, and I immediately shook my head no. She asked what was wrong and I responded "Just thinking about feeding him kills me." She immediately took me into a separate room to talk to me. We weighed Isaiah - 6 lbs. 2 oz. again. In the meantime, Kristin, the chiropractor, came in and started checking out Isaiah. She worked on his hard palette, because it was pretty high, and adjusted his jaw that was out of line. This definitely helped a lot. If nothing else, it helped Isaiah be able to open his mouth up wider. Melody looked at the condition of my nipples. She saw how blistered and cracked they were, gave me some nipple balm that a client's mom makes out of tons of herbs, and immediately called the lactation consultant. Dierdre agreed to meet us at the Birth Center for a consultation ASAP, which was about 2 hrs. later, since she was driving from Arlington.

The first thing Dierdre did was look at Isaiah. She didn't ask me any questions until she was finished. She concluded that Isaiah did indeed have more frenulum under his tongue that needed to get checked out by someone who could cut it. She also said that his upper lip was tied and his lower lip tight - keeping him from latching on with his lips flanged. Also, because of his tied tongue, his tongue movement wasn't great because he was moving the front of his tongue rather than the back of his tongue.
Next, Dierdre showed me how to get into the laid-back position to feed Isaiah. This, she said, would help him to get as good of a latch as he could, and because it keeps his chin steady, it would force him to use the back of his tongue more to suck, rather than using the front of his tongue and his cheeks. It definitely hurt significantly less to nurse, which told me that I could handle the pain that was there until we got the tongue issue handled.
She referred me to a Pediatric ENT in Dallas, Dr. Biovati, to get Isaiah's possible "posterior tongue tie" evaluated and potentially fixed.
She also told me that if I decided to pump that I would need a larger flange than the one that comes with the Medela pump. Apparently pumping is just like nursing - you have to stimulate a good amount of the areola to be able to get the most milk out - and to keep your nipples from being sore. The standard size would probably only get the nipple in my case. No wonder it hurt so bad to pump before!

I definitely left that consultation with hope and encouragement. Encouragement, because I didn't feel like I was doing everything wrong anymore. In the past I always thought it was me that was the problem. But (this time anyway) I was doing everything right, and the problem was something out of my control. I felt hope, because I left feeling like there was at least a glimmer of hope that I could continue to nurse Isaiah - and actually be successful at it in the end, rather than giving up like I did with the other two kiddos.

Monday, March 21 - We made it through another week - one day at a time - until we could go see Dr. Biovati. He took one look at Isaiah, and said that he definitely had a tongue-tie and that only about half of the frenulum had been cut. I held Isaiah, while Dr. Biovati used this contraption that looked like a metal tongue depressor with a slit in it to hold Isaiah's tongue in place. With one snip, Isaiah was no longer tongue-tied. He had me nurse him a bit to wash out whatever blood was present, and immediately his latch felt different.

The next day, Tuesday, we had a weight check. 6 lbs. 6 oz. He had gained about 1/2 an ounce per day. Considering the issues, not too bad!

Over the next couple of days, it seemed like things got worse. Dierdre had warned me that it may be like that for a couple of days. Isaiah had to get used to the ability to move his tongue more - and regain control of that movement. She said that it would take 36-48 hrs. typically to adjust.
It took us about a week, but at that one-week point, Isaiah started latching on a lot better, my nipples began to heal, and I was definitely in a lot less pain. Weight at this point: 6 lbs. 10 oz., so still about 1/2 an ounce per day.

The next week, he was 7 lbs. 1 oz. We're up to about an ounce per day of weight gain!!
This week, he weighed 7 lbs. 7 oz. at the doctor...again about an ounce per day!!

Things are definitely not perfect, but they're better, especially in comparison to where we were. We are not at the point of pain-free nursing yet, but like I said, it's better. There are still times that Isaiah gets lazy or is tired, and reverts back to lazy tongue-action (using the front instead of the back) which causes some soreness, but I know that over time his tongue will get stronger and using the back of his tongue won't be work anymore. We also still have the upper lip tie issue, which is causing us to still show a lot of the symptoms of a tongue tie. I've just in the past couple of days realized this, so I'm just learning about it. I read this blog, which was very helpful. It has a lot of good information from a chiropractor who has dealt with all the things we are dealing with in breastfeeding her kids.

I'm actually beginning to somewhat enjoy this whole breastfeeding thing. Definitely not loving it, but I'm not hating it either. The little accomplishments are what keep me going. I've never been excited about acne - ever - but when Isaiah broke out with baby acne, I did a happy dance, because I knew that acne meant a good dose of hormones, which meant he was getting a good amount of milk. Seeing the wrinkles in his thighs disappear a little bit at a time, watching him fill out more and more, and finding proof on the scale with consistent weight gain couldn't make me happier.
Maybe this time around I'll eventually get to experience the bonding associated with breastfeeding that I've only heard about. Perhaps we'll keep going strong and I'll be able to meet my goal of nursing for an entire year. We'll see. Right now, it's one step at a time, but I'm loving every step of the way.

Back to the question about the other two kids being tongue-tied:
Balian has a tied tongue and a tied upper lip.
Bella's upper lip is tied, but her tongue is not.

So welcome to my world of breastfeeding challenges. Praise the Lord that this time around we have had people around us to teach us about this thing called a tongue-tie. It has given me hope and demolishes the feelings of disappointment and inadequacy from not being successful with breastfeeding in the past. Knowledge is a wonderful thing!

For more general information about tied tongues go here.
For more detail, check out the blog I mentioned above.

Pictures!!

2011-04-15T22:37:00.003-05:00

1 month, 18 months, and 4 years

2011-04-13T22:16:00.001-05:00

I took all 3 kiddos to the doctor to have well checks on Monday. We have a new pediatrician now. I was so sad to say goodbye to Dr. Simpson, but she closed her practice, so we had to find a new one. We were referred to Dr. Arouse by both the midwife as well as a friend, and so far we LOVE him! He is totally worth the 30 minute drive to Cleburne! He is so good with the kids - gives them dum-dums after every visit, is very positive/encouraging (he just says things like "you're doing a great job!"), and best of all, isn't pushy about vaccines. He's totally fine with delaying them a bit if I want, especially the live ones.

As far as the visit goes, it wasn't too bad, except that we have to go up 5 floors in an elevator to get there. Balian hates elevators. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it's the funny feeling you get in your belly when it starts and stops. That's the only thing I can really think it could be. Whatever the case, he balks at even going into the elevator. This time it was so bad that he started down the hall before he even saw it - he just knew where we were headed. so sad.

All 3 kids are doing well. Here's the stats:

Bella - 4 years
Ht: 41.25 inches
Wt: 36.5 lbs.

Balian - 18 months (almost 19 months)
Ht: 33 inches
Wt: 24.5 lbs.

Isaiah - 1 month
Length: 21.5 inches
Wt: 7 lbs. 7 oz.

sorry...

2011-04-08T22:23:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...I'm wanting to get pictures of Isaiah up here. Soon, I promise.
We've had computer issues, so I've been using Neil's work laptop, which hasn't been letting me get onto the blog for some reason. Anyway, now we have the computer back and all is well...
will post soon with pictures...and stories of the past month at our house.

Life has definitely gotten more interesting...

Isaiah's Birth Story

2011-03-16T18:06:00.001-05:00

Thursday, March 10, 2011

6am - I woke up from a dead sleep to a contraction that hurt so bad I had to breathe through it. After the next one happened (13 min. later) I called Neil into the room and told him what happened. Luckily, he hadn't left for work yet.

The contractions were separated like this: 13 min., 8 min, 7.5 min, 7 min, 6 min, 5 min - one right after the other. And I was stopping to breathe through all of them. At this point, Neil checked me, and said I was dilated to a 5 without stretching at all.

7am - I called Melody and told her "I think I'm going to be having a baby today." Everything just felt different about these contractions, and with them getting significantly closer together with each contraction, I just knew. She said to keep monitoring them and call back in 30 min, unless something changed.

About 10 min. later, the contractions started going about 2.5 min. apart, and more painful. I called Melody back and she and the team were on their way.

In the meantime, I got into the bathtub, but it was helping so well with the pain that I was having trouble timing the contractions. So I got out, and they started right back up where they left off - 2.5 min. apart.

8 am? - My friend Tricia came by to pick up the kids and take them to her house. As she was leaving with the kids, Melody showed up.

As I was having contractions, I was showing Melody where everything was as far as the birth supplies, and just talking to her about random stuff. The rest of the team showed up at about 8:15 or 8:30, and started to get everything set out and ready for the delivery. Melody guided me through rocking my hips during contractions to help the baby descend.

At this point, all of the midwives (Melody - midwife, Rosetta, Rosemary, and Sarah - apprentices) gathered around me and prayed over me, the baby, the labor, and delivery.

Not too long after this, I was starting to hurt pretty bad, so I decided to get back into the tub for some pain relief.   I was in there for a while, in different positions, still rocking my hips during contractions. And all during labor, people kept reminding me to drink water, to empty my bladder, and even fed me bites of a cliff bar. With how painful the contractions were, and with them still being 2.5 min. apart, we figured we'd have a baby within an hour or so...but then after a while, I was still at the same place - painful contractions 2.5 min. apart. Melody and the others were so good about speaking encouraging words, and giving gentle touches when needed. They were my encouragers. Neil was my comforter and teammate.

At some point while I was in the tub my Dad and my friend Maryann showed up.  Maryann just happened to be on vacation and had gotten into town the day before...They hung out in the living room while I labored.

Melody started to get concerned about not continuing to progress. She told me to get out of the tub and walk around or whatever I wanted to do, but that we needed to use gravity to our advantage. So I got out...and gravity was definitely working (or maybe I should say that the tub was working...) The contractions immediately got stronger.

During contractions, I continued to rock my hips, and Neil pushed my hips together or massaged my lower back - both for pain relief and trying to help the baby descend.

After a while, Melody said that she wanted to check the baby's position.
She said I was dilated to an 8, and about 90% effaced. She was having trouble finding the baby's position. She finally realized that the baby's head was kinked to the side a bit, which is why I wasn't continuing to progress as she expected.

Rosemary (one of the apprentices) used pressure/massage both in my lower back and hip/pelvic area to try to get the baby to move. He definitely moved some, and I started having much harder contractions. I decided that I didn't want to move, so I stayed on the bed...

Not too long after this, I started feeling the urge to push during my contractions. This went on for a while, and my water still hadn't broken. I'm thinking "seriously? why hasn't my water broken yet? Why is this baby not here yet?" It was just so different than the other two. Instead of hitting transition, getting no break between contractions, but having a kid in no time - I hit transition, the contractions were really painful, but they were still far enough apart that I was able to get breaks in between them. The pain was seriously bad though...I felt like at any moment my water would break...I kept pushing and pushing...but nothing. Just pain...feeling the baby descending, and lots of screaming :) During the pushing, the midwives were applying warm compresses to the perineum.

Neil got into position to deliver the baby.

After pushing for close to 20 min., my water finally broke with a gush - All over Neil! ha.
A couple minutes later, Isaiah's head popped out, and was turning as he was coming out. The cord was wrapped behind his neck, over his shoulders, and under his arms. Melody and Neil got him unwrapped, and guided him out the rest of the way. Total pushing time: 22minutes.
Total labor time: just shy of 7 hours.

Neil announced the birth of a baby Boy - a surprise to all of us. Even the midwives were all convinced that it was going to be a girl - because they said that boys typically have a harder time during labor, but Isaiah's heart rate never dropped at all - and he did wonderfully the entire delivery.

For the first time ever - No tearing during delivery. Not one - probably because it took him so long to come out.

They immediately put him skin to skin with me, and (this is a bit different) once the placenta was delivered, Neil cut the cord.

We were all laughing and celebrating for a while, as the midwives were all checking vitals, etc. while Isaiah was still on my tummy. He wasn't quite ready to nurse yet. Once vitals were done, Isaiah and I got into the bathtub for an herbal bath, to promote healing for me and the umbilical cord for him. While we were in there, Isaiah nursed, and Neil sat by us, next to the tub, so we could both get to know our new baby boy. He also fed me a turkey sandwich. love him.

After the bath, I got cleaned up and dressed, and went back to the bed, where the linens had already been removed and put into the wash, to check vitals again. Then, my Dad and Maryann were able to come in and meet Isaiah as well - and share the story from their point of view.

Isaiah Ethan Jones was born at 12:47 pm, weighing 6 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long.

Welcome to the world, Isaiah!!

Would I have a home birth again? Most definitely. If I had been in a hospital, they may have broken my water, but that could have caused more complications. I could have even ended up in a c-section because of his position. The difference is how proactive everyone was. Melody and the team knew what to do to help me through the pain, and the awkward positioning so that Isaiah could come. And I was so much more comfortable than I would have been in a hospital. And really, you can't beat knowing that every single person surrounding you is a believer - praying for you - encouraging you - serving you - loving you - and wanting the absolute best for you. Neil sums it up like this: In a hospital, it's about what the doctors and nurses do (they break the water, they give medicine, they do this or that...), but this labor was all about me and what I was doing. The others were simply there to support, encourage, and direct the course of labor...letting me do what my body needed to do to deliver Isaiah.

What do I think about the birth? It was definitely longer and definitely harder than my other two. The length didn't bother me - It actually helped me out to not have a labor so fast and furious. Because of the length, I not only didn't tear, but my body also didn't go into shock right after delivering like it usually does. No shaking at all this time.
The hardest part was the pain.  There was definitely reason for it, and it was definitely less than it could have been if his position hadn't been changed at all during the course of labor. I'm just thankful that God gave me breaks during the course of the pain to be able to take a breather and get through it.
No, I still wouldn't get an epidural or any other drugs, even with the pain.  Having anything could have hindered the whole process as well - and by golly, I loved not being strapped down or having an IV. It was fabulous!

Highly recommend a home birth and midwifery care to anyone and everyone (that isn't super high-risk) that is expecting a baby. SO worth everything!

38 weeks (part 2) - positions and chiropractors

2011-03-08T14:01:00.001-06:00

Seems like all I'm blogging about is baby stuff, but I guess that's because that's pretty much the main focus of our attention right now.

Last night I was having contractions 2.5 minutes apart. I was breathing pretty hard, and I was having to pause and kinda bend over through them. The bad thing is that I was only feeling the pain on my right side. That's happened a lot with the contractions, but this time with how hard they were, it was starting to worry me. I called my midwife, Melody, and she said that it worried her too. She said that she thought the baby may be in a bad position that would make labor a lot more difficult. She advised us to meet she and the chiropractor at the birthing center to get adjusted. She said it would either put me into full-on labor, or it would stop the contractions so that I could be more comfortable and get some sleep. Neil and I weren't quite ready to wake up the kids and drive 30 min. for an adjustment when I had one scheduled for the next morning, so we decided to wait it out a bit and see if the contractions would stop.
Luckily, after getting into a warm bath for a while, the contractions started to become more inconsistent and less painful. They didn't stop completely, but I knew that labor wasn't happening last night.

So, this morning, all of us went together for my appointment. I saw the chiropractor first. She confirmed that the baby was indeed in an awkward position. The head was down, and the back was on the left side (good), but the head was off-center and kinked, and it seemed like the baby was also trying to get a hand up by its head as well.  She adjusted my hips, pelvic bone, back, neck - the whole bit. Then, she just put me in lots of different positions, and worked on trying to physically move the baby into a better position. I walked up and down the stairs and around the premises of the birthing center for a while, to get my hips and pelvis moving around, then she checked the baby's position again. Everything looked good!

I had my regular appointment too. BP was a bit on the higher end for me, but she wasn't worried about it because of the contractions and all that that I've been having. Everything else looked good. She checked the baby's position internally, and said that it seemed like the baby was back to a good position as well. She said that she thought I was dilated to more like a 4.5 rather than a 5, but said that when someone is having lots of contractions the cervix tends to stretch out more.  Everything else was about the same.

I'm just happy that the baby is in a good position now, so that when I do go into labor we don't have any problems.  My prayer is that everything will just stay aligned until labor starts. Of course, the good thing is that if my hip/pelvic bone do go out and gets the baby into a bad position again, and I go into labor, I can call the chiropractor to come to the house for the labor and delivery along with the midwife, if needed.

Waiting for the Lord's perfect timing...

38 weeks

2011-03-07T08:43:00.002-06:00

Well, we made it to 38 weeks. I wasn't sure that was going to happen.
I know that not only are WE getting antsy, but I know everyone else is as well.
It was funny to see people at church yesterday and all of them were like "umm...that baby still isn't out yet?" Especially because a lot of them saw me on Friday night - when I was having regular contractions at about 6.5 minutes apart - standing, sitting, whatever. Too bad they fizzled out when we got home.
And that is the story of my life right now.
Cramps start. contractions go into gear. They'll be consistently apart for a while. They may even increase in strength and get closer together after a bit. I feel them in the front AND back...and really low too. Random sharp pains in the pelvis happen. Then, after about an hour or two of this consistency...instead of continuing to increase in strength or getting closer together they just fizzle out.
Apparently God has a very specific day he wants this baby to be born...and it obviously hasn't happened yet.

The funny thing is that I was perfectly content to have this baby inside of me until the full 40 weeks... I was even expecting it to go longer...
...that is, until I started progressing so much.
There's just something about being 5cm, or there-about, and having the baby continuing to descend into the pelvic bone...and effacing happening...and having off and on contractions...that just makes you say "ok, seriously, what's the deal? Why isn't this baby coming out?"

I had a dream Saturday night that really got to me too. It wasn't a bad dream by any means. But in my dream, I had been having contractions, so I called my midwife. Then the whole midwife staff, and tons of other people were at my house, and once they got there, my contractions fizzled out. When that happend, everyone just got up and left. I appologized to my midwife for calling her to the house, and explained that I was just so scared that I was going to be delivering the baby by myself!
I woke up sobbing, and even after waking up fully, I couldn't stop sobbing for a while.
I didn't think that I was fearful. But I think God gave me that dream to show me that I, in fact, was! It brought everything out to the open. I just sat there praying for a while, confessing my fears, and repenting for being fearful. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a passage that we went over in BSF only a couple weeks ago from Isaiah 43:1-2 :

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."

The Lord was encouraging me, saying "You know, it doesn't really matter what happens - how this baby is born - or even if you have to do it by yourself. You will NOT be alone. I will be with you. I will guide and direct you. And even if this doesn't go as YOU plan, my plans are for your GOOD. It will produce character that I otherwise would not be able to cultivate in you. You will depend fully on me and my strength and my power, rather than your own. So FEAR NOT. This baby will come in my time, in my will. I will give you what you need, when you need it - if you will just rely on me."

That pretty much sums it up.
No matter how much I'm dilated or effaced. No matter what symptoms of labor I've already had. No matter how many times I have contractions, or how much the baby continues to descend...
God is totally in control of this whole thing. His timing is the best.
When we were considering homebirth in the first place, I remember struggling with the thought a bit. Then the Lord just said "Don't fear. Trust me." It's like he's really wanting to teach me something through all of this. Perhaps it's simply to trust. Perhaps it's how to wait on him for his perfect timing. Perhaps he wants to teach me to rely on His strength. Or perhaps it's all of the above, and more.
Whatever the case, He's wanting to teach me something, and I have to be willing and open to his instruction and direction.

37 weeks (part 2)

2011-03-03T12:46:00.001-06:00

So, here's an update:
Tuesday, after my appointment, the "bloody show" tapered off. Then, that evening I had a lot more. I called the midwife and she said it was probably a sign that I may be dilating some more...but that no matter what, it was definitely just another sign that my body was gearing up for labor even more.

Wednesday, I went to Ft.Worth for BSF, because nothing was going on. About halfway through, at about 10:30, I started having some light contractions. On the way home, I started feeling them in my back as well, and there seemed to be more of them.
When we got home, I got the kids in the stroller and went for an "easy" walk around the block (really, about a mile).
Then, I took a nap when the kids did. I was actually able to sleep some, but I woke up because I was having some more contractions. And the way I figured it, if they were strong enough to wake me up from a deep sleep, then I should really start paying attention to them.
I started timing them, and they were pretty inconsistent (anywhere from 4-8 min. apart), and not very strong, but they were definitely being felt from the back to the front, and then down to the pelvic bone. Neil checked me when he got home from work and I had dilated to about a 4.5. Called the midwife, just to tell her what was going on, and she said to call her again when they increased in strength.
They seemed to be getting more consitent (4-6 min. apart) and a little bit stronger (but still able to talk through them, etc.) after dinner. When the kids went to bed at 8, Neil checked me again, and I was more like a 5, and he said he thought I effaced just a bit too - but he's not good with figuring out percentages...he just knows that there was a change.
We got really excited and started getting stuff ready, but they started to fizzle out at about 9pm. so sad :(

Last night I definitely had some contractions while sleeping, and a couple of them woke me up.
So far today, I've had some contractions, but nothing strong at all...I'd say even lighter than yesterday so far. I may go for a long walk today...
We'll just have to see what happens.
At 5 cm, I'm thinking it could seriously be anytime. I'm actually a little curious as to how in the world labor didn't start last night...
But my biggest concern is that I'm already halfway dilated...
My labors are usually pretty quick without being dilated much, if any...
Good thing we're doing a homebirth, and we have the birthing supplies here, at the house!

So, pray for wisdom for me - that everything goes smoothly - and that this baby would come at God's perfect time!

37 weeks

2011-03-01T15:11:00.001-06:00

Another appointment today...

* Dilated to about a 3.5. She said the cervix is open more at the bottom (about a 4) than the top (3.5).
* Effaced the same - about 70%
* Baby is at a -1 station (so, starting to enter into the pelvic bone). First thing Melody said to me when she saw me today was "You look lower!" I hadn't really noticed...then I thought about it...maybe I have been walking a little bit differently...but nothing like feeling like I have a basketball between my legs, like some people describe it. But, during the exam it was confirmed...it's definitely lower.
* Mucus plug is gone. There was definitely some bloody show when they checked me today. Apparently the mucus plug has a way of continuing to replenish itself...so you can continue to lose bits of it until you go into labor...welcome to my life - yeah...gross.
* I got my burst of energy (nesting) yesterday. I started cleaning the entire house. Vacuumed the entire house, did the dishes, did ALL of the laundry (about 6 loads) and it was all folded and put away before Neil got home, cleaned all 2.5 bathrooms, cooked, picked up clutter, did school-time with Bella, AND had time to spend with the Lord (which was difficult, because I didn't want to sit still!) I think it was the most productive day I've had in my entire life! And am I tired today? no! First thing this morning, I decided to vacuum out the van (who does that?) and I've been cleaning windows, dusting, cleaning out the refrigerator, and trying to figure out what else I can do...sewing isn't active enough!
* Saw the pregnancy chiropractor again today. She adjusted my hips and pelvic bone again. She's been working on my lower back, because I've had some pain on the left side of my tailbone - apparently it's because the right side was off, so the I was feeling grinding on the left side. Today I left feeling the best I have thus far - no pain at all on that left side! yeah! She also worked on my sinuses again, which makes me happy - it seems to really be helping. The chiropractor warned me that because my body seems to be already gearing up for labor, that adjusting me could put me over the edge (aka get labor started). So far nothing, other than some braxton-hicks and some sharp pelvic/cervical pains. But you never know...
The kids also got adjustments again - and both of their pelvic bones were out of line on the same side as mine. so weird. She said that it was an indicator of stress - that the kids may be picking up on my stress or whatever - seeing the big change coming of a new baby. So crazy.

Anyway...so now we play the waiting game...and I'm trying to not go crazy in the meantime.

This and That

2011-02-24T09:27:00.001-06:00

I need to catch-up on some stuff.

First, Neil built a fabulous bunk-bed for the kids. Twin on top, Full on bottom. He got plans online for like $10, ordered all the hardware online too, then just had to buy wood at Lowe's, make cuts, sand each part, and put it all together. Neil ended up making it for less than half of what we could have bought the same thing for. We had a guy at church, who paints for a living, volunteer to paint the beds for us as a "new baby" present. It Blessed us tremendously, because it saved Neil a lot of time! So we were able to get the beds up faster so the kids could adjust to being in the same room sooner. We painted them a light cream color to match the double dresser that we already had - both of which would be in the room with 2 kids :) The only thing left to do is the drawers that serve as under-bed storage, that will store much, much more than these baskets do.

Isn't it great??
I made the duvet covers and curtains too. I know...they're kinda plain...but since I don't know the sex of the baby yet...and therefore what two kids would be sharing a room (2 boys or 2 girls?) I figured I'd go with something plain and gender neutral and dress it up later, if needed. The cool thing is that I made both duvet covers and the curtains for a grand total of about $28. yup. I bought flat sheets from walmart. For the duvet covers, I sewed 2 twin flat sheets together and 2 full flat sheets together - then added snaps at the bottom for an opening, so they can be taken off and washed easily. For the curtains, I bought 2 more twin-size flat sheets, hemmed the bottom, and made a pocket at the top. Super easy. Plus, it gave me an excuse to use my new snap press...

I'm way excited about this thing. It will make my life so much easier when it comes to putting snaps on diapers. I had the pliers, but they seriously start hurting my hand after a while...and with this baby the snaps come out perfect every time. amazing contraption. I'm loving it!
I'll be using it a lot here in the near future...

...and that reminds me to update on LoveBums.
Here's what I've come up with so far for my logo/clothing tags for the diapers/ministry:

Feedback please! Should I put a website (my Etsy store site, when I get it) instead of the subtitle for advertisement? or should I have both? any other thoughts/suggestions? Anything would be appreciated.
Other than that, I've been working on tweaking my patterns, experimenting with new fabrics, figuring out costs/ how much to charge for them, etc. Soon I'll be ordering a LOT of fabric to start working on diapers as I have time...until I feel like it's the right time to kick-off an Etsy store and start-up this ministry. I am super-excited about it all.

I've officially (and successfully) made my first AIO (All-in-one) diaper!

It's waterproof PUL on the outside, 2 layers of 100% organic natural (not bleached) cotton on the inside, Side snaps - super-adjustable w/ 5 snap settings that don't touch baby's skin! With 2 rows of snaps, you can adjust it to be larger in the legs than the tummy, or vice versa.

Elastic legs and waist. The waist elastic is larger for more comfort.

On the inside, there is a flap-style soaker made of two more layers of the same fabric (sewn-in but also much easier to wash and dry).
I had to do some tweaking to my original pattern (after trying it on a baby to get a real feel for it) to get the fit just right, but I think this one has a fabulous fit now :) I wish you could feel how SOFT the fabric is on the inside...ooolala!

36 weeks (part 3)

2011-02-24T09:26:00.001-06:00

Not trying to gross anyone out, but the mucus plug is officially gone. Lost it this morning. I called Melody (midwife) to ask about it -and she confirmed that it was indeed my mucus plug. Gross.
I know this doesn't mean that labor is necessarily imminent. Just like dilation, it could still be weeks. But it tells us that my body is definitely getting ready for labor.

This is yet another way that this pregnancy is different than the last two. I've never lost my plug before labor started. So...dilating and effacing more...lost the plug...I'm seeing now that I really shouldn't have any expectations as far as how this labor is going to progress.
We'll see what happens...

36 weeks (part 2)

2011-02-23T15:40:00.001-06:00

Not the best "Belly" picture...but a picture nonetheless...I've pretty much had to take all of them myself...I'm running out of ideas.

So Tuesday, I had another midwife appointment.
* I gained about 2 lbs. Same scale. different floor. My weight has been going up and down for like a month now...I don't think I've really had consistent weight-gain in a while. o-well...
* My GBS test came back NEGATIVE!! yeah!! It's the first time that's ever happened. So, I have to keep taking my probiotics to keep it that way, so we don't have to worry about doing anything special during labor.
* I'm slightly anemic (like, just under the border-line), so they put me on another herbal supplement called Floradix herbs + iron - a liquid all-natural supplement that doesn't have the constipation side-affects that most iron supplements have.

It's kinda crazy. I feel like I'm taking more stuff being pregnant than I ever do NOT pregnant. No medicines, so to speak...everything is all-natural, but for real - it's kinda hard to keep up with it all.
Breakfast - iron supplement, prenatal vitamins, 5-week formula
lunch - 5-week formula
Dinner - iron supplement, 5-week formula, pro-biotics.
But hey - if it is going to make me and my baby healthier for labor and delivery, I'm all for it.

* I had an exam to check for dilation....and I'm already at 3cm and 70% effaced. Usually at this point I MIGHT be about 1cm (if that), and effaced about 25%. Apparently, the 5-week formula is doing it's job to get my body ready for labor. One thing it supposedly does is aide in dilation before labor starts so that labor itself is easier. It also says it brings the body into balance - so people with longer labors have shorter ones, and those who have really short labors have more average-length ones. I'm a little worried how fast this labor will be if I'm dilating more before-hand though. We'll just have to see.
And I know that this doesn't mean labor could happen tomorrow. I could be walking around like this (or even more progressed) for weeks before labor starts. Again, we'll just have to see what happens.

* In the meantime, I've been having a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions, that are apparently doing something... and I've been having a lot of back pain too. I saw the pregnancy chiropractor Tuesday as well, and she aligned my back, hips, pelvic bone, neck - the works. She also used pressure points on my sinuses to help open them up so I can breathe more easily - and my nose was running like crazy on the drive home! She did the same for Bella's sinuses, and gave Bella and Balian "mini" adjustments. Bella has been fighting a cold, and not only did her sinuses need help, but her neck and back were a little bit out because of coughing a lot. so interesting...Bella seems to be feeling much better today though - I don't think I've heard her cough once. Oh, and just FYI, here's a list of some homeopathic decongestants that she told me about:
1. Put Apple Cider Vinegar in a humidifier. smells bad, but she says it works great.
2. Onion. French Onion Soup, or boil an onion for a couple hours, then take 1-2 tsp. of the juice every couple of hours.
3. Peppermint. Pretty much just keep the Altoids coming, drink peppermint tea, or put some peppermint oil on your chest to breathe it throughout the day.
4. Xclear - an all-natural nasal spray that has Xilotol, saline, and grapefruit seed extract in it. Tastes sweet if it goes down your throat, and you can use it as many times as you want throughout the day. I've actually used this before, and I do like it - it just doesn't really work when you reach sinus infection status.
5. of course, there's the Netti Pot, but I'm kinda hesitant to try it out right now, simply because my gag reflex is so bad right now...maybe after the baby is here, if I still need it...

I think that's it for now....

36 weeks

2011-02-19T14:54:00.001-06:00

I'll be 36 weeks TOMORROW!! So crazy to think about.

We had our home-visit yesterday with our 2 midwives, Melody and Joni, and one of the new apprintices/assistant midwives, Sarah. Pretty much they just did a walk-through of the house to get used to the layout, and see what resources we had available for the birth.
* They confirmed that our bathtub would definitely be good enough to use for a waterbirth, if we so desired - just to make sure the bath and jets are cleaned out well with bleach-water, and to turn up the water heater when labor starts :)
* They instructed us on how to make our bed (when labor starts). Good sheets on the bottom, a fitted vinyl sheet on top of that, then a set of sheets on top that we don't mind getting soiled.
* They saw that I had all my birthing supplies together in a Rubbermaid container - so we're good to go.

Then, we just spent some time talking about what our thoughts are about how we want the birth to go - our "birth plan" so to speak. Of course, Neil and I are just so excited to be having this baby born at home, knowing how much more comfortable we'll be, that we don't really have a birth plan. It's not like going to the hospital, and wanting to do things as natural as possible, and having to be a big-time advocate for that. I don't have to have this long list of things I don't want (like not wanting an IV, not wanting monitors or asking for occassional monitoring, not wanting them to break my water, and no drugs - and Don't ask me!) or the things I do want (like holding the baby and feeding ASAP). All of these things are just a given with a homebirth...so really, we're totally ok with just going with the flow...
ahhh....laboring in a nice warm bathtub (and birthing in there, if I so desire)....not being attatched to monitors or IVs...being able to move around and do whatever I want, in any position I want...being able to (and encouraged to) eat snacks and drink water throughout labor so I have some good energy for that workload...having contact with the baby right after birth, and feeding...having an herbal bath with my baby to help healing along, while the midwives and assistants gather up the soiled linens and put them in the wash for me...a home-cooked meal (either pre-made, frozen, and heated or made fresh by mom) ready to eat to replenish all that energy I used...I'm definitely looking forward to this one.

Then, I had my regular appointment, here, at the house.
* Somehow I lost about 2 lbs. Not really sure how that happened. I feel like I've been eating more the past week or so, and I've been getting the water and protein I need. I would think my muscle mass should be long gone by now... So, as of now, I've gained a total of 20 lbs.
* Everything else looked good. Urine was good, baby is measuring right on, and the heartbeat is going strong. When Melody was checking the baby's positioning, her words were "Wow, that baby's low!" ha. The head isn't engaged into the pelvic bone yet, but it's about as low as it can be without being engaged. She also said that the baby seemed to be as far back as it could be (toward my spine). I suppose that may be one of the reasons I've been having a lot of back pain lately. Melody also gave a rough estimate (based on feeling the baby's size) that she thinks the baby is right at about 5 lbs. right now. I know it's a very rough estimate, but still neat.
* I did the GBS test. I've been taking a pretty kickin' probiotic formula everyday for the past couple of weeks...I guess I'll find out this week what the results are, and if the probiotics helped at all. I've tested positive while pregnant with both of the other kiddos. But don't worry! There is a non-IV way of treating GBS during labor. So if I test positive, that doesn't mean I can't have a homebirth. Actually, if I test positive, they may up my probiotics, and test me again in about 2 weeks to see if it's cleared up.

ok, so now the fun part - If you want to, now is your time to guess when this baby will be here!
Date, weight, length...and...boy or girl?
Due date is March 20.

Bella's Questions

2011-02-10T16:05:00.004-06:00

My pretty girl posing like mommy for a picture...

Ok, so today is a much more serious note.
Is it possible for a 3-yr-old to really understand Salvation and accept that gift so young?

A couple of months ago, Bella witnessed her first baptism. It was entirely intentional. I wanted her to see what a baptism was, so that she would ask questions...and the questions came like an avalanche!

Add to this, that Bella also attended her first funeral - my grandfather, Jeda, the week before Christmas.

She has been asking question after question about what happens when we die and why we get baptized, and every question you can think of that stems from those two questions. We've had really good conversations over the past couple of months, and I've seen the wheels in her head spinning. And ever since she saw her friend, Reagan, get baptized, she's talked about it a lot. I've always ended our conversations with "Bella, when you decide to follow Jesus, you let me know. Then, you'll be able to get baptized." She usually just says "ok, mommy" and that's the end of it. Yesterday, we had another conversation.

Bella: "Mommy, I'm not scared to go under water anymore, so I can get baptized."

me: "Well, Bella...it's more than just not being scared of the water. Why do we get baptized?"

Bella: "Because we decide to follow Jesus."

me: "Yes, that's right. so when you decide to follow Jesus, you can get baptized."

Bella: "But mommy, I have decided to follow Jesus."

me: "Really? when did you decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "One day, I just decided to follow Jesus."

me: "Bella, do you know what it means to decide to follow Jesus?"

Bella: "It means that I can live with him in Heaven after I die."

me: "yes, but there's more to it than that. What did Jesus do?"

she looks at me, confused...

"what did Jesus do on the cross?"

Bella: "He died."

me: "why did he die on the cross?"

Bella: "so that I can live with him in heaven."

me: "yes... but again, there's more to it than that. Jesus took all of our sin. do you understand what sin is?"

again...a blank stare.

"remember? when we don't listen and obey what God wants us to do - that's sin?"

Bella: nods her head "like when I don't listen and obey mommy and daddy."

me: "that's right, because God says 'Children..."

Bella: "...obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right. so when we don't obey, we are sinning. Well, Jesus...he took all the times that we don't listen and obey - all the bad things that we do - all the times we are mean to our brother - all of that. If Jesus didn't die on the cross and take our sin, we would have to go to a very bad place when we die, called hell, and we wouldn't be with Jesus. But Jesus took all of our sin. It's because of him taking our sin that we can be with him in heaven when we die."

Bella: "yeah! that's right!"

me: "so when we decide to follow Jesus, we believe that Jesus is the son of God, and that he died on the cross for our sins. Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?"

Bella: "yes!"

me: "do you believe that Jesus died on the cross and took away your sin so you could live with him in heaven?"

Bella: "yes, and now I can get baptized!"

me: "well, Bella, I want you to understand something else..."

Bella: "what?"

me: "when we decide to follow Jesus, it isn't just knowing that he is God's son, and knowing that he died on the cross for us...it's also deciding every day to follow Jesus. That means, choosing to listen and obey Jesus as much as we can all the time. It's not about just going to heaven - it's about obeying - about living for Jesus every day."

Bella: "oh."

me: "are you going to try to obey Jesus the best you can?"

Bella: "yes."

me: "that means listening and obeying mommy and daddy..."

Bella: "...because this pleases the Lord."

me: "that's right, Bella."

Bella: "so, can I get baptized?"

me: "I'm not sure yet, Bella, I want to keep talking to you about it, so that I know that you really understand what baptism is. When mommy and daddy think you're ready, then you can get baptized."

Bella: "ok."

I know that it's entirely possible for a 3-yr-old to be saved. I know this because a couple of my friends were saved very young - about the same age - and remember everything about their salvation. So why am I so skeptical about my daughter coming to know the Lord? Is it her lack of obedience? Although, her obedience has actually improved the past couple of weeks...

I wonder if maybe it has to do with how I came to know the Lord. Jesus became real to me the summer in between my 9th and 10th grade year - it was a year after I had experienced the worst tragedy of my life, and I had gone through a year of dark nothingness. When I came to know the Lord, it was because I heard an almost audible voice say "if you keep going the way you're going, you're going to die." I was desperate. I had one of two choices - die, or change my life drastically. I decided to follow Jesus instead. I couldn't keep going on the way I was going - I was dying inside because of hurt, and I was doing everything I could to fill that empty, dark, void. And my salvation wasn't just about being "saved" from hell, it was about me deciding to live my life for the Lord - He became the Lord of my Life at the same time.

It's hard for me to imagine someone coming to know the Lord through simple, childlike faith. To me, it's the most difficult, yet most important thing that happened in my life, and in no way was it because of a simple, childlike faith. I think I doubt Bella's decision to follow Jesus because she is so young, and she has such a simple faith. She sings her heart out - her own words - to Jesus, all the time. Her words may not be theologically correct, or flow beautifully, but she is always singing her heart out. She is always talking about the Lord. She's started saying her own prayers, and she has prayed for me on various occasions, with immediate outcomes at times (like a headache going away, etc.).

Could it be possible that my Bella really does get this whole Jesus thing - that she has decided to follow him, for real?

It's so very difficult for me to grasp. Even though I have prayed for her to come to a saving knowledge of who Jesus is at a young age since before she was born, I still doubt.

I guess I need to look to Bella as an example of childlike faith - and trust that God really is answering the prayers that I have prayed over her and for her. Lord I believe! Help me in my unbelief!

Potty Update

2011-02-09T14:38:00.003-06:00

I've had lots of people asking me how potty training is going with Balian...so here's the update!

* Right now we're averaging about 2 accidents/day (about 2 weeks ago it was more like 4) - but we've never had less than 1 per day. Some days are better than others though.
* When he does have an accident, he pats where he's wet to tell me - very rare that he doesn't.
* Balian successfully does the "poop" sign - and sometimes uses it to tell us that he needs to go, other times, he'll just go to the potty to tell us he needs to go.
* We definitely still have a communication barrier, but it's getting better. He does the sign for "all done" or says it when he's either finished going, or it I put him on the potty and he doesn't need to go.
* Most of the time, I ask him if he needs to go. He'll tell me one way or another by either shaking his head no or saying "huh" for yes...and he's gotten to the point that he really does know one way or another.
* Most accidents occur if he's pre-occupied with something (playing) and doesn't stop what he's doing to go potty...even if I ask if he needs to go, and he's pre-occupied, he'll just ignore me - and if I try to take him anyway, he'll get really mad. He just doesn't like being taken away from what he's doing.
* I think Balian actually does better when we're out (or even at other people's houses) than when we're at home...mainly because of the last statement.
* Because Balian has been cutting some molars, we've had some issues with not being able to hold runny poop...but Bella was the same way when she had runs. I can't expect him to hold it then. But when everything is working properly, we don't have problems with him regressing or anything, which is actually pretty amazing.
*we've figured out that if we give Balian water without anything to eat, about an hour later, he'll be having to go potty like every 10 minutes...but if we only give him water with something to eat, we usually don't have a problem with that, and he'll stick to 20-30 min. intervals. When he hasn't just had water, he can go about an hour in between potty breaks now.
* Balian has started lamenting over his wet pants. I take them off of him, he points to them, and starts doing this very sad whine-thing. Even with diapers first thing in the morning and after nap, he's sad about wetness. Makes me happy :)
* We've started using potty time for ABC flash cards. Just going over all the letter sounds. I started doing it because I just wanted to see what sounds he could actually say. A week ago, I think he was only able to do like 6 of the letter sounds - no wonder he wasn't saying much - he couldn't even make the sounds! But this week, he's been actually trying to repeat words and sounds...and we've noticed a huge difference in his vocabulary. So we've gotten two great things: distraction during potty time, and improved vocabulary! Not to mention, he may learn his letters and letter sounds even earlier than Bella - we'll see.

* oh, and we had to eliminate the use of M&Ms after about a week. Apparently Balian is sensitive to chocolate - he wouldn't go to sleep until like 10pm because he was wired! So, we went back to teddy grahams and/or animal crackers. Although I've contemplated Reece's pieces, since they don't have any chocolate....but they still have so much sugar. The good thing is that he's not going as often now as he was...we'll see how it goes. Maybe it could be a reward for TELLING me he has to go instead of me just taking him...

Overall, I think things are going very well. Apparently boys just take a lot longer than girls, and that's OK, so long as you prepare yourself for it. I still think it's worth it to train early - even - or should I say especially - when they're boys. I can't imagine doing this at 2 or 3 years old. I can't imagine the resistance that I would face. I'd rather it be a slow progression and a way of life than waiting a long time and feeling like I need to push them to train quickly, and getting stressed out if they didn't do what I expect of them.

My biggest concern with the new baby coming is not Balian regressing - but rather me causing him to regress by not sticking to what we've been doing. I've heard from so many that they always have to go when you're nursing...I think I'll just have to start taking Balian before I sit down to nurse...and take him at the halfway point when I'm changing the baby's diaper too if I have to. Or I may just have to adapt and figure out how to do both at the same time. We'll see how it goes. But honestly, I think I'd rather him regress a bit after laying the foundation than starting later. Seems like it would be easier for him to pick back up to where we left off...I could be wrong, but again...we'll have to see how it goes.

34 weeks

2011-02-07T12:28:00.003-06:00

I finally was able to make it to the midwife this morning. After all of the ice and snow last week, my appointment kept getting postponed...so today was the day!

Everything looks good.
* Blood Pressure is good, as always.
* Glucose and Protein levels were normal.
* I gained a bit of weight (about 2 lbs.), so I've gained a total of 22 lbs. so far.
* It was confirmed that the baby has dropped. However, she wasn't concerned about it. She said that every pregnancy is different, and some women's babies drop earlier in subsequent pregnancies due to the body having "memory" - we'll see what happens.
* I checked out the Bradley Method book to go over as a refresher. It hasn't been that long since Balian was born, but it's always nice to be prepared.
* I bought my bottle of the "5 week formula" and I'm supposed to start taking it next week. Apparently another good thing about it is that it generally keeps women from going way over their due date. Good to know - placental breakdown was one of my concerns, since they don't induce at all...so it helps me to feel better about that one :)
* I returned the circumcision video that I checked out last time, and we talked about what I thought about it. It was definitely informative...We wish that we had all that information before Balian was born to make a more educated decision, but at the same time it brought about more questions for Neil and I. The main one being this: If circumcision causes loss of sensitivity and a lower sex-drive in men, then how much more difficult is it for an uncircumcised man to deal with sexual temptation on a daily basis - especially before marriage? If those sensitivities are heightened on a daily basis for an uncircumcised man, would we want to circumcise to "help a brotha out" (so to speak) during those years, or should we not circumcise so that he has more sensitivity and greater sex drive for the rest of his potentially married life? It's a tough decision, and although we aren't Jewish, we would be willing to circumcise based on how it may affect a son's future relationship with the Lord. On all the other aspects of circumcision - we're sold on that it isn't necessary - medically or otherwise - especially in the religious aspect. Timothy wasn't circumcised, and Paul talks so much about how it's circumcision of the heart that matters. This one's just the biggy for us. Hopefully we'll have a girl so we don't have to worry about it :)

My next appointment will be here, at the house next Friday. I have to have all of my home birth supplies together, so they know we have everything. I bought all the stuff I needed the other day. It was interesting to shop for Depends and protector pads from the adult diaper section of walmart - I got some interesting looks...

We're looking into buying a baby scale to help ease my mind a bit with breastfeeding this time around. If I know that the baby is getting enough, then I'll be less stressed out about it - which will help all-around. Has anyone used a baby scale at home before to measure how much the baby is getting? The ones I've looked at are accurate up to either .5 oz or as little as .1 oz. I know the Madela ones people rent from the hospital are accurate up to .1 oz, but I didn't know if that was REALLY necessary. If anyone has had a good outcome with a particular scale, I'd appreciate some feedback :)

I've officially stopped running. Since the baby has dropped, I'm having a lot more pressure and more Braxton-Hicks, so I figured I should stop. It's hard though...part of me is like "do you really want to stop?" The answer is no, but I know it's best for both me and the baby. I'm excited that I did my last run at 32 weeks. With Balian I was only able to run to 16 weeks, so I was able to go twice as long this time. I can't complain about that! It'll make it that much easier to get back up and going after the baby is born.

The baby room is all set-up! I made good use of our "iced-in" days last week. I'll post pictures soon...not that it's any different than it usually is...

Snow Day!!

2011-02-06T21:16:00.002-06:00

So from Tuesday until Friday we were stuck in the house because of ice on the roads. I don't drive on ice. I've done snow before, but that was in New York, where snow plows go down every road and make it a lot safer...even when the roads weren't plowed (like after getting off work at 10:30 and having to drive on fresh snow) It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. Ice is different, and in Texas, we mainly get ice...so everything pretty much shuts down.

Luckily, Thursday night, we got a good amount (for Texas) of snow. The deepest spots were about 5 inches...the least deep were about 3. And because I wasn't worried about the kids busting their heads because of slipping, we were able to play outside!! We all got bundled up and headed over to the side of the house with the most yard (and the big ditch...aka, the biggest hill) to play.

I was really impressed with how well Balian did walking around in the snow...even up and down hill without too many falls overall. He seemed to like it :)

We started with snow angels. Here, Neil helping Bella make one:

This is our "family" of snow angels...everybody made one...wish I could have gotten a better angle...but this is the best I could get :(

Then, Neil got a cardboard box to try going down the hill...

It didn't work very well...we ended up pulling out an empty Rubbermaid container and putting the kids in it to slide down the hill, and it worked much better. Too bad I put my camera up at that point, so I have no pictures :(

And here's the family...

We had fun, and it was so good to get some good fresh air and play!!

33 weeks

2011-01-31T10:25:00.001-06:00

I don't know if you can tell in this picture, but Saturday night (the night before this picture was taken) the baby did some dropping. I woke up Sunday morning, and immediately noticed a difference - my belly was just lower! Ha. This has never happened to me before! Bella and Balian never dropped before active labor started - at all. Not to say that the baby has totally dropped - I think there's more to be done - but everything about this pregnancy has been different. Makes me wonder how much it has to do with God healing my bicornuate uterus. Anyway, so about halfway through Sunday, I started having much more pressure and started having a lot of Braxton-Hicks. I wasn't dehydrated (I had 4 L of water the day before, and had already had 2 L of water for the day). I took a nap, and they continued. I took it as easy as I could the rest of the day.

The only thing I can think of is that I just did way too much on Saturday. We had gone to my parents' house to help them get a room ready for my grandmother coming to stay for a couple of days. I was working pretty much non-stop for about 5 or 6 hours. Neil yelled at me one time because he caught me doing something that he said I shouldn't be doing while pregnant (attempting to put bed raisers under a bed - with mattress and box spring on it - by myself).

Neil: "Pam! You're Pregnant!"

Me: "So."

Stephen (my brother): "Stubborn women in our family..."

Then, of course, the guys took over the job.

The good news is that I haven't had any problems so far today (Monday). However, I guess I know my limitations now.

Midwife appointment tomorrow. I'll post on that later.

Praise the Lord for Vision!!

2011-01-26T22:29:00.001-06:00

The past couple of years, I feel like I've been in this slump. Lack of vision seems to have been the culprit. I know that being a full-time mom is my God-ordained #1 ministry. Ministering to my children should come before any other ministry in which I take part. However, I also know that God didn't create me to be simply a wife and a mother. He created me to use my gifts, talents, and abilities to minister to others as well. He has a plan and purpose for me, Pam, outside of my "wife" and "mom" titles. The question of how I can be both a full-time mom AND do something out in the world for the kingdom has been a struggle for me, yet I knew deep-down that it was possible.

Over the past couple of months, God has started to put various things on my heart. More questions than anything. But over the course of this past week or two, God has totally bombarded me with a very real, very specific vision for what he wants me to do for his kingdom.

Many people (MANY) - over the past 2 years - have told me that I should sell the diapers that I make on Etsy. I never really took them seriously, simply because I couldn't see myself setting all that time aside to work on diapers, when I don't really need the cash - and I didn't want it taking away from the time I needed to spend with my kids. It just seemed selfish to me.

However, at the same time, I've been wondering how I could use making diapers as a ministry. I thought about teaching other ladies to make them...or making some for people that couldn't really afford them...

Then BAM! It all just kinda came together. So this is the vision:

I'm going to sell diapers/ diaper covers/ training pants on Etsy for the going price (on the low-end of that going price, most likely...some people charge insane amounts for them - ridiculous!).
Because they sell for way more than what it costs to make them, I am going to use all the proceeds that I make on Etsy to fund making diapers for people that can't afford them. I know that there are people out there that have to cut back on groceries, simply because they have to buy diapers.
For each diaper/cover I sell, I should be able to make about 4 or 5 for people who need them.

How will I give them out?
That's where networking comes in.
1. crisis pregnancy centers. I volunteered at one in college. Most have a program where they take donated items and put them in a store. Moms can then earn points doing various things (going to prenatal appointments, parenting classes, etc.) and can use those points to buy things in their "store". I figure if someone needs diapers, cloth is the best way to go, because you don't have to keep buying them! So my first goal is to talk to the crisis pregnancy center here, in town, and see if they would want any for their store, and go from there.

2. I'm also wanting to talk to my midwife about it - both for getting the word out about the Etsy store (for funding purposes) AND for if there is anyone that needs diapers and can't afford them, so I can give them some!

3. There's also Mission Granbury, Mission Arlington, shelters, etc. that I could go to as well...the list could go on and on...

Timing, of course, is important. With me being less than 2 months away from having a baby right now, I know that now is not the best time to go full-force into this. Plus, there's some groundwork that I need to cover first.
So, for now, the plan is to lay the groundwork, do the networking, and order a ton of diaper-making materials, and make diapers as I have time - so they are ready to sell when I feel it's the right time to begin. God has given me the vision that I asked for, and I'm busting at the seems to follow through - I just have to be patient now :)

oh, and I've been thinking of what to call this vision. So far, this is what I've come up with:

Love Bums
Showing love to the world one bum at a time...

because...Those that buy diapers, are actually donating/ showing love to others though their support. And those that receive the donated diapers, are on the receiving end of that love.

What do you think about the name? Too cheesy? Just right? some feedback would be great on that one!

Can I just say that I am super-excited about this??

31 weeks

2011-01-22T18:02:00.002-06:00

I had another appointment this week (Tuesday) with the midwife. Everything looks good.
* Baby is head-down still, and is in a good position (as far as rotation) for birth later. It was pretty cool. She put my hands on my belly to feel the baby's head, and then showed me how to follow the head down, and feel the neck and then the shoulders, etc. pretty neat stuff.
* I got my blood drawn to check for anemia, but I'm good to go.
* They don't do a glucose test as standard of care - only if they see signs of glucose issues in the urine first (or other signs that gestational diabetes may be an issue). Since I haven't shown any signs of anything, I don't have to do it - yeah!!
* I gained back some weight this time, which is good. I've gained a total of 20 lbs. so far.
* we went over all kinds of stuff - from handling GBS (Group B Strep) during labor (and how to decrease the chance of testing positive for it in the first place), the Vitamin K shot and eye gel for the baby when its born, to circumcision if we have a boy. She actually sent me home with a video about circumcision. Kinda weird, but ok. Haven't watched it yet.

* There's going to be a breast-feeding support group/ class through the birthing center that actually starts tomorrow. My friend Emily (the only person I know that has done a homebirth) is helping lead it. I'm bummed about it though, because I can't go - It's during BSF. :(

* Today I ran for the first time in about 8 weeks (due to the sinus infection I've been battling forever and have finally overcome). I took it easy - walked a quarter mile, ran a mile (in about 14 min. ha.), and walked another quarter mile. I had some braxton hicks, but nothing really bad. I shared all of this with the midwife, and she was very encouraging about the running. She said that braxton hicks were going to happen - just to do what I felt comfortable doing and not to push myself too hard - but to go for it as long as I wasn't having any problems.

*I saw the pregnancy chiropractor at the birthing center, and it was great!! She explained to me everything that she saw as problems (my legs weren't the same length due to my hips being out...she looked at something else and said that my pelvic bone was out of line...she found tension in one part of my back and asked if I had been getting enough water, or if I had been stressed out...) and how it would help get the baby (or keep the baby) in the right position simply by adjusting those things. Pretty neat. My hips had been randomly popping lately, and hurting at times, but she said it should feel better after adjusting the problem areas. I do feel tons better. Hooray for a wholistic approach to prenatal care :)

*I'm not sure if I mentioned this already:
At 35 weeks I'm going to start taking what they call "The 5-week Formula". It's an herbal supplement that is supposed to kinda just bring the body into balance. Specifically, if you have very long or very short labors, it's supposed to help labor be easier and more "average" in length. It also does things like helps in the production of quality milk in the mother, aides in separation of the placenta, have larger dilation before discomfort arises, minimizes postpartum bleeding, reduces the risk of hemmorage, etc. They pretty much encourage everyone to take it, but definitely someone like me who tends to have "fast and furious" labors.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now.

Had to Laugh!

2011-01-19T21:26:00.001-06:00

We were doing our "clean-up" time before bed, and as I was walking by the kids' bathroom, this is what I found:

Apparently, he was ready to brush his teeth :) We have a stool under the sink, but how he climbed all the way up, I have no idea - crafty kid!

New FUN Diaper Covers!!

2011-01-17T22:50:00.002-06:00

So...I've been sewing diapers and covers for a while now. I'm constantly trying to think of ways to make them better and cuter, as well as easier to make. After learning just how difficult making my own binding is for covers, I've been looking for a way to make the process much easier. And now, friends, I am happy to say that I have found a way to make them more easily, but they are seriously CUTE! I'm super-excited about them! Here's the first trial-run:

This one is a size NB, with Aplix hook & loop closure. The PUL is exposed on the inside, so it can easily be wiped clean and used again.
Anyone want to volunteer to try one out and let me know how you like them?

Spiritual Gifts Test

2011-01-13T22:11:00.001-06:00

So our church gave us the opportunity to do a spiritual gifts test about a month ago. It was much different than any I have ever taken before, so I figured why not? This specific test is called Gift Quest Inventory: Discovering Your Motivating Spiritual Gifts. There were 40 groups of 4 questions each, in which I had to say which statement was the MOST like me, and which one was the LEAST like me, and leave the other statements blank. Sounds easy, but I had to do it over the course of about 2 weeks because I could only handle it in small chunks.

Anyway, yesterday I got my results for the test. It's pretty crazy how accurate it was.
My Primary Gift is Perception (aka Prophecy)
My Secondary Gifts are Administration and Giving
but let's focus on Perception...

The GOOD:
Those possessing this gift have an inner prompting and ability to perceive what is right and wrong, good vs. evil, or true vs. false. They are gifted to perceive, proclaim, promote, and pray about the will of God. They possess an intense desire to correct what they see as wrong. Perceivers are usually quick to come to and express their perceptions, thoughts, and ideas verbally. They possess an inner prompting to bring others to a point of accountability and conviction. Those gifted are frequently able to perceive when someone or something is not what they or it appears to be. Considered the "eyes" of the Body of Christ, they are gifted with spiritual sight.
...they are willing to suffer for what they perceive as "right." They have refreshing openness when speaking of what they see in themselves as well as others.
...Those gifted have a zeal relating to themselves and others for total commitment and outward confirming evidences of commitments made. They posses a special persuasiveness in defining and convincing others regarding what is right and wrong.
...Those gifted have an intense desire for justice to be done. They can be loyal to truth, even if it means cutting off relationships. They can possess the strength of character to not be respecter of persons.

GOOD or BAD?
...Those gifted tend to make quick judgements relating to what they see and hear. they tend to express their views, perceptions, and ideas before others speak.

The BAD
...Those gifted may try to assume a seemingly unlimited realm of personal responsibility. They may regress into a tendency to jump to hasty conclusions regarding the meaning of words, actions, and motives of others. They may make broad generalizations based on few known facts. They tend to look for confirming evidence to support hasty conclusions.
...Those gifted may regress into pointing out problems while not working on solutions. In this, they may emphasize judging and exposing rather than the restoration of individuals. They can react harshly to what they perceive as sin, and may lack cautiousness and tact in the expression of their opinions.
...Those gifted have the potential for extreme self-criticism and condemnation if and when they experience personal failure. They have great difficulty separating the sinner and his sin. Both may be rejected with equal force. They may adopt a negative approach to life.

Yeah, I underlined what I think describes me in the BAD section. No question there. Its stuff that I already knew about myself, and that I'm trying to work on - like the cautiousness and tact in the expression of opinions. I'm sure many can attest to my lack-there-of in some situations, in which I have hurt others (or my relationships with others) pretty severely. I feel like I've been better about this lately - being able to hold my tongue a lot more, to really think about what I'm saying and how it may affect the other person, and change the way I state my opinion (or just choose not to state it if I don't think I can do it well) no matter how opinionated I am about it.

However, I think I could also stand to use this giftedness MUCH more within the context of where it is good - sharing the gospel and speaking truth into the lives of others. It's one of those things...when I don't do it like I should I feel totally purposeless. I suppose that's the way it is with anyone who's giftedness is just sitting there not being put to good use. I need to dig up the talent I've buried and use it more.

Bella's Adventures in Learning to Read!

2011-01-11T14:41:00.003-06:00

For the past month or so, Bella has been working on putting together letter sounds to make words. We have a letter of the week (this week is the letter P). Each week, I change the "Word Builder" (a great contraption that I got at the Teacher's Aide store in Pineville, LA) and make words that start with the letter of the week. So this week, we have words like pop, pot, pen, pin, pig, pray, etc. Everyday, when we do circle time, we go over the letter of the week - what the letter is, what it says, and then we go over the word builder. Bella tries to sound out all of the words by herself. She's been doing really well with it, so I wanted to find some books to help further her learning, and give her a sense of accomplishment. Do you realize how hard it is to find books with only a couple of words on a page, that are easy (short) words? It's very difficult. All of the Pre-beginner books at the library have like 5 or more words on a page. Or, if they don't have a lot of words, they have words that are totally not at Bella's level yet. Grr.
Well, today my quest for a developmentally appropriate book came to an end!! Amazingly enough, it ended with a Dr. Suess book - Hop on Pop.

It is fabulous!! Not only does it not have a lot of words on a page, it groups words into categories. For instance, the first page says:

PUP

Pup is up.

Then for two more pages, it all goes along with the "UP" theme.

PUP

CUP

Pup on cup.

CUP

PUP

Cup on pup.

Then it will change to a different grouping like "ALL" - words like tall, small, ball, fall, wall... and make short sentances with the words. I am seriously loving it! Perfect for what we need. It definitely still challenges Bella (she got tired of it after about 6 pages), but she also seemed to really like that she was reading an actual book. YAY!

Potty Training Update

2011-01-06T15:03:00.004-06:00

We are full-fledged potty training now. We had to. After about 2 months of doing the routine, Balian was still just not even caring if his diapers were wet, so we had to go to training pants (The Gerber kind). At home we just let him go around in a shirt and the cloth trainers. When we're out and about, or he needs to be dressed, we put the plastic pants over the trainers. Since the trainers are less absorbant, it's necessary to take him potty a lot more often than with diapers. However, within 2 days of putting him in the trainers, he was starting to pat himself where he wet, and didn't like it. YAY!

Then life happened...
Balian got an ear infection, but still wanted to potty train. So we continued, and he continued to do well...
Then, we had to go out of town for a weekend for my grandfather's funeral...
then we had Christmas...
and we went to Louisiana for New Year's.

After the funeral, he started resisting going to the potty (didn't want to be interrupted from play-time and would just sit down and whine - no fun.) Between that and Christmas being within the same week, Balian was beginning to regress. We started getting back on track the day before we left to go to Louisiana, so once there, we broke down and started giving M&Ms as a reward for being all-dry (in an attempt to keep things going well), and while we were there he actually did really well. We had a day where he only had 2 accidents (one that wasn't his fault - I just wasn't paying enough attention).

So now, we give M&Ms when he's dry AND goes on the potty. nothing when he's wet.
We set the timer for 20 min, on average, and take him when the timer goes off, unless he "tells us" that he's either wet, or needs to go before that.

The main problems:
1. He's been waking up at night because of not liking his wet diaper, but he will go back to sleep.
2. He's been waking up at nap-time because he needs to go potty - and he WONT go back to sleep!
3. Balian has a lot more accidents when he's with Neil, rather than me.
4. lack of vocabulary. If we don't watch him like a hawk, we don't know that he's walking to the potty and telling us he needs to go. He just doesn't have the vocabulary that Bella did at this age, in the least, and although he can do the signs for going potty, he doesn't use them.

However, he is still showing signs of improvement, definitely. I just have to keep reminding myself that boys are so much different (and take so much longer) than girls.

The Good things:

1. He's started to really try to go every time we take him (perhaps because of the M&Ms), which usually means less accidents in-between.

2. He's also started just walking to the bathroom when he needs to go (although this doesn't happen very often...it does happen sometimes).

3. We have usually taken Balian to the kid's bathroom to use the potty. Yesterday, though, He took me to my bathroom because he had to go (more convenient sometimes because it's closer to the kitchen/livingroom area). So, I got another on-the-potty seat for our bathroom. It has ducks on it, which he likes. It's also a bit longer than the other one, and Balian can see himself peeing, and is somewhat fascinated by it - such a boy. He points down and says "that!" as he's peeing. Yes, it's funny, but it's also a huge thing for a boy to see himself going. Since I'm not ready to teach him to stand up and go yet, it's a great thing - so I'm excited about it :)

We'll see if he picks up on it better since things have calmed down for now. I'll keep updating as things progress.

the Jones Family

2011-01-06T10:14:00.003-06:00

The last picture we took of everyone was when Bella and Chase were 8 and 9 months old. No Balian. No Addison. So glad we got an update :) We have a new (not family) member in this picure - Jonathan's girlfriend, Jess (in black, next to me). I think we'll be seeing a lot more of her in the future :)

29 weeks

2011-01-05T14:56:00.005-06:00

I had a prenatal appointment with the midwife on Tuesday.

*Baby is still head-down
*I lost almost 2 lbs. Not sure how that happened over Christmas and New Year's, but ok...perhaps the sinus infection is the reason (or not running because of it, and therefore losing muscle mass) hmm.. I've gained a total of about 17 lbs. at this point. I usually gain 25-30 total, so I think I'm doing good with what's normal for me.
*I got my "Homebirth Checklist" - a list of all the things I need to have on hand for the birth. My 36-week appointment will be at my house, so they can scope it out and see what all the possibilities are...and I think I have to have everything on the checklist ready at that appointment.

Time seems to be flying by...
seriously? 11 weeks left? crazy.

If you want to see a picture, look at the Jones Family picture...it was taken this week :)

The Christmas Card I Never Sent Out

2010-12-22T16:05:00.004-06:00

So....things got a little crazy this month. Between all of us being sick with the "gunk" and my grandfather passing away, I've been a bit pre-occupied. Needless to say, I didn't send out Christmas cards this year. I designed one - just didn't have time to order...so that they got out on time.

So...here's the Christmas card that y'all didn't get. Sorry :(

27 weeks

2010-12-21T16:26:00.005-06:00

I can't believe I'm 27 weeks already! Time is flying by so quickly!

I had an appointment with the midwife today, and everything looks good.

* I actually gained about 5 lbs.

* I'm not measuring large anymore...I'm right on track.

* The baby appears to be head-down

Now I start going every 2 weeks for prenatal visits.

I had some discomfort last week because the baby was trying to continue to lie transverse (sideways) but was running out of room! luckily it only lasted for about a day before it decided to change positions :)

And speaking of baby positioning - I checked out a book from the birth center about how to tell what position the baby is in. it's called "The Belly Mapping Workbook: How kicks and wiggles reveal your baby's position" by Gail Tully. I'm excited to get into it.

Now, the biggest thing is getting rid of this stubborn head-cold that I've had for about 3 weeks. I haven't been able to run because of it (running with a cold just makes it worse for me). The midwife suggested I get on some pro-biotics (grapefruit seed extract, etc.) to build up my immune system. Hopefully it works. My go-to stuff (Claritin-D) just isn't cutting it this time. so sad.

15 months

2010-12-16T20:43:00.003-06:00

Balian had his 15-month check-up today. Here's the stats:

Height: 31.5 inches (50%)

Weight: 23 lbs. 12 oz. (between 25% & 50%)

Can I just say how much I love my pediatrician? Dr. Simpson is great! I don't feel pressured to get vaccines that scare me right away (she's letting me delay the live ones until he's 2), all the vaccines are preservative free (not just mercury-free; ALL preservatives). She seems totally open to more natural remedies at times... I could go on and on. The more I take my kids to her, the more I like her. Props to my friend Julie for the recommendation :)

The Good:

Balian is doing very well with understanding and following instructions. He's learning where things belong, and wants to help put things away. He wants to help mommy with the laundry, and loves to watch the washer do its thing. He loves closing doors (and opening cabinet doors to get into things). He's doing sign language to say please and thank-you (he has such good manners ;) ). He's doing some animal noises, but mainly animal gestures. He chomps his teeth like an alligator, beats his chest like a gorilla, sticks his tongue out like a giraffe, pants like a dog, attempts to spit like a camel...we've occasionally gotten a "baa baa" for a sheep or a monkey sound here and there. He knows most of his body parts - ears, eyes, hair, tongue, teeth, armpits, fingers, toes, knees. Of course, his favorite is the belly button, and kinda has an obsession with it - but of course, Mommy's belly button is WAY more exciting than his own, and he likes to pull my shirt up and point to it. I'm sure the round belly has something to do with it. ;) He understands so, so much, he just doesn't really have the vocabulary to go with it yet. He does say some things - duck, cat, this, that, book, night night, shoes, socks (LOVES shoes and socks)... but nothing easy like hi (he just waves). He LOVES to play outside, and climb up the big ladder and go down the big slide (on his tummy, feet first) that Neil built (5 ft. high). I just have to catch him at the end.

He also LOVES books. He'll go into his room and just look at books forever! His favorite book to be read right now is "I love you through and through" that he got from Nana and PopPop.

Balian has also made some pretty dramatic improvements with potty training this week. We've long conquered the pooping in the pants (we haven't had a poopy diaper since the last time I posted about it), but he wasn't showing any signs of discomfort with wetness - even with cloth diapers. I couldn't remember when I actually started Bella with training pants (when she was showing any sign that she could be dry...or being dry a lot?), but we decided to try it anyway, and just see what happened. So, we put him in the Gerber training pants with the plastic covers over them (so we didn't get pee all over the house if he wet a lot). Only when he's awake - nap time and bedtime we still use diapers, obviously. Of course, this meant more work for me - the training pants just aren't as absorbent as diapers, so we had to abandon the routine and go full-fledged into potty training. We figured we'd try it for a day and see what happened - and what happened was he did amazing even on that first day! I kept a log of every time we went to the potty - the time - if he was wet or dry - if he told us somehow, etc. The first day, he was dry and went like 8 times. fabulous! so we kept it up the next day...and even with church on Sunday, it was more times that day! Monday, he wasn't feeling well, so I was going to let him "have the day off", but he decided he didn't want to have a day off - he wanted to potty train! He didn't want to wear a diaper - he wanted to wear his "underwear" (training pants) - and that day he started noticing right away when he wet, and started coming to me whining, or patting himself where he wet to let me know. Yesterday, he found me in the kitchen and was whining. I asked him what was wrong, and he took my hand and lead me to the potty. on the way there, I checked and yup, he was wet. He seems to really hate being wet now. yay! Discomfort is the first step...now he just needs to figure out what it feels like BEFORE he goes...so he can tell me rather than just trying to get him to the potty every 20 min. and hope he's dry. I know these things take time..and boys take longer. But my boy is doing so wonderful - especially considering he's been sick! Which leads me to...

The Bad:

Balian has had the sniffles, coughs, etc. this week just like the rest of us. I was glad he had a Dr. appointment today, so that she could check him out just to make sure it wasn't anything else. Well, apparently, he had a slight ear infection in his left ear. so sad. It's the first time he's ever been sick! The boy is so happy all the time, you'd never guess something was wrong other than a cold. Even when his eyes were watering and nose was dripping like crazy, he just played like always, and definitely did not want to neglect any opportunity to play outside :)

The Down-Right Ugly:

Did you know kids could get strep "down there"? I sure didn't. Now I do. And I thought it was just a weird diaper rash or dry skin because of wetting so much at night... apparently not. eek!

What About Christmas?

2010-12-12T22:07:00.004-06:00

So I've gotten a lot of questions this year about Christmas and what we do in our family to celebrate. Considering it's our first year to be in Texas and around our new friends, it makes sense. Of course, most don't really expect the answers that I give them...
2 years ago I posted a poem that I wrote about Christmas (you can read my poem here.)
This year, we've been more focused on making other new Christmas traditions. How do we really teach our kids about giving - Giving to the Lord as He gave to us - giving to those in need the things that they need - and that giving is sometimes a sacrifice? How do we replace what we have always known with something new that transforms not only ourselves and our family, but also the world around us?
My friend, Skylar, posted this video on her blog last year that kinda puts things into perspective:

Here's kind of a Q&A, based on the questions I've gotten. It's just meant to explain what we do and why. That doesn't mean we're perfect or we've got it all together - that's totally not the case. We're a work in progress, and we're just trying to do our best.
Do you do Santa? no. We will teach our kids about St. Nicholas - the man that snuck around and put alms in people's shoes and stockings as they were hanging to dry - because they desperately needed the money. He didn't want to take any credit, he just wanted to give as Christ gave. He saw a need, had the means to meet that need, and met it. We want to teach that we give to those who need because that's what Christ wants us to do - not just during Christmas but all year long. How what this man did got turned into what "Santa" is now... I have no clue...
So do you give gifts at all? Our immediate family (Neil, Bella, Balian, and I) don't exchange gifts at all at this point.
why? First off, Neil and I both realized that even though our parents tried their hardest to teach us that Chirstmas was all about Jesus, all we really cared about on Christmas morning was what we were getting. the gifts. not Christ. I know that a lot of people say that we give gifts because the wise men brought Jesus gifts. But to me, that's just the point. They came to give gifts to Jesus - the Christ, the long-expected Messiah - because of who He was. He is worthy of everything we have to give him. But do you notice how nothing was given by the wise men to Mary and Joseph? Although their faith and lives were a pivitol part of the story, they weren't the main event. Jesus was. It seems to me that all of the gifts we give each other just take away from that. What do we really give to Christ on Christmas? Is He really our focus? These are questions that we had to ask ourselves and answer truthfully, without justification...and sadly, our answers were pathetic.
So what do you do instead? We do the Jesse Tree during Advent (see here for info - scroll down to #1), we go to church, we worship together as a family, make a birthday cake for Jesus and sing to him on Christmas day, and we find ways to serve and to give. These traditions are still in the making as well. We're kinda starting from scratch here, so these things take some time. A friend of mine gave me an idea of doing a Christamas scavenger hunt with the kids on Christmas morning that revolves around Scripture. I really like this idea. we may try it out. I also just read about a really neat family tradition: Putting a big box (open and wrapped) by the tree labeled "For the children who have nothing." During the month of December the kids were to carefully think about what toys, etc.they had that they didn't need anymore. They gather them up, clean them up, and put them in the box. Then the toys are given away. You can read more about this and other ideas here.
what about extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)? yeah...we're still in the process of trying to figure all of that out. It's hard to do things differently without making others feel like they have to change things as well. We don't want to interfere with the way others want to celebrate Christmas. We don't want to push what we do onto others. We just want to spend time with friends and family, while also being consistent in what we are teaching our kids and experiencing ourselves. We're trying to figure out the best solution for that, but haven't really come up with it yet.
The hard part is helping others realize that it isn't that we're scrooges. we aren't stingy. It's not that we just don't want to spend money or give gifts. (but seriously - do we really need them?) We love our families and want to give to them because we love them...we just feel like that should happen on a different day. In our family, we do birthdays big, because that is the day we can celebrate that one person. Christmas is Jesus' day. We want to give to Him. Give him the Glory, the Honor, and Praise. But we also want to literally give to him. How do we do that? Look up Matthew 25 (starting in verse 31) "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me." Christmas shouldn't be the only time that we give to those in need or serve God's people. But shouldn't we at least give him that on his day?

Diapers

2010-12-01T14:48:00.005-06:00

I recently finished a diaper project for a friend of mine (Allie). Now that she's seen them, I can post pictures of what I did :)

It consisted of fitted diapers and covers.

The fitted diapers were made out of VERY good quality prefold diapers - and I used every bit of those prefold diapers! The part that was cut off on the sides was used to make the soaker in the middle (that is sewn in on the top only, so that it washes and dries more efficiently). They snap closed (but no snaps touch baby's tummy), and the tabs can be overlapped for a better fit (sometimes needed when going up to the next size). Elastic around legs and in the back, to keep potential "blow-outs" contained in the diaper. Sewed and surged on the edges for double fraying protection.

The covers consist of one layer of PUL (waterproof) fabric. The binding is done out of the same fabric, so moisture wicking isn't a problem. Some were done with velcro, and some were done with snaps.

Both have an extra layer of fabric behind the front closure part of the cover. So, no snaps rub on baby's tummy, and there is no possibility of leakage due to sewing the velcro onto the cover.

The velcro covers have tabs that can be overlapped for a better fit, and they also have wash tabs to secure the velcro during washes, so that it lasts longer and doesn't get "hooked" onto anything else in the wash :)

The snap covers have 2 full rows of snaps to keep them securely closed, and an extra layer of fabric to secure the snaps and ensure no ripping of the fabric (and therefore no leaking...). I have come to love snaps lately. They don't wear out like velcro does after a while...so you don't have to worry about replacing covers after multiple kiddos have used them (a problem we have run into even the 2nd time around on the size that is used for the longest amount of time.)

Now if I can just get the motivation to do some of this for our stash...

Potty Update

2010-11-30T14:45:00.007-06:00

Oh, the potty update.

Good news: Balian has pretty much officially stopped pooping in his diaper. The only time we have a (very rare) messy diaper is if I don't hear him right away when he wakes up in the morning, and I take too long to get him to the potty. Makes sense. He's still young, and can only hold it so long ;) Other than that - during the day, no poop. (I think we've only had 1 messy diaper in the past 2 weeks or so...) Life is fabulous.

Bad news: Balian is definitely not catching on to the potty thing as quickly as Bella did. I suppose it's to be expected. I've always heard that it takes longer for boys than girls. It's just crazy - At this point (14 months) Bella was fully trained during the day, minus naps. She would tell us when she needed to go and everything. Yes, it is definitely different with Balian. I don't think it really phases Balian to be wet at this point. He loves to sit on the potty (he'll sit on there forever!), and when he goes, he gets really excited and claps for himself - he just hasn't developed the understanding of what it feels like BEFORE he goes, and therefore the muscle control yet to be able to hold it until we get to the potty. He knows WHEN he's going. He feels that - and sometimes grunts when he does it. I guess it's just a matter of time and patience.

Not that it really interferes with life too much. We're just sticking to the routine until he shows some signs that he's ready to move forward. We've got the poop thing down, yes....but we need some signs (like, discomfort when he's wet, or showing that he's trying to hold it, etc.) that he's ready to move beyond wet diapers all the time before we transition to anything else but the routine.

Of course, if any of you have trained boys early (less than 18 months), I'd be open to suggestions that worked for you. They're just so different than girls :)

Pecan Harvesting

2010-11-29T15:56:00.004-06:00

Our neighborhood is set on an active pecan plantation. Because of this, we have 9 Pecan trees in our yard...and this was our first year to harvest all of those pecans. Luckily, however, we have resources to help us out. Down the street we have a place that rents out harvesters that pick up pecans a LOT faster than we could on our own. They also buy our pecans from us. We were able to take them our pecans - shells on, leaves all in them - and they "cleaned" them, then weighed them - and cut us a check based on that weight. AND what's even better - they shell pecans and sell them right there - so we can take the money that we earned and turn around and buy whatever shelled pecans we want for the year. How much easier could it get?

Anyway, it took us about 2 days of work to harvest all of our pecans - which ended up totaling about 200 lbs. (clean) total! Insane! And we still have some pecans in our yard...and some trees haven't given all of their pecans up yet :) It was a good experience. Bella liked that she could help push the harvester, Balian liked stealing the pecans and playing with them, I liked being outside working and playing together as a family all day, and Neil liked that we got paid to clean up our yard!

23 weeks

2010-11-24T17:10:00.006-06:00

This picture was taken at about 20 weeks...oh well. It's the newest one I have.

We had our 2nd ultrasound on Monday. It was odd to not find out what we're going to have, and HARD not to look too! But I'm excited about being surprised. Everything about this birth is going to be so different...and I'm excited about it all.

I love to watch my babies during the ultrasound. They usually have mannerisms that they continue to have after they're born. Bella likes her hands in her mouth...Balian crosses his ankles all the time... This baby was laying it's hand over it's face - so cute...perhaps we'll see he/she sleeping like that once it's out :) The baby also had the hiccups. so cute :)

Everything looked good. due date is right on with the baby's measurements - March 20.

We also had a prenatal appointment with the midwife yesterday. Everything went well. urine looked good, I gained about 2 lbs. in a month, and I'm measuring about 1 week large for the first time ever. ha. One kinda funny thing that happened - the midwife-in-training was having a hard time finding the heart rate...so the midwife came over, felt around on my belly, put her finger where she thought the heart should be, and sure enough, she was right on the money. Ha. makes me laugh every time. She said that my next appointment they'll have me check out a book about baby positioning, so that I can tell exactly what the baby's position is at all times - and what's digging into my side as well ;)

We did check out a video on water birth - just to look at it as an option. Interesting stuff. Didn't seem as messy as I thought it would...and the most interesting thing to me is that none of the babies came out screaming - they were all definitely alert, but as calm as could be. Something to think about.

Running: I've probably averaged running about once per week. Not as much as I would like, but doing anything is better than what I've been able to do before at this point, so I'm excited. Perhaps with it getting colder, the treadmill will get more use and I'll run more often - we'll see. I'm going at about a 12 min. pace for about 3 miles at a time right now. The biggest problem has been my knees hurting, but I think that mainly has to do with going slower and therefore shortening my stride. That always makes my legs hurt. I'm sure more weight putting pressure on joints has something to do with it too, but when I run the pace I really want to (my comfortable pace - faster) my knees don't hurt. I have discovered that the Belly Bands that you can use to help wear pre-pregnancy pants longer is a great belly support for running. It holds the belly in a bit, so there's less bouncing, and that means being overall more comfortable...and less potty breaks too.

Circle Time

2010-11-15T15:18:00.004-06:00

We've gotten settled into our homeschool routine for Bella, and every morning we start out doing what we call circle time. It's called various things in preschool. circle time. rug time. carpet time...whatever. we should really call it Hallway time, since we do it in the hallway, but o-well. We start out by doing our days of the week, then talking about today (day of the week, month of the year, date), then we do Bella's bible verses, go over the letter of the week (this week it's the letter I), read our bible story, and maybe even sing a song or two about the season, or what we're learning about. Bella looks forward to it every day. After circle time, we do our "school time" where we paint, write letters, do activities, or whatever...but circle time apparently is her favorite :) Here's some things that she has been learning:
Days of the Week:

Bella's Bible Verses

Counting to 30: this one she's still working on a bit, but she's doing pretty good.

A Step at a Time

2010-10-20T15:04:00.003-05:00

Balian, we have learned, likes to progress at his own pace. It's a slower pace than Bella - but whatever. He's been ABLE to stand up on his own for a while now, but he didn't like to do it...it had to be very much encouraged by mom and dad. When he would stand, we would say "come here" but he would just smile, then very slowly squat down and sit on the floor. Yeah. Well, on Sunday, he decided that taking some steps between mom and dad was a pretty fun game. Now, he's finally venturing out and trying to take some steps on his own, without our coaxing.
Here's a not-so-fabulous video of some of his steps. But enjoy!
Oh, and you'll notice that homeboy got a massive haircut. Neil apparently couldn't handle anyone saying "she's so cute" which had happened a couple of times. So, while I was trimming Bella's hair in the kitchen, he decided to take Balian into our bathroom, put him in the bathtub, and take the clippers to his head. When they came out, I almost cried - and I had no pictures of it either! I'm getting used to it now, but I'm still sad to see his curls gone :(

Potty Time!!

2010-10-16T21:34:00.006-05:00

We have officially started potty training Balian. The past couple of days we've figured out:

1. He really doesn't like little potties. Most kids are afraid of the "big" potty. Mine doesn't like the little ones. He's 0 for 3 in that department. I even tried one that was specifically made with boys in mind. nope. not gonna happen. But he'll sit on the cushy potty seat that sits on the toilet. Funny kid.

2. Apparently dried cherries are preferred to goldfish as a reward. He loves them! (Neil's idea.)

3. His favorite part of going potty is flushing the potty. He doesn't like to watch the toilet swirl though - he's too focused on the flusher. ha.

So here is what we're doing: We're just adding sitting on the potty as part of our daily routine. Not just once or twice a day, but just like we do the eat, awake, sleep routine when they are babies, we add potty time in there too.

so, when he wakes up, we go potty, and change the diaper.
after breakfast, we go potty, and change the diaper.
at about 10am, he has some water, and about 20 min. later, we go potty and change the diaper.
after lunch...before nap...after nap...after dinner...before bed - all the same deal...when I should really be changing his diaper anyway.

Right now we aren't focused so much on him being dry - just setting a routine - and him getting used to the whole potty thing. So for now, this is what it looks like:

"Ok, Balian, time to go to the potty."
take off the diaper. sit him on the potty. let him flip through his big animal book while he's sitting on there...if he doesn't go after about 5 min, then we take him off - no biggy. If he does go, then we praise him like mad, give him a dried cherry, clean him up, let him flush the potty, then put a new (or dry) diaper on him.
When he hears himself going, or feels it coming out, he gets really excited. Then we praise him, so he's even more excited. Then we give him a cherry and let him flush the potty - and by golly, the potty is the most exciting thing ever!

We officially started yesterday. Yesterday he went about 3 times, and today he went all but one time we put him on the potty (so...about 6 out of the 7 times). pretty neat! I don't think his diaper was ever dry - but like I said, that's not the point for now.

So we'll keep at this for now - just setting a routine - until he shows that he can keep some diapers dry - and we'll go from there.

It worked for Bella, and Balian seems to be catching on beautifully :)

** it's a day later, and before posting this, I wanted to give a fun update. Today (day #3) Balian started really trying to go on the potty every time we put him on there. He would push like he had to poop, even if he didn't - after dinner, I had to let him stay on there a bit longer, because he was trying so hard to go - I wanted to see if something would eventually come out - and hooray, we got some teetee :) He also started clapping for himself as soon as he feels anything come out - he's so excited about it! He also woke up dry from his nap today(his one dry diaper of the day), which is seriously amazing. Must be a fluke. not holding my breath for it to happen again tomorrow, but we'll see. I'm amazed at how well he has progressed just in 3 days! so exciting!

I'll get a potty picture up here eventually...

Questions

2010-10-15T21:19:00.003-05:00

It's always amazing to me when everything around me lines up into some central HUGE theme. In college, these "themes" would kick my butt over the course of the year, and usually by the end of the year God had kicked my butt enough that I understood why I was learning what I was, what to do about it, then I was obedient and did it.

Right now, there exists a theme in my life that started January of 09. The church that we were a part of at that time (The Bridge Family Worship Center in Yulee, FL) did a church-wide fast for a week. Neil and I took part and we fasted and prayed for direction for the future. During that time, God showed us that we were supposed to get out of the Navy. Along with that, Neil and I felt like God was calling us out and kicking our butts. He was essentially taking a mirror, putting it in front of us and saying "now you tell me - where have you been living out the command I gave to reach out to the orphans and widows - the poor and destitute - the oppressed people in the world?"
In reality - no matter how hard we could have tried to justify it - there's no way that we could really say that we were doing anything.

We looked at our lives and saw just how ridiculous it all was. Although we didn't feel as though we were living extravagantly by any means, by the American standard...who's standard really matters?
Is our righteousness based on comparison to others? If I say that I don't live nearly as extravagantly as this person over here - who cares? Just because we have a lower mortgage, have 5-year-old cars that both have close to or over 100,000 miles and don't have a car payment, does that really matter in the grand scheme of things?
I'm not half as bad as that person over there, so I must be fine. I don't drink; I don't gamble; I don't swear; I'm not cheating on my husband...the list goes on...I go to church; I sing on the praise team; I help in the nursery; I do this that and everything else....

It all boils down to this: We justify, because we don't measure up when we compare our lives to God's call for righteousness.

I'm not saying that anyone is perfect. We aren't. It's the whole reason we need Jesus. But we have to admit that here, in America, we live very sheltered, excessive, materialistic lives. And because of that - we are sheltered from the reality of the oppression and deprivation that goes on in the rest of the world. Because we don't see it - it doesn't bother us and we don't do a darn thing about it.

And for me - writing a check to "adopt" some kid in Africa doesn't cut it. I'm still cut-off. I'm still so separated from reality. Writing a check is easy because we aren't the ones that have to rely upon God's Providence to provide our next meal. I'm not saying this is bad - we need to do it - I'm just saying that it isn't enough. I have a hard time believing that's what God was talking about when he said to reach out to the orphans and widows. But are we doing anything different at this point? umm.. no.

So Neil and I have been on this very unsettling journey that hasn't really seemed to be going anywhere. We went from living a really comfortable life in Georgia, to living a very comfortable life in Texas. In the meantime, we have shared our struggles with each other over how we just are so unsettled. We feel purposeless. frustrated with the day in and day out of living our pretty cookie-cutter life. There's more to life than the way we are living.

The problem is that we have no vision.
We've struggled with what to do with what we have learned. How do we live this out here, in America? Should we even be in America? Is our culture ripping at our souls?

And people think that us not having cable (and therefore having NO channels to watch - ever) is crazy. I know that there is so much that I hold on to. And these things are totally ridiculous.

Example: We moved into a fixer-upper house (aka - it looks "outdated" because it looks like you stepped into a home in the mid-70's.) Last night Neil and I were discussing finances and wanting to get rid of our house that is currently being rented out in GA - so figuring out how to cut costs to bring the mortgage down to where we could sell the house at a current market value. anyway, we brought up using money we have set aside for home improvements to go toward debt. no problem...I've dealt with carpeted bathrooms for a year...I can handle it for another year... then he mentions how it would mean that we wouldn't be replacing the vertical blinds in our bedroom and Man! did my attitude change or what? "I can't stand those things! I don't know if I can deal with that for another year." seriously. I was throwing a fit and trying to justify how new blinds or curtains were suddenly a need rather than a want - and Neil gently reminded me by using my very own words I had quoted only moments before "It's a matter of needs and wants, Pammy." ugh!

I mentioned BSF in an earlier post (what it is). We're studying the book of Isaiah. Every single week I am utterly amazed at how we are so, so much like Israel was then. The women were haughty and stuck-up parading their wealth around by the clothes that they wore and how fabulously their hair was fixed and how beautiful their jewels were. God told them to change or they would be walking around in sackcloth and would end up bald-headed. He would take away the very thing that they were holding on to for dear life: their beauty and their wealth.
Over and over again God tells the people that they are not looking after the orphan, the widow, and the poor. He despises their religion and unrepentant hearts, and because of this, he would close his ears to their prayers - and would not listen!
He yearns for them to return - to turn back to him - to repent - and to do what he had called them to be - His People.

Over and over again, I feel like I am lost in Israel. Because really - aren't we exactly the same? Who are we trying to impress here? Who's opinion really matters? Who is the One who determines a man's righteousness - because He is the One True example of righteousness.

Oh, how much we need Jesus. And how much I long for a greater vision to do what God has called us to do.
Lord, help me.